How to \”save\” adolescent children who are tired of studying? I did these 2 things, the method seems simple but effective

I recall that I personally took care of my child at home before he was five years old. Although the economy was not rich at that time, my life was still quite happy. My child started going to kindergarten when he was six years old. He cried every day and was afraid of going to kindergarten, but he successfully advanced to elementary school. The first signs of problems occurred in the third grade of elementary school. Because the father and I were busy with business and had no time to help the child with his homework, we directly hired a cram school teacher to help with the homework without the child\’s consent. At that time, the child was very obedient. Although he was unwilling to do so, he would not refute. Until one day the head teacher said to me, what\’s wrong with your child? Why are you crying every day when you pack your schoolbag after school? I realized that my child was very reluctant to go to tutoring classes after school, so I took him back to my store. But from that time on, the children began to skip school and climb out of the school walls. At that time, we were not aware of the problem. One day, my child came home from school and was depressed. Our business was very busy. The child hugged my leg and said, \”Mom, what\’s the point of living?\” I was shocked at the time, how could such a young child ask such a question. The father came over and kicked the child down roughly. I felt very sorry for him, but I was busy with business, so out of helplessness I simply comforted the child. Fortunately, after communicating with the teacher, the teacher paid more attention and started to join the class committee. The child became the class monitor, and this episode passed like this. In the fifth and sixth grade classes, Chinese teachers were often changed. The last Chinese teacher I changed was very disliked by my children, and they would often go home and complain to me. One day I came home and told me that my Chinese teacher said, \”I really don\’t know what your class teacher thinks about choosing you as the monitor. What qualifications do you have? If it weren\’t for your mother\’s sake, he really doesn\’t care about you.\” At that time, I felt that we couldn’t do anything to the teacher and could only comfort our children. Now after studying, I found out that they were all wrong comforts, which is really painful for the children. Fortunately, he successfully graduated from elementary school to junior high school. Because it was a closed management system, the children were not used to it all of a sudden, and they often got sick. They asked to go to day school, and it took a long time with the teacher to agree. Because the living conditions at the school are indeed average, several parents asked my son to study as a day student. Maybe our actions affected the teacher\’s work, and the teacher worked with my son emotionally. Three weeks later, my son developed somatization symptoms and was unable to attend school normally. During this period, I took him to many hospitals, started taking medicine, and took a leave of absence from school. During the year when I took a leave of absence from school, I accompanied him for one-to-one tutoring and learning to draw. Gradually, the child became cheerful. We returned to school after a year\’s break. At the beginning, my child was still a little nervous and had physical symptoms. But because the school teachers paid more attention to me and my academic performance was good, the symptoms gradually disappeared, everything went smoothly, and I even got a scholarship. In the second semester of the second grade of junior high school, I started to complain about the school when I returned home. I always said that there were too many homeworks to finish and I couldn’t wake up. But the father will think that the child has not done well, and always says why others have time, why can\’t you? Doesn’t the teacher assign homework the same way? The relationship between the child and his father has always been tense. In the second grade of junior high school, the class teacher checked the child\’s mobile phone without the child\’s consent and discovered that the child\’s classmates had puppy love and copied homework.. The next day, his classmates called him directly and scolded him for being untrustworthy. The child was in a very depressed mood. When I came home, I found him secretly crying alone. When I asked him why, he said he felt like he had betrayed his friends. Although I felt that the child was very sad at that time, there was no other way to channel the child\’s negative emotions in time. At the beginning of the third year of junior high school, the child had physical symptoms again. Because the high school entrance examination is about to take place and the study tasks are tight, I feel that there is no time for him to slowly adapt, so I always try every means to get him to go back to school. It\’s been a tug-of-war semester, and the children haven\’t gone back to school normally, and their health hasn\’t gotten better and they\’ve been taking medicine. It also leads to the fact that the child likes to shut himself in the room alone and is unwilling to talk and communicate with us. He just nods and shakes his head. Isn\’t it useless for a good junior high school