How to raise a child with a strong heart, parents should regard these 6 sentences as mantras

There is a very popular question on the Internet: What kind of person do you want your child to become? In the past, I would have answered without hesitation: excellent. This word generally refers to success in the secular sense. But after raising children for ten years, I found that compared with so-called excellence, the child\’s inner strength is the most important thing. American psychologist Lori Gottlieb has this description in her book \”Maybe You Should Talk to Someone\”: When we are vulnerable, we are like raw eggs. If it falls to the ground, the shell will break and the yolk and white will fly everywhere. But if our hearts are flexible and strong enough, they will be like hard-boiled eggs. Even if it falls to the ground and is shocked, it will not completely break and will not cause a mess around it. I hope my children can have a less fragile heart like a hard-boiled egg. No matter how many difficulties and challenges life brings, don’t be afraid of wind and rain or setbacks, just move forward and live your best life. If parents want their children to be mentally strong, they might as well keep these six sentences on their lips. \”Can you help me?\” – Lu Qin, an expert in educating children with a sense of responsibility, once advised parents: \”Don\’t always regard yourself as a mountain and your children as grass. Let your children rely on you, look up to you, and be afraid of you. \”Don\’t be a big umbrella and treat your children like chickens, shielding them from the wind and rain and letting them be weak. Change your position and let your children be mountains, and they will grow into mountains; let your children be big umbrellas, and they will be able to stand up to the sky.\” When parents say to their children, \”Can you help me?\” they are actually providing their children with an opportunity to grow. Let children feel needed by helping their parents, thereby becoming strong and responsible. There is such a mother on the Internet. She has said to her son since he was a child: \”Baby, you are a man, so you have to protect and take care of your mother.\” After entering kindergarten, she would act coquettishly and show weakness to her son from time to time: \”It\’s too heavy. \”Mom can\’t carry it, can you help me?\” \”Mom is too busy, can you come over and sweep the floor?\” \”Baby, how do you do this puzzle?\” \”It\’s mom?\” This kind of weak parenting style allowed my son to become a person who can stand alone at a young age. As Shen Yifei, a professor at Fudan University, said: The more powerful parents are, the more they must learn to fold their wings, because the power of adults will become a ceiling for children\’s development. Children\’s growth is inseparable from the participation and guidance of their parents. If it is really good for their children, parents should act weaker in front of their children and give their children a chance to love others and take responsibility. Only by trying and exercising can children continue to gain and grow. \”You have made progress again!\” – Giving children a sense of accomplishment. In \”Youth Talk\”, a girl mustered up the courage to go to the rooftop, face her mother, and shout out her innermost thoughts: \”Mom, the child is not Only other people\’s children are good, and your own children are also working hard. Why don\’t you take a look and insist on hitting me like this?\” The mother responded nonchalantly: \”I know that I have been hitting you because I think your character is bad. There is a characteristic in it, that is, if it doesn’t crack down on you, you will be a little bit arrogant.” Although her daughter cried and complained that she was not suitable for crackdown education, her mother remained unmoved. There are not many parents like this in life. I likeUse blows to educate children and encourage them to make progress. As everyone knows, knowing shame will not make children brave, it will only make them beaten down in frustration. It is human nature to want to be affirmed and appreciated. Positive recognition is easier to awaken children\’s inner drive than criticism and blow. Often say \”you have made progress again\”, see every step of the child\’s progress, and encourage the child to work hard every moment, so that the child can accumulate enough confidence and courage in his heart. In the future, when children face problems and encounter setbacks, they will be able to quickly regain confidence, see challenging problems as manageable tasks, and inspire more confidence. Education is about making children believe that they have the power to change for the better. Therefore, please be more patient and give your children more recognition and encouragement so that they can keep on the road of progress. \”I believe in you.\” – Giving children a sense of trust There was once a video that went viral on the Internet. The coach reported to his mother that the child’s foundation in playing football was very poor. But the mother did not tell the truth. Instead, she encouraged the child: \”The coach said that you have worked hard and are making progress. Just work a little harder and it will be fine.\” After hearing this, the child was encouraged and immediately ran to practice ball again. During training, the child not only ran last, but also fell down again and again. His mother was still expressing her trust: \”It doesn\’t matter, just try to surpass the person in front.\” In this way, with his mother\’s trust and encouragement, the boy played football better and better. In a game, he also helped the team. won first place. The book \”Psychological Suggestion Power\” writes that if a person continues to give himself positive suggestions every day, then he can become more and more confident and brave, and awaken his most powerful self. Similarly, parents often say \”I believe in you\” to their children, which will give their children a strong psychological hint and give them a good feeling of \”I can do it\”, allowing them to constantly surpass themselves and become stronger. So when your child is discouraged, don\’t add insult to injury, but tell him: \”I believe you can do it.