How to raise boys the right way

The book \”Raising Boys\” says: \”Today we live in, girls are more in control of themselves, they are positive and work hard. However, boys often do not want to make progress in life: poor academic performance, disharmonious relationships with classmates , prone to irritability, easy to get into bad habits such as alcohol and drug abuse.\” Raising boys is undoubtedly a huge test for parents. The boy is born with a stubborn temper. If his parents tell him something, he will turn to the other side. The more strictly he is controlled, the more rebellious he becomes. Although the boy is careless and careless, he has a sensitive heart and is easily hurt. The boy is not enlightened and his homework is poor. Not only is it sloppy, but it is also full of mistakes, and it cannot be taught well;…but if we patiently understand the physiological characteristics, growth patterns and personality development of boys, we will find that: a boy is like a tree, and raising a boy is like planting a tree. As long as the boy pays attention to the following 6 details as he grows up, he can cultivate an independent, responsible and mentally strong man. 01Trees need warmth, just like boys need to be treated tenderly. Many parents feel that boys are just carefree and do not need to educate them in too many delicate elements. When boys are frustrated, we will convey the idea that \”men should be strong\”; even when boys are vulnerable, we will not allow boys to cry or hug boys. But in fact, boys are more fragile than we think, and they need more gentle treatment than we think. There is a scene in \”Mom is Superman\” where Huo Siyan is responsible for being the \”one-day principal\” of the children and has to take care of the children for a day. During this period, because Huo Siyan took care of many children, she could not help but neglect her. Uh-huh, I feel aggrieved, and I want to run away from home in anger. Faced with Uhm\’s willfulness and temper tantrums, Huo Siyan didn\’t make any big arguments. She just accepted, understood, and explained, which made Uhm lose her emotions. In fact, this is the little boy. The development of their prefrontal lobes is slower than that of girls, their self-control is relatively weak, and they are prone to impulsivity, so they need to be guided more. They are not good at expressing themselves and are more \”childish\”, and their emotions and thoughts are expressed through body language and actions. , so parents need more observation and patience. Only a boy who has been treated tenderly since childhood can understand love, learn to love, and become a warm boy. 02Trees need air, just like boys need respect. The book \”Raising Boys\” says: \”If you can only give your son one thing, give him respect.\” Educator Dr. Emerson Eggridge once shared a real case: a mother saw her son score 60 points. She was very angry because she knew her son didn\’t study hard at all. In the past, she would get angry and scold her son, but it never had any effect. This time she followed the doctor\’s advice and said to her son: \”I\’m very angry now, so I won\’t say too many words for now. I\’m angry because I know how capable you are, but the results of this test are really worthy of you.\” Not as good as your ability. I respect you very much and believe you can solve this 60-point problem.\” The son was surprised. Although he saw his mother was very angry, he also heard her mother\’s respect and confidence in him. So the boy promised that he would solve the problem. Sure enough, in the next exam, his score improved to over 90 points! Respect and trust from parentsRen, touched the boy\’s heart the most. Because dignity is the deep-rooted need of boys. If parents blindly use authoritative control to suppress and humiliate boys, they will often only stimulate the boy\’s natural aggression. As a result, they either attack outwardly and confront their parents; or they attack themselves inwardly and become self-defeating. On the contrary, giving respect can well stimulate the boy\’s inner energy, allowing him to learn to take responsibility for himself and grow up on his own. 03Trees need pruning, just like boys need discipline. Someone asked on Zhihu: Why are all the naughty kids boys? The reason is actually very simple, it is not because they are born rebellious. It\’s because, under the influence of testosterone, boys naturally love to fight and are prone to be rough and aggressive. Boys have high levels of dopamine in their blood, are unable to calm down, are more likely to be impulsive and take risks, and are highly aggressive. Therefore, if you have a boy at home, you must not let it go unchecked and develop. When they behave inappropriately, their parents must promptly guide and correct them. I saw a piece of news before. There is a 7-year-old boy who always likes to throw stones at his classmates every day after school. His parents have repeatedly taught him, but the boy refuses to change. So the parents punished the boy by holding a big rock and walking for 20 minutes. The effect was immediate. The boy cried and promised: \”I will never make such a mistake again!\” As the saying goes: The little tree is cut down, but the child is in charge. It is a boy\’s nature to be naughty, but it is the parents\’ responsibility to discipline them. Therefore, when a boy does not obey the rules, he must be disciplined and let him know the boundaries of behavior. When a boy is uneducated, he must be punished to let him know the bottom line of being a human being. Only with discipline and education, and with punishment, will boys be in awe, stick to the bottom line, and do something and not do something. Such boys are more likely to be welcomed by everyone and more likely to succeed when they go into society. 04 A tree needs to experience wind and sun, just like a boy needs to endure hardship. Psychologist Li Meijin said: \”The more hardship a person endures in his early years, the better he will be able to bear it in the future. Children in the family, especially sons, must be raised with hardship and must not be taken care of too well.