How to solve the confusion and anxiety in educating children

A few days ago, I watched an interview video with Teacher Dai Jianye. He said with tears in his eyes in the video: \”If I have another child, I will definitely not educate him like this. Now parents in the whole society are extremely anxious and nervous. Their children have to make up for this class and that class. Now I look back. Look, everything is wrong.\” Looking at Teacher Dai Jianye\’s regretful look, I suddenly thought that my son was also experiencing such an education. When I thought of this, I suddenly felt sad. I remember that Mr. Gu Mingyuan, the honorary president of the Chinese Education Society, once said: \”Learning cannot be about competition. We are now overly competitive and have lost the original intention of education. Examinations are for better learning and mastering knowledge, not for the end.\” academic performance.\” Indeed. The hidden dangers of Chicken Baby have gradually been revealed. Nowadays, if we want our children to achieve truly excellent and long-term development in this anxiety-ridden and severely involved environment, we must have these three \”reverse\” abilities. Anti-anxiety: Have a stable mentality. Mr. Hei Youlong, the father of the Chinese Carnegie and the founder of the slow-nurturing education concept, once said: \”90% of the parenting problems of Chinese parents are mostly due to being too anxious.\” Many parents are eager to let go. The child beats his peers and doesn\’t hesitate to get ahead of himself, crazy chicken kid. A 10-year-old boy got a score of 99.5 in the exam, but was scolded by his powerful father: \”How come you only got a score of 99.5, and you still have 0.5 points left?\” The mother of the crazy chicken boy then gave him more practice questions that he couldn\’t finish. . The best way to get rid of anxiety attacks? The end result of Chen Mo\’s 40 lessons on how to be a non-anxious parent is that the child was forced to become hysterical under the super pressure and huge psychological depression. A 7-year-old boy was forced by his mother to write 376 papers during one summer vacation. As a result, the child became inferior, timid and sensitive. A Shanxi boy was slapped wildly by his mother because he didn\’t memorize chemistry knowledge well. 985 The parents of two master\’s degree students are so angry at their son who is a scumbag that they always prepare quick-acting heart-saving pills. If we think about it carefully, we will find that both parents and children have become victims of \”anxiety\” due to the gap between reality and expectations. The higher the parents\’ expectations, the greater the disappointment. The greater the pressure on a child, the more fragile his heart becomes. I am reminded of what the writer Li Xianglong once said: \”A person who is always full of fear and spends all his time anxious will hardly have a good tomorrow.\” The same is true for anxiety education. In the National Health Psychology Survey conducted by the Chinese Academy of Psychology: the detection rate of depression among middle school students was 24.7%, and one in four children had depressive symptoms. In an epidemiological survey conducted by the National Health Commission: 17.5% of children and adolescents have psychological and mental disorders. Research conducted by Nanjing Brain Hospital shows that the incidence of suicidal self-injury among primary and secondary school students nationwide is as high as 27%. These cruel statistics are all warning us: anxiety is destroying our children. There is a passage from the writer Qingshan that I deeply agree with: \”People need to follow their own nature and become who they really are. Just like seeds, they sprout and grow according to the inner rhythm and order.\” In \”Amazing Mom\” There is a mother named Li Qi. She and her child\’s father are elites who have returned from overseas, but her son Xiaoshuai is a scumbag.However, she was not anxious at all, but was very relaxed. If her son\’s handwriting is not very good, she will not criticize her, but encourage her son: \”That\’s right, the writing is getting more and more into the grid.\” Seeing that her son\’s idea of ​​​​solving the problem is wrong, she will not tell her directly. Not to mention denying his son because of this. She has set up settings for her son\’s electronic devices so that as long as he is playing within the specified time, she will not interfere. Her son likes playing games, programming, building computers, editing videos, dreaming of becoming a UP owner or programmer, and other things that have nothing to do with study. She never forcibly prohibits him, but instead provides support to her son as much as possible. She has always believed that: \”A child is born with a mission, and he has his own path. What parents have to do is to help their children develop their strengths, avoid their shortcomings, and maximize their children\’s potential.\” In her relaxed, calm, and charming way, Under rational education, his son not only became a business expert in school, but also founded his own publishing house and became an UP owner with 800 fans on station B. As the Turkish proverb goes: \”God prepares a dwarf branch for every stupid bird.\” A good education is never about following the crowd, but about \”personal customization\” that varies from person to person. Giving up useless anxiety, allowing yourself to have a relaxed and stable mentality, and helping your children find the most suitable path is the best education that parents can give their children. Anti-involution: Accompany children’s growth with a long-term perspective. CCTV’s “News Investigation” program once reported on such a group of special parents. Today, when education involution is becoming more and more serious, they move their children from major cities in the Yangtze River Delta to primary schools in rural areas. They don\’t care about the richer learning resources and fiercer competition in big cities. They just want their children to grow up smoothly in the relatively relaxed educational environment in rural areas. A mother named Xiaolu said: \”We hope that the children will have more experience instead of repeating the questions.\” A mother named Yu Xi said: \”My son used to study in a famous primary school. He learned ahead of time, compared learning, and over-study.