How to socialize children in school and how to treat friendship brain

Dear daughter: Two days ago, you went hiking with your friends. On the way, your friends thought you were climbing slowly and left you behind. You went back down the mountain first, but they asked you to wait at the foot of the mountain for two hours. As a result, they went home first through another exit. They felt confident about this: I blame you for climbing slowly, which ruined their interest in climbing. Obviously you were the one who was hurt and you were the one who was sad, but in order to please them, you invited them to your house to play that night. Share the snacks you can’t bear to eat, and give away all the new toys you haven’t played with for a few days. When they say \”I forgive you\”, you are grateful for their \”generosity\”. At that time, my mother couldn\’t bear to scold you because she couldn\’t stand the way you wronged yourself. Now calm down, I think it is time to make up for this missing social lesson for you at the beginning of school. First of all, Mom wants to talk to you about the \”Friendship Brain\”. People with a \”friendship brain\” take friendship too seriously and tend not to distinguish between good and bad, and settle for compromises. Just like you, in order to maintain friendship, you always put your friends at the top and yourself at the bottom. However, this often does not lead to goodwill in comparing one\’s feelings with one\’s own. On the contrary, it easily leads to calculations that go beyond the reach of others. Remember the movie \”Our World\” we watched together? The girl named Li Shan, in order to please her little friend Paula, took the initiative to do duty for Paula, knitted bracelets, gave small gifts… and listened to her in everything. But the more careful she was to please, the more Paula took her efforts for granted and trampled her heart under her feet. Therefore, Li Shan was inevitably teased by Paula again and again. Later, Li Shan made another new friend, Ji Ya. Li Shan copied his passion for Paula in Ji Ya. How to cultivate children\’s social skills, share their favorite things with Zhiya without reservation, and let their emotions be easily influenced by Zhiya. She will be happy for a long time because of Zhi Ya\’s gesture, and she will also be sad for a long time because of Zhi Ya\’s words. She even secretly used her mother\’s money to buy an expensive gift for Zhiya. But Zhiya not only ignored her various intentions, but also deliberately played with her. She carefully prepared a birthday gift for Zhiya, but Zhiya didn\’t invite her to the birthday party at all. At that time, Li Shan was sad and crying on the screen, and you were angry and anxious outside the screen. You said: \”Why is Li Shan so stupid? No one treats her as a friend, and she always tries to please her. No wonder people bully her.\” Yes, this is actually the danger of the \”friendship brain\”. If you are deeply involved in it, you don\’t know what\’s going on. Harmful. Therefore, my mother hopes that you will recognize the truth: sincerity may not be able to exchange for true love. Some of the people you think are good friends may actually do harmful things in the name of \”friends\”. A netizen on Douban once wrote a post of regret. Her grades were pretty good and she was expected to be admitted to a key university. However, an accident in her sophomore year of high school brought everything to a halt. At that time, she had a good friend who always encouraged her to skip school and go to the Internet cafe. She knew it was not good to do so, but because she was afraid that her friends would fall out, she lied again and again and asked for leave to go clubbing with her friends. Later, my friend had a conflict with a classmate from the next class and arranged a group fight. She participated in it for the sake of loyalty to her friends. As a result, one of them was blinded in his left eye, and they were all sent to juvenile detention centers. She was extremely regretful: \”If I could haveI have to distinguish between good and bad friendships and keep the bottom line of friendship, so that my life will not be so gloomy. \”Once you choose the wrong friend, your entire life will be ruined. The harm of harmful friends is comparable to poison. Next, my mother wants to talk to you about \”poisonous friends\”. The reason why \”friendship brain\” is very harmful is because \” \”Toxic friends\” are subtly poisoning you. The key to staying away from the \”friendship brain\” is to first stay away from these six types of toxic friends. 1. Friends who export \”negative energy\” In psychology, there is a famous \”emotional contagion experiment\” . Put a smiling person and a frowning person in the same room and observe their emotional changes. As a result, within half an hour, the smiling person becomes frowning. Sadness and mourning are contagious. No matter how positive you are, no one can withstand the long-term erosion of negative energy. Stay away from negative friends as soon as possible so that the sun can shine into your life. 2. Belittle and attack your friends. We once saw a video of a little girl performing and singing on stage. It drew waves of applause. But after she stepped off the stage, her friend kept belittling the girl: she was too nervous when she started singing, something was off-key, and her gums were exposed while singing… Before the friend could finish speaking, the girl started to swell. Her face turned red, and she no longer had any confidence or smile. At that time, you said angrily that her friend was jealous and deliberately hit people. Yes, real friends will not belittle and hit you. On the contrary, they will speak from the heart. To encourage you and recognize you. You must stay away from friends who deliberately step you into the dirt. 3. Controlling friends \”You can only be friends with me, and you are not allowed to play with her!