How to set rules for a 2 and a half year old baby

Parents often leave messages in the background, complaining: \”When I set rules with my children, I said them well, but in the end, I found that the rules couldn\’t be established at all.\” For example, I agreed with my children to only buy toys three times a month, but Every time a child sees a toy he or she likes, he or she will act silly and beg to \”buy another one.\” The parents didn\’t agree, so the child just lay on the floor and acted recklessly. In the end, they had to buy him one to calm down the farce. The rules turned into decoration in the end. In fact, whether rules can be established depends entirely on the parents\’ education methods. If parents can understand these five psychological laws, they will not be \”weak\” when setting rules. Pandora Effect: A simple prohibition will only cause children to be rebellious. There is a word in psychology called the \”Pandora Effect.\” What this means is that in many cases, the more you prohibit others from doing something, the more curious it will be aroused. Just like when a child was young, he always wanted to poke the black hole on the socket with something. The parents hurriedly ran to stop it, but the children often found ways to stuff things inside when their parents weren\’t paying attention. This is because if parents do not explain the reason for something and simply prohibit it, it will only make the thing have a special attraction and make the children involuntarily shift more attention to it. Something happened to me while eating out the other day. There were two children at the next table, who were sitting obediently on their seats. Later, the brother who felt bored took a fork and knocked on the table, the cup, and the bowls and plates in front of him. He was so happy that he felt like he had discovered a new world. His younger brother soon joined them. How to educate children to develop good qualities? Seeing the scolding looks from others, the father stopped him and scolded: \”You can\’t knock the dishes and chopsticks!\” The child was quiet for a while, and then began to touch the dishes tentatively. Knock, and then the more you play, the more excited you become. When the mother who had just come back from the bathroom saw this, she immediately snatched the forks from the hands of the two children and asked them seriously: \”Why are you banging the table with the tableware?\” The brother hesitated for a while and told his mother that he just wanted to know how to use steel. What sound does it make when you hit something else with a fork? The younger brother, on the other hand, watched his older brother having a lot of fun, so he followed Feng to play. After hearing the reasons of the two children, the mother looked at the two children and said: \”Tableware is for eating, not musical instruments or toys. The noise you made has disturbed others, which is wrong. From now on, no matter where you are at home, , or outside, you shouldn’t do this, you know?” The two children nodded, admitted their mistakes, and promised not to do it again next time. In fact, many times, some wrong behaviors of children are due to curiosity. A large number of studies in psychology have shown that exploring unknown things in the surrounding world is a common behavioral response of human beings, and it is a stable need with biological significance formed by human beings in the long-term biological evolution. There are some things that the more parents don\’t let them do it, the more children can\’t help but want to do it. Therefore, when setting rules, you should clearly tell your children the reasons, let them understand what is right and wrong, and help them understand the rules. Staircase effect: The road must be walked step by step, and the rules must be established bit by bit. A teacher, in order to improve students\’ writing level, formulatedA series of regulations were set: for the first composition, as long as the students write the words in the square and write more seriously, they can get more than 90 points; for the second composition, as long as there is no comma (mark) at the end or a paragraph at the end, You can get more than 90 points; in the third composition, as long as there are no typos, you can get more than 90 points… Slowly, the students\’ composition level has been greatly improved. This phenomenon is like climbing the stairs step by step, which makes it easier and smoother to climb to high places. This is also an interesting law in psychology, called the \”staircase effect.\” When setting rules for children, the \”staircase effect\” plays an important role that cannot be ignored. There is a mother online who has a 5-year-old boy. Children always like to put toys around. There are his toys in the living room, balcony, room, kitchen, and bathroom. Every time she asked her son to put away his toys, he ignored her. After being beaten and scolded, in the end she had to deal with it alone. Later, she did not ask her son to clean up all the toys, but only said: \”You only need to clean up the toys in the kitchen, and other mothers will clean up.\” Because the son rarely played in the kitchen and there were relatively few toys, so the son went there happily. Packed up. After finishing cleaning, I was very proud to wait for my mother\’s praise. Later, the mother increased the scope of the child and said: \”Now you are responsible for the kitchen and living room, and mother will clean up the rest.\” The son did not refuse, and would clean up the toys in the living room and kitchen by himself before going to bed every night. Gradually, the child does it on his own initiative without even having to be reminded by his mother. Later, his mother reminded him that if he put the toys back in their place after playing with them every time, he would not have to clean them up at night. Since then, the child has not thrown toys away. As the saying goes: You can’t become fat by eating one bite. When parents set rules for their children, it is impossible for the children to do their best the first time. Therefore, the behavioral norms and goals set for children should be from small to large, from easy to difficult. Don\’t ask your child to do his best all at once, but guide him step by step to do better. Broken window effect: If a small mistake is left unchecked, it will only get worse in the future. In a parent communication group, a mother complained to everyone. Her son has just entered third grade and likes watching cartoons very much. Once he starts watching, he can stare at the TV all day long. Considering the child\’s vision problems and homework problems, she set a rule for the child: he can only watch one episode of cartoons every day, and he can only watch it after completing his homework. After persisting for a week, my son asked his mother to discuss: \”Can I watch cartoons today and then do my homework after watching it? There is not much homework today.