student to not go to school and sleep at home? ! As I grieved, I realized that I should learn to parent my children again. In the process of my mother\’s psychological study, I found that at many key points in raising children, I failed to help the children relieve their negative emotions in time and give them a sense of security. Behind every \”problem behavior\” of a child, there are unexpressed needs, waiting for someone to see them. Academic pressure, social problems, teacher-student relationship, family relationships… all the tests are multiplied, and none of them are trivial for children. As he grows up, many negative emotions such as anger, fear, and grievance accumulated inside him can be suppressed, but they will not disappear. When the accumulation reaches a certain level and can no longer be suppressed, the child will develop symptoms of learning fatigue and somatization. Children long for parents to support them at all times, giving them a sense of security and leading them out of control. However, it is difficult for children to talk about it due to their self-esteem. However, I lack understanding of the characteristics of this stage of adolescence, let alone the skills to get along with adolescent children. Even my own adolescence was stumbled all the way. What should we do to re-establish an emotional connection with our child and help him get through the rebellious period smoothly? In fact, as long as we fully respect children and use scientific methods to guide them, we can encourage children to reflect on themselves and then change. 031. Unconditionally accept children’s negative emotions and provide them with a sense of security. The first is to allow children to have emotions without judging their emotions. Emotions exist objectively, and it is impossible not to let children have emotions. Just like when a child is thirsty, it is wrong to not let the child say he is thirsty, or to say that the child is thirsty is not an appropriate method. The second is not to ask for help, not to help, not to disturb – allow the child to deal with emotions in his own way and at his own pace, without disturbing the child. As time went by, my son often felt anxious about going to school. He can\’t get rid of the psychology of escaping, and he is afraid of being off the normal track. I didn\’t take the opportunity to propose: Then you go back to school! Instead, let him understand: \”Son, mom can feel your stress and entanglement. You get upset when you think about going to school, but you feel anxious when you stay at home, right?\” This supportive and empathic attitude makes the son feel supported. Seeing, being understood, and being accepted, the emotional burden is greatly reduced. The third is to learn to be aware of your own feelings and emotions during the process of releasing emotions. If you feel anxious, listen moreAfter class, write an after-class homework and emotional diary. At Mom Psychology, psychological counselors answer questions every day and give interpretations and suggestions from different angles to help me see my blind spots and avoid detours. In the mutual aid group, there are many parents from all over the country who share their practices and feelings every day after their children are tired of school and drop out of school; they share their children’s growth and progress stories, learn practical skills for communicating with their children, and join the group to keep each other warm. Being immersed in the group for a long time has made me less anxious and gain a lot more while accompanying my children to grow up. 2. Respect the child\’s growth rhythm, give him the greatest support, and provide support for the child. During this period of time when the child is at home, his psychological energy is very weak, his diet is irregular, and his day and night are reversed. I would suggest going for a walk with my children, but without forcing or nagging them. If he doesn\’t go, I will say in a very relaxed tone: \”Mom went out by herself, what do you want to eat? Come back and bring it back to you!\” I no longer keep an eye on his schedule and give him space to go on his own. Adjustment. Just express your appreciation in time when he goes to bed or gets up early on a certain day: \”Are you adjusting your schedule? It\’s not easy for people who are used to staying up late to go to bed early. Don\’t be anxious, take your time.\” Learn to slow down and give Give your child space and freedom and let him drive on his own. Through such interaction, not only can the child\’s efforts be encouraged, but also support and trust in him can be conveyed. Feeling his mother\’s unconditional love, his son slowly regained his confidence and was motivated to adjust his condition. During this period, the children picked up the textbooks again and started studying by themselves along with the online classes. He would also often communicate with his classmates about the school situation and would like to borrow their class notes. I am very happy to see the little changes in him. But I know that this is just the first step in a long journey of thousands of miles, and I still have a long way to go with him. Only by maintaining a learning attitude and being willing to grow and change can we help children get out of various difficulties such as being tired of learning and being rebellious, and successfully go through adolescence.