\” \”I don\’t think she\’s good-looking. You can\’t say good things about her!\” \”There is this kind of person who always urges you to follow his ideas when they don\’t agree with each other or act inconsistently. Don\’t think that this kind of friend is just a bit overbearing. He is actually controlling you. After getting along for a long time, your opinions will change. It will be worn away little by little. 4. I don’t want to see your good friends. You once asked me why it was so rare that you got third place in the exam, but your friend Lingling looked unhappy and ignored you all day. There is a kind of person who wears a friend’s But she doesn’t want you to live a better life than her. He will not be happy for your progress, nor will he applaud your success. Your joy will never be shared with him. Don’t be sad, this kind of person is not worthy of you at all Deep friendship. 5. Friends who lead you to do bad things. If your friend encourages you to do bad things, such as: smoking, drinking, lying, skipping classes, fighting, bullying the weak… Don’t try it out of curiosity, and don’t try it out of loyalty. And go against your heart. If you are close to red, you will be red, if you are close to ink, you will be black. Only by staying away from toxic friends can you not be contaminated by bad habits. 6. Friends who put you in danger. Do you still remember the three girls who played the \”death game\” on the rooftop? The girl in blue herself clung to the railing without letting go, but encouraged her companions to hold each other\’s hands and play dangerous games on the edge of the rooftop. There was no protection behind them. It was frightening to see. This kind of person who does not care about the safety of others and makes fun of life is not Stupid, evil, you must not have anything to do with them. You only live once, and safety is always your most important bottom line. Mom knows that you are a child who cares about your friends and values ​​friendship. On weekdays, you always try your best.Try your best to maintain every relationship, for fear that others will not like you. But you have to know that true friendship is two hearts treating each other sincerely, rather than one heart beating another heart. My mother once read a blogger’s sharing. Her son was ostracized by his classmates because he couldn\’t play mobile games. In order to be gregarious, my son also wants to buy a mobile phone to play games. But she rejected her son\’s request and instead took her son to participate in the robot training class he liked. Here, her son met more friends who focused on improving themselves. Many times, the reason why you can\’t let go of a \”toxic friendship\” is because you have too few friends. Therefore, even if you are hurt by your friends, you still want to cater to and please them. Making more friends actually gives you room to filter. You will find that: some people dislike you for being a nerd, but some people are willing to read books with you; some people don\’t like your quiet personality, but some people enjoy being listened to. You don’t have to cater to everyone. You have to believe that there are always like-minded friends who will be attracted to you. You have always put your friends first, and would rather wrong yourself than say \”no\” to your friends. If you think about it carefully, have you experienced happiness in these friendships? Flattery cannot be exchanged for friendship, making yourself happy is the first priority in life. This is not selfish, but responsible for yourself. Only if you value your own feelings first will others care about your feelings. Only when you learn to love yourself first will others take you to heart. We once followed a TV series \”The Good Time Flows\” together. There is a girl named Gu Senxiang. Whether in or out of school, there are always many people around her: some are attracted by her talent, some like her kindness, and some want to learn from her… This reminds me of O. Delly Hepburn said: I will not chase the moon, I will let the moon come to me. Truly outstanding people have their own magnetic field, which makes people unable to help but draw closer to them. Therefore, my mother hopes that you will use more time to protect your friends to improve yourself and strengthen yourself. You have to believe that if you bloom, butterflies will come. Making friends is important, but making the right friends is even more important. At the beginning of school, my mother hopes that you will stay away from friends who consume you as soon as possible and take the initiative to get closer to partners who nourish you. In a healthy friendship, we rely on each other and achieve each other\’s achievements.