\” At that time, my mother felt that it was not a big problem to make an exception. Anyway, there was still homework. I wanted to write it, so I agreed to the child’s request. Unexpectedly, after making an exception this time, the child would frequently ask to watch cartoons before doing homework. From watching just one episode, to two, to three… before I knew it, all the rules I had set were broken. In fact, this is because we have fallen into the vicious circle of the \”broken window effect\”: if someone breaks the window glass of a building, and the window is not repaired in time, others may be subject to some demonstrative connivance. Go break more windows. One building is a little dilapidatedBuildings with windows, if those windows are not repaired, vandals will destroy more windows. They may even break into a building and, if found uninhabited, perhaps settle there or set fire to it. A sidewalk with a few pieces of paper will soon have more trash, and eventually people will just throw the trash on the ground as a matter of course. If bad phenomena are allowed to exist, they will induce people to make the same mistakes again and again, or even make them worse. The same goes for setting rules for your children. If parents are blindly indulgent and treat rules as decoration, their children will continue to challenge the bottom line. When a child breaks a rule once, there will be a second and third time. If parents don\’t correct them in time, problems will accumulate. Only when a child makes a mistake and his parents stop him can the child stick to the rules better. Watch rule: Set rules for children, and parents should have a united front. In the variety show \”Parenting Master\”, a father brought an ice cream to his daughter when he was tutoring his daughter on her homework, so that her daughter could enjoy the sweets while studying. But the mother saw it and was very angry and scolded her daughter. The father on the side saw that his daughter was at a loss, so he explained that he just wanted his daughter to relax. Moreover, Dad felt that if he just ate an ice cream, and if he didn’t eat it often, it would have any impact. The mother still took the ice cream from her daughter\’s hand and said firmly: \”It\’s study time now, don\’t eat it.\” Then, the mother turned around and yelled at her father: \”At least wait until your daughter finishes studying before giving it to her. Why do you always It happens every time. It\’s not easy to develop good habits. You have to make trouble every time!\” The child was sandwiched between his parents, wondering whether he could eat the ice cream, and finally couldn\’t help crying. The fundamental reason why children don’t know what to do is because they don’t know who to listen to. It\’s like the \”watch law\”: when a person only wears a watch, he can know what time it is. When he wears two watches, it is difficult to determine the accurate time, causing the watcher to lose judgment of time. When setting rules for children, if one parent goes against the grain, the child will not know who to listen to, and in the end no rules will be established. Only when parents\’ education fronts are aligned can rules be effectively established. A friend told me an interesting thing. Once, my seven-year-old daughter was enjoying watching cartoons, but the agreed time to watch them for an hour had already arrived. When the mother went to turn off the TV, her daughter started to act naughty and wanted to watch it for another 10 minutes. If the mother disagrees, the daughter goes to her father. But the father, who has always been a slave to his daughter, immediately said, \”I listen to your mother, and whatever mother says will be whatever she says.\” The daughter had no choice but to accept the reality honestly. Therefore, when setting rules for children, only one voice is needed. This voice is responsible for pointing out the direction for the child, and at the same time, it also draws the child\’s bottom line so that the established rules will no longer waver. Hot stove effect: Appropriate punishment is a necessary auxiliary means to establish rules. There is a question on Zhihu: Which parents have you seen who were surprised by your education methods? A netizen shared a story. There was a mother and son on the high-speed train. The little boy was about five or six years old. He always liked to move around in his seat. He also deliberately kicked the backrest of the passenger in front of him. After his mother warned him, the little boy alsoIt was just quiet for a while, and then it started to move around again, jumping out of the seat and running and jumping in the car. The passengers were very disgusted, and the mother was also angry. She directly pulled the little boy to the open space at the connection between the carriages and made him stand. The little boy reached out for a hug, but the mother took a step back to avoid the little boy\’s coquettishness. The little boy suddenly pursed his lips and wanted to cry. The mother showed no mercy and asked sternly: \”I warned you twice, have you turned a deaf ear to your mother\’s words?\” Looking at his mother\’s serious look, the little boy was a little scared and wanted to be hugged by his mother even more. His mother was still unmoved and ordered him to stand there for 10 minutes. During those 10 minutes, the mother sat not far away and kept watching. The little boy kept crying softly, which made everyone else feel soft-hearted and persuaded the mother to forget it. The mother said: \”If a child does something wrong and doesn\’t listen to instructions, he should be punished. Let him remember it for a long time.\” After the punishment, the mother took him and apologized to the passengers around him, then took her son\’s hand and returned to his seat. . After that, the boy sat in his seat and ate quietly without making any fuss all the way. This story reminds me of what Professor Qian Wenzhong of Fudan University said: \”There must be an element of pain in education. This is self-evident. After all, children are not adults. Children must be disciplined, punished, and let them know , Education is not just about happiness.\” Punishment is an effective auxiliary means. Because punishment allows children to experience firsthand what should be done and what should not be done. It\’s like the meaning of the \”hot stove effect\”: no matter who you are, you will get burned as long as you come into contact with a hot stove. Anyone who violates the rules and regulations will be punished. As a parent, when educating your children, you should neither forget to set rules nor ignore the need for punishment. Without punishment, without rules, without authority, there is no progress. There is a saying on the Internet that makes a lot of sense: \”Educating children requires a kind of perseverance, and you must adapt to the child\’s feelings and rhythm. If you use the wrong education direction and method, the child will knock you away.\” Rome was not built in a day. Children\’s rules are not established in a day. You know, in the face of a naughty child, parents have to talk a thousand times and break down emotionally a thousand times before they can teach a good habit. When parents master the method that is most suitable for their children, rules can be established with ease and effectiveness. Click \”Like\” and hope that parents can raise a good child with rules and good manners.