How to Say No to Your Child’s Unreasonable Requests

01 Are you refusing your child like this? The child wants to eat candy before going to bed. There are candies at home, but you are afraid that the child will eat the candy and damage his teeth, so you lie and say that the candy has been taken away by a mouse. When it\’s time to eat, your child still wants to watch TV. You can\’t think of any other way, so you just unplug the TV and tell her that the TV is broken. There are obviously a lot of toys at home, but when your child sees the toys and wants to buy them, and cries because he can’t get them, you scare him that the police will come to arrest him if he cries again. You are doing something, and your child just asks you to go out and play with him. If you are not free, you will tell him that there are many bad people outside who will take him away… Parents should not be able to help yelling at these \”unreasonable\” requests from their children. There are also those who coax and deceive; there are also parents who respond to their children\’s requests or wishes according to their mood. If they are in a good mood, they will give their children everything they want, but if they are in a bad mood, they will refuse everything they want. Always rejecting children with lies may solve the problem temporarily, but it makes the children lose their sense of trust and honesty, which is really not worth the gain. Parents\’ erratic response style, under the influence of parents\’ subtle influence, children can easily become emotionally unstable people. 02 Several ways of rejection that hurt children. Children who are rejected will definitely feel very uncomfortable. What’s more, the child is too young and has immature mind. If the way of rejection is inappropriate, the child will be confused as – what we deny is theirs. people. 1. \”Accusation-style\” rejection There is a way of rejecting a child that is particularly hurtful. That is, after hearing the child\’s request, the first reaction is to accuse the child of being stupid and unreasonable. When children are still young, it is difficult to distinguish between desires and needs. They can only honestly tell their parents their inner needs, but they are negatively labeled as \”ignorant\”. Children will become more and more inferior and cowardly because of their parents\’ censure and subconscious self-denial, and evolve into a pleaser personality. Such children seem to be sensible, but they no longer express their inner thoughts to their parents and become more and more alienated. 2. \”Coaxing\” rejection Some parents, especially the older generation, cannot be tough with their children and do not want to compromise, so they lie and reject their children. When a child wants to go out to play, coax him: if he goes out at night, the police will arrest him; if he doesn\’t fulfill his promise, he always says: \”Dad/Mom is busy, I will definitely take you there next time.\” These words can only be said when children are very young. The older they get, the less effective they are. Parents\’ behavior patterns determine the future of their children. 3. Always say no to your children. Psychologist Dr. Bruce Glelang said: Frequently saying no to a child is the most inappropriate way to refuse. The more you emphasize \”no\” and \”can\’t\” with your children, the more energetic your children become. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! It\’s dangerous outside, so you can\’t go out and play. ——The child was out in a blink of an eye. No shouting is allowed in public places. ——The child screamed louder. When you are at home alone, you are not allowed to watch TV secretly. ——The child is watching more enthusiastically… The more you deliberately suppress your thoughts, the more focused your child\’s attention will be on it, making the impression more and more profound. Because the key points that children hear are often the direct instructions given after \”no\”. Therefore, the more you say no and the more forbidden it is, the more children willThe easier it is to make mistakes. 03 The Correct Way of Rejection So, are there any more reasonable ways that can not only reject the child but also prevent the child from being harmed? 1. Use \”can\” instead of \”no\”. If saying \”no\” has little effect, then we can go around the corner and use the positive word \”can\” to express it. If a child wants to play with a toy while eating, we can say: You can play with it, and you can play with it after you finish eating. If a child wants to eat candy, we can say: He can eat it, but he can only eat one, otherwise he will get cavities. If a child wants to eat snacks before a meal, we can say: Yes, you can eat snacks after you finish the meal. When a child comes home from school and wants to play for a while, we can say: \”After you finish your homework, you can play for a long time.\” ······This is equivalent to providing children with limited choices and diverting their attention to the goal in front of them. At the same time, speaking like this also gives the child a feeling of being respected, making rejection less uncomfortable. So it\’s smarter to use \”can\” instead of \”no\”. When a child makes a request, do not reject him directly, but give him an expectation, so that the child will feel happy because he is respected. 2. Respond to your child’s difficulties with companionship. I remember one time when I came back from a business trip. Before I could spend time with my child, my friend came to my house to talk about something. Over the course of two hours, Huanhuan came to disturb me several times. The reasons were: Mom, I want to drink water; Mom, I want you to watch me build blocks; Mom, I want to go out to play; Mom, I want to watch TV; and even I said, Mom, I need to pee, please go with me… Faced with some inexplicable and unreasonable requests from my child, I was almost impatient and about to get angry with him. Then it suddenly occurred to me that I had just returned from overseas and had not been with him for a few days. I immediately knew that the reason behind his constant harassment of me was to attract my attention. I quickly finished my work, gave the child a big hug, and accompanied Huan Huan to do something he wanted to do. After about ten minutes, the child\’s needs were met, and he went to build blocks on his own. . 3. Use diversion to deal with children’s “excessive” demands. Why do many children always like to cause destruction? In fact, these are all related to the child\’s need for exploration. He understands the world through exploration, and even increases his understanding of the world through destruction. Although it may be that the child is exploring the world, we cannot agree to these \”excessive\” requests one by one, so it is particularly important to divert attention in a timely manner. One day, my sister got up and felt bored, so she wanted to wake up her sleeping brother and play together. Of course, I couldn\’t agree. At that time, he did not criticize his daughter for being ignorant. Instead, he held his daughter in his arms and played with her, playing with Princess Elsa and changing into new clothes. She let her sister decide what the princess would wear today and dress the princess well. When the elder sister has had enough fun, she waits until the younger brother wakes up naturally and the two siblings play together. In this way, he naturally stopped harassing his younger brother. Use the \”gentle\” method to give the child an acceptable reason, or find a way to get off. Children can happily cooperate with us, and the negative impact of \”rejection\” will be invisible. All children\’s behaviors are motivated, especially if you think the child\’s behavior is inappropriate.When, or when the demands are excessive, you must first understand the reasons for the child\’s behavior. Understand the true needs of the child, satisfy the child\’s companionship, explore and cause concern for the reasons for the behavior, and reject the child appropriately. The small matter of rejecting children is an art worth studying. Parents\’ efforts will always be rewarded. The more meticulous they are in raising children, the better their children\’s tomorrow will be.