How to solve the new phenomenon of domestic violence?

When I was young, domestic violence meant beating, scolding, and corporal punishment of children. However, as those born in the 80s and 90s entered the role of parents, beating and scolding children became less and less common. Everyone has their own way of educating their children. Domestic violence in the form of beatings and scolding is becoming less and less common, but many new types of domestic violence are becoming prevalent, destroying children\’s spirits. Many parents may never realize that the words they unconsciously teach their children can turn into a small knife that penetrates into their children\’s hearts, and even the pain will accompany the children throughout their lives. This kind of \”new type of domestic violence\” is everywhere in life, but few parents pay attention to it. Habitual use of offensive language Although the new generation of parents can basically refrain from beating, scolding, belittling and insulting their children, many times when they need to vent their emotions, they just use a more subtle way – offensive language: \”Really Stupid, you can\’t do such a small thing well, what can you do well in the future?\” \”You know how to cause trouble\” \”How come you can\’t even walk properly?\” Although they don\’t hit or scold, the essence of offensive statements is the same as insults, Derogation is the same, both are verbal violence. It is not less lethal than beating and scolding, but because it is more \”gentle\” and less likely to be noticed by us as potential \”violence\”, it occurs more frequently. If we really compare, this kind of long-term low-lethal offensive language is more harmful than the occasional high-lethal hitting and scolding! The long-term uneasiness, self-doubt, and fear of not being loved that it causes will slowly take over the child\’s heart. Of course, some people will say that if the children don’t listen to me even after I tell them a hundred times, there’s nothing I can do about it. A collection of family recipes for gourmet bread recipes in high definition and full color PDF. The sound only gets louder and louder, and the words get harder to hear! It\’s really terrible for a child to be angry sometimes. A mother who is always gentle and never angry is either a god or a stepmother. But it’s okay to be angry, and it’s okay to express angry emotions, but expressing emotions ≠ verbal attack ≠ venting anger. What can we do? You can be loud, you can be angry, you can tell your child, \”You make mom very angry by doing this,\” or \”I don\’t like you throwing toys away,\” or even scold them with a straight face, instead of \”treating people or doing things wrong.\” Therefore, try to change offensive language into neutral descriptive language, do not be emotional, do not accuse from a high position, and describe the phenomenon you see. Offensive language: \”Go away, don\’t call me mom, you are my mom, okay?\” \”You\’re so stupid, you can\’t do anything!\” \”Why don\’t you die.\” Descriptive language: \”There are things everywhere on the ground. It\’s your toy. This makes me a little irritated. Please put the toy back in its place quickly!\” \”You are littering everywhere. Such behavior is uncivilized. Throw the garbage into the trash can. Thank you.\” Speaking well is really something that takes a lifetime to practice. Only when parents speak well can children learn to speak well. If parents always speak harshly to each other, these words will flow into