\” Boys must be in society. To gain a foothold in the world requires not only knowledge and skills, but also a spirit that can endure hardship. There is a boy in my hometown who was born prematurely, so he was held in the palm of his mother\’s hand since he was a child and grew up without any hardship or suffering. The boy dropped out of school when he was in the second grade of junior high school. After leaving school, his relatives introduced him to work in an electronics factory. Because I had connections, I arranged a relatively easy job for him. But he resigned after working for three months because it was too hard. After that, I took classes intermittently for a year, but because I couldn\’t stand the hardship and couldn\’t continue, I have been living at home. Whether one can endure hardship determines a boy\’s success in life to a large extent. No matter how much your parents love you, don\’t spoil your boy, but let him: endure the hardship of study and learn self-discipline through persistence; endure the hardship of labor and learn independence through hands-on work; endure the hardship of setbacks and persevere in difficulties. Only by experiencing suffering can we develop strong armor to withstand the ups and downs on the road of life. 05Trees need to be grown outdoors, just like boys need adventure. Some people say: You can never understand what is going on in a boy\’s head. Boys are lively and adventurous by nature and like to climb up and down, jump down from high places… just play whatever is exciting. Therefore, many mothers habitually discourage boys from taking risks: in order to prevent the boy from getting hurt, they limit his access to all intense games; in order to prevent the boy from getting into trouble, they prohibit him from participating in all reckless, impulsive, and dangerous outdoor activities. Writer Liu Jirong once had a friend who was such a mother. It wasn\’t until her friend discovered that her son had become introverted and timid, timid in everything she did, that she suddenly realized that she should let her father take her son to unleash his nature, take risks, and try all kinds of new things. Outdoors, the boy followed his father unscrupulously in the rain, treading water, and shouting. At the resort, the boy followed his father into the water, caught fish, climbed trees, and rolled on the grass. After a period of time, although my son\’s arms were injured, his feet were blistered, and his whole body was still covered in mosquito bites. But the mother found that her son had become brave and confident, no longer afraid of the dark, afraid of insects, and would cry at every turn. The authoritative magazine \”The Atlantic Monthly\” once revealed a shocking fact to the public: \”Over-protection in the name of safety strips the spirit of independence, adventure and exploration from children\’s childhood. However, the children have not actually become better. Safety.\” Therefore, instead of rigidly restricting boys\’ behavior, we might as well provide them with a wider space to release their energy and curiosity. The child\’s desire for adventure hides the key to his sunny character. 06 A tree needs to wait for its growth, just like a boy needs patience. It is no exaggeration to say that the boy\’s mother has a history of blood and tears, and that is the boy\’s inability to learn. He likes to do little things in class, he doesn\’t like studying or reading, he writes his homework in a daze, and all he thinks about is having fun. This is all because boys\’ brain development is relatively slow, so they perform poorly in all aspects of understanding, language, reading and writing, and numeracy. But these differences will slowly shrink or even catch up after boys enter middle school. Therefore, parents can best help boys by letting go of their anxiety, following the boy\’s growth pattern, and allowing him to take his time. In this process, parents can give the boy more encouragement and help him establish a good mentality: just like Zhong Nanshan, even though he has been naughty since he was a child, often skipped school, was poor in studies, and was retained twice, his mother never scolded him. , but always encourage him. Parents can also help boys learn according to their characteristics: for example, letting boys exercise for half an hour before studying to vent the irritability caused by testosterone and excess dopamine in the blood, which can help boys focus more study. Take advantage of boys\’ competitive psychology, turn learning into a challenge, and stimulate boys\’ interest in learning. Finally, parents must firmly believe in the boy and let him become confident. Just like the last mother on Zhihu, her son was a bad student, but she never gave up. He also told his son that he is a big pot, so he boils the water slowly. He may not be as good as others now, but he will do better than others in the future. In the end, the boy really made a counterattack and was admitted to the National People\’s Congress. The patience of parents is the best nourishment for a boy\’s growth, and eventually helps him grow into a towering tree. The book \”Raising a Boy\” says: \”Never think that your little baby is still a child, just this boy.One day he will become an upright man with a sense of responsibility and mature charm. This secret and huge change is happening in the more than ten years you have lived with him. \”What a boy will look like in the future is hidden in his parents\’ current parenting style. Behind every confident, sunny, and outstanding boy, there must be gentle but firm, wise, and patient parents. Even if the boy\’s upbringing is laborious and nerve-wracking, They have also been cultivating and watering the boy carefully, giving the boy warmth, strength and guidance. In the end, they cultivated a big tree that can protect the family from wind and rain. Give it a like and hope that every boy can face the sunshine. , take root deep and thrive.