\” The environment made my son\’s originally lively and cheerful personality become less talkative and less interested in learning. After coming here, my son regained his confidence in learning and took the initiative to pick up the piano, which he had not practiced for a long time. People have also become more cheerful.\” A mother named Jiaying said excitedly: \”I once secretly asked the parents of my former classmates for a few papers from urban schools. I was able to get 70 or 80 points, which was very satisfying. Just like before, you have to worry about every point.\” What\’s even more surprising is that these children who temporarily escaped from the \”involution\” still adapted well when they returned to the city to attend junior high school. I am reminded of the strong advice that American educator King John Bacon once issued to all parents: “Give children the relaxed environment they need, let them reconnect with their true selves and the world that belongs to them, and remove them from the Rescued from our adult world full of stress and tension.\” Outstanding children are never forced. All \”chicken babies\” and \”involution\” that ignore the child\’s own emotions, preferences, receptive abilities, and psychological conditions are likely to be in vain. Wang Defeng, a professor at the School of Philosophy at Fudan University, also had high hopes for his son. He also talks to all the \”chickens\”Like the parents of \”young children\”, they plan the best life for their children, pave the way for the best steps, and hope that their son can be admitted to Fudan University like him. But on the day when the college entrance examination results came out, he was told: His son\’s results were… Not to mention going to Fudan, he almost couldn\’t go to college. Wang Defeng felt cold and disappointed, but he had to accept the reality. What is surprising is: when Wang Defeng stopped being obsessed with his son\’s grades and chose to let nature take its course, his son actually fell in love with him. In order to study, I was admitted to the world\’s top school – London Business School. Professor Wang Defeng attributed this to \”fate\”, but I believe even more: what children need to grow is the power to break out of the shell from the inside out. Rather than \”pushing out growth\” under the pressure of external forces. As Kevin Kelly said in \”Out of Control\”: \”Let life be free to go where it wants to go. Don\’t worry, he has his own strength and will adapt on his own.\” \”Rejecting involution, accompanying children to grow with a long-term perspective, and helping children find themselves, see themselves, and transcend themselves is the truly powerful education. Anti-internal friction: Don\’t waste your children on small things. A netizen once said in a particularly painful way online Telling about his own growth experience: “When I was a child, if I accidentally touched my chopsticks to the ground, stained my clothes while eating, made a mistake in dictating a word, or missed a question, I would be deducted one point from my exam, and my mother would scold me loudly. To this day, I am extremely afraid that I will do something wrong. I always felt like I was being monitored all the time, which made me timid, sensitive, and extremely unconfident. \”Happiness psychologist Zhou Fan said this: \”Guilt is the fastest thing to kill the sense of power. The more you judge or condemn others, you actually deprive them of the power to change. \”Parents\’ constant criticism, accusations and denials cannot change their children\’s behavior. On the contrary, they will weaken their inner strength and make them sensitive, inferior and anxious in the internal friction of shame, regret and self-blame. Writer General Guo shared her experience in treating road rage in the book: In order to treat her road rage, she constantly reflected on herself – I too expected a smooth journey and would not accept any vehicles cutting in line. So, she reset her expectations for herself Standard: From smooth traffic all the way to congested halfway, from no vehicles cutting in line to allowing ten vehicles cutting in line. As a result, she was surprised to find that she could accommodate various situations within the predictable range, and her mood became calmer. Likewise Reason. The reason why parents hold on to their children\’s small mistakes is essentially because they are too anxious and pursue perfection too much. If we lower our expectations of our children, allow our children to make mistakes, and allow our children to slow down, we will have a lot less anxiety, and our children will She will also have more psychological flexibility and strength. I remember Li Xueqin once said in a program that her class teacher firmly believed that \”a small tree cannot grow straight until it is cultivated.\” Therefore, she was often called a parent. However, not only did her father not Instead of criticizing her, he spoke for her in front of the teacher: \”Teacher, I think there is nothing wrong with a little tree as long as it doesn\’t grow crookedly. \”Dad\’s tolerance and relaxation gave her a relaxed and comfortable environment to grow up, and also allowed her to become the best version of herself. So, you see, truly powerful parents will never waste their children on small things. Instead of holding on to their children,Don\’t let go of your child\’s small mistakes and make your child live cautiously, walking on thin ice. It is better to catch the big ones and let go the small ones, and give the children a kind and relaxed environment, so that the children can grow into a big tree with luxuriant branches and full of vitality with sufficient sense of security and happiness. William Deresiewicz, a professor at Yale University, wrote in the book \”Excellent Sheep\”: \”I have seen many friends around me sacrifice their health, friendships, love, personal exploration, etc. for the sake of grades and resumes. Extracurricular activities, etc., and these sacrifices are the cornerstone of building a person\’s heart and soul.\” The same is true for our current education. Being a desperate chicken child, crazy involution, consuming children on countless little things, causing children to lose the most important things in education as they grow up: sufficient self-confidence, enthusiasm and motivation. Education is an elegant and slow process. No anxiety, no involution, no internal friction, so that children can easily go into battle and take their own path in life. Please click \”Like\” at the end of the article. Being a sober and relaxed parent is a blessing in your child\’s life. mutual encouragement.