\” When your child fails repeatedly, don\’t criticize him, but tell him: \”You can do it, I believe you can do it next time.\” We will do better.” As Tao Xingzhi said: “The whole secret of educating children is to believe in them and liberate them.” Our trust will provide children with a steady stream of strength, nourish them, and make them confident and self-improving. \”You make the decision on this matter.\” – Giving children a sense of autonomy Psychologists once conducted a set of experiments and found that children who have the right to choose themselves from the age of 1 are more likely to grow up than those who only obey their parents\’ orders. Children who take action have stronger self-control and greater independence. The famous host Jing Yidan once said on the show that the thing he said most to his daughter was \”you decide for yourself.\” From what clothes to wear to what items to choose, she lets her children make the decisions. Even if my daughter comes to ask for her advice, I will still give the decision-making power back to my daughter. Therefore, the older my daughter grows, the more independent and thoughtful she becomes. \”You can decide for yourself.\” This seemingly casual statement actually contains two points: one is to let the children learn to make decisions by themselves, and the other is to let the children learn to be self-responsible. Only when children have the final say in their own lives will they have a sense of autonomy and control. Even if there are often some wrong decisions,The only way for children to grow up is to continuously strengthen their hearts and strengthen themselves through exercise. Therefore, parents should give their children more opportunities to make decisions. It can be as small as eating and dressing, or as big as what interests and majors to study. The feeling of \”having the final say\” is the source of a child\’s ability to defy difficulties and the motivation for him to get up even after he falls. \”I love you forever!\” – There seems to be a topic in giving children a sense of belonging. What impact does parents\’ inability to express love have on children\’s psychology? The answers from netizens are heartbreaking: introverted, low self-esteem, and a people-pleasing personality. In fact, they don\’t understand that it\’s not that their parents don\’t love, they just don\’t know how to express love. But the unspoken love eventually widened the distance between parent and child. Saying \”I love you\” is never optional. Freud once said: \”Those who think that they are liked or favored by their mother will show confidence in themselves and unshakable optimism in life, often appear heroic, and always achieve real success.\” Therefore. , stop hiding love deep in your heart. When your child is questioned, say to him: \”Don\’t be afraid. Your parents who love you will always be your strongest support.\” When your child loses his temper, accompany him gently but firmly and tell him: \”Your behavior is Wrong, but we still love you.\” In daily interactions, please say more: \”I love you, you are mom and dad\’s forever treasure.\” This sentence of \”I love you\” is enough to replace a thousand words. Melt the child\’s heart and give him the warmth to grow. Let the child maintain his psychological defense no matter how difficult it is, and know that his parents will always be behind him to give him strength and support. \”It\’s okay.\” – Giving children a sense of security. Some time ago, my daughter told me something. There was a girl in the class who secretly brought snacks to school to eat, but was discovered by the teacher. According to the class rules, the girl either had to copy the class rules three times or treat the whole class to snacks. The girl was in trouble and cried all morning. why? Because there are 30 class rules, it will take a long time to copy them three times, and my mother will definitely know. And if she wanted to treat the whole class to snacks, she didn\’t have enough pocket money, so she had no choice but to ask her mother for help. Therefore, no matter which one she chooses to be punished, she will be scolded by her mother. There are many parents like this in life. Whenever their children make a mistake, the parents will scold them. As a result, children become increasingly afraid of making mistakes and of their parents discovering their mistakes. I remember a sentence in \”Original Family\”: \”Children should have the right to make mistakes and correct them. Making a mistake is not the end of the world. This is a way for them to try new things and build self-confidence.\” A person with a strong heart Children should have the ability to not be afraid of making mistakes and learn from their mistakes. And this requires parents to accept their children\’s imperfections when they make mistakes and allow them to grow from their mistakes. Your \”it\’s okay\” is not indulgence, but understanding and care, which will give your child a full sense of security. Montessori once said: \”Everything we do to children will bear fruit, not only affecting his life, but also determining his life.\” Whether a child is strong or fragile, has low self-esteem or is confident, often depends on his parents. It is the usual education and daily words and deeds of parents.Shaping a child’s present and future. So, starting from today, please give your children more encouragement and less blows; more trust and less denial; more acceptance and less criticism; more letting go and less interference. A strong and abundant heart is the best gift parents can give their children. Light up \”Like\” and hope that parents will support their children with love so that every child can grow up and be prosperous throughout his life.