How to raise children successfully? This study, which has been followed for 77 years, tells you

Over the years since I opened my account, there have been many messages criticizing me in the background. Most of them said that I have been just sharing some family scraps, such as quarreling and crying with my children. I have long been tired of aesthetics. Can you share something useful? And what is considered useful is probably how to choose a school, how to accompany homework, how to improve academic performance… To be honest, every time I see such a message, I seem to hear a \”dong\” sound, a small stone is dropped. It was thrown into the lake of my heart, causing ripples. I can\’t help but reflect. But we are not reflecting on whether we have done something wrong, but on how we can successfully raise a child. Is it a successful career? Is it healthy and happy? Or has a class jump been achieved? We keep saying that we hope our children will have a happy life, but what does happiness mean? Happiness, a word that smells like chicken soup, countless people have claimed to have found the code to decipher it, but the reality has always been that everyone has different opinions and different opinions. A while ago, I happened to see Harvard University\’s famous \”Grant Study\” and I was deeply convinced. (In November 2015, the fourth director of the project, Robert Waldinger, spoke about the research results at TED.) The project began in 1938 and tracked and recorded the lives of 724 men, including their work, life and health conditions. . Known as the longest project in history, the research question is: What are the factors that determine a person\’s happiness? Participants in this project were two groups of Boston residents with very different backgrounds: the first group, 268 Harvard University undergraduates; the second group, 456 little boys from the slums. Over the course of 77 years, these people experienced World War II, economic depression and recovery, and entered all strata of society. Some people rise all the way up and become workers, lawyers, doctors, and even President John F. Kennedy, while others fall into the clouds and become alcoholics, suffer from schizophrenia, and live at the bottom of society. What factors affect their happiness? You might think: money, fame, looks, achievements. We have been taught since childhood that only by working hard to obtain these things can we live a good life and be happy and happy. but it is not the truth. The real answer is relationships, which make us live happier and happier lives. The relationships here include love, friendship, family affection and other interpersonal relationships. As long as they work well, they can greatly increase your chances of prosperity in life. (The study was also published in a book) In addition, this study also has many interesting findings: • People who received good care from their mothers in childhood earned an average of $87,000 more per year than those who did not; • People who had a poor relationship with their mothers in childhood People are more likely to suffer from Alzheimer\’s disease in old age; • People who received loving care from their fathers in childhood have less anxiety as adults. • When intelligence reaches a certain level, a person’s financial success mainly depends on the level of relationships with others; all these conclusions are somewhat unexpected, but reasonable: throughout their lives, what humans desire is nothing more than relationships. To love and be loved. see these conclusionsAt this time, I felt happy. Those people around me who have the power of happiness are indeed like this. For example, everyone is very familiar with Shrimp Ball Jiang, who publishes comics on time every Saturday. He is such a contented person who finds vitality and fun everywhere in life. Once, she traveled to Japan and came back with souvenirs for me and my friends. According to the normal operation, just send it and be done with it, but she didn\’t. She wrapped all the letters, numbered them, and then asked us to give our numbers to draw gifts. The long-lost joy of drawing a lottery and opening gifts put a bright light on the faces of our group of adults in their thirties. If she were locked up at home for a day on weekends, she could find countless things to do: kneading paper clay, carving rubber stamps, making block prints, and reading a novel. There was no way she would have time to be bored. Not surprisingly, her mantra is: There are so many things to do in life, but you can’t keep them busy, so how can you be bored? (The many works of Shrimp Ball Jiang, the breadth of hobbies, and the ingenuity make me ashamed!) (The couplet posted on the door of my home is: Smooth poop and good peeing. This humor is also intoxicating~) And these of hers The source of happiness, in addition to having a group of close friends with whom she can play together, also plays an important role in her parents. She grew up in a relaxed and loving environment, and even now, her parents still tolerate and accept her unconditionally. When she returned home for the Chinese New Year this year, other elders at the dinner table started a messy offensive to urge her to get married, but her mother immediately stood in the forefront and said loudly: Don\’t talk about this while eating. (It seems that the information about Xiabaojiang’s single status has been exposed. Welcome to introduce her to hook up…) For her annual birthday wish, other parents might say: get married soon and have children, but her parents said: I wish you to visit more countries. Psychologist Valiente said: \”A warm and intimate relationship is the most important opening to a good life.\” It was her parents\’ love for shrimp ball sauce since she was a child, which invisibly taught her the ability to love and self-love, which made her It is easy to establish good relationships with others and naturally feel happiness from the heart. I am not a happy person. I once thought that this situation of always being unhappy would improve when I became financially better off. Today, I have three well-behaved daughters, a husband who understands and supports me, and a career of my own. In the eyes of outsiders, this should be regarded as the standard of happiness. But to be honest, although my children have brought me a lot of warmth, I can still clearly feel that the background of my life is often unhappy. I would strongly deny myself and feel terrible about myself. When the emotion comes, I would even have the urge to torture myself and punish myself. But when I trace the darkness in my life, I find it difficult to find its cause. The only possibility is that it came from my mother who was always unhappy. Over the years, I have been taking various physical, mental and spiritual courses seriously, constantly looking inward, judging myself less and accepting myself. But really, this journey has been quite difficult. Sometimes, when I see Shrimp Ball Jiang always looking happy and full of happiness, I can’t help but feel envious and yell at her: Shrimp Ball Jiang, do you know how long I need to practice?Only then can we reach your state. If my daughters grow up, what I will probably long for is to look like shrimp ball paste. Their happiness comes from within and does not need to be sought from outside. They can live their true selves and be the kings of their own world calmly. So when I saw the Harvard study, I was really excited. This item is very precious and rare. The person in charge has changed from generation to generation, but this unprecedented research has persisted and is still ongoing, with the cost so far exceeding 20 million US dollars. It strengthened my confidence that the thoughts I had been vaguely thinking were not just random chicken soup, but were indeed well-founded and could stand the test of time. When success and excitement surge from all directions around you, when you think of it, you can calm yourself down and ask yourself about your original intention again. What does it mean to successfully raise a child? I think among 100 parents, there should be 101 answers. I don’t want my child to be successful, I want her to become a kind-hearted ordinary person. In the trivial details of life, you can see those little happiness that are so small that you need to use a magnifying glass to find them, but shining like stars. To me, this is considered successfully raising a child. So, going back to the comments at the beginning of the article, are exams and grades important? Of course it is important, but it is not everything about education, nor is it everything about happiness. What I always care more about is the relationship between me and my children, whether our communication is smooth, and whether there is love flowing in our hearts. I think this is the best gift I can give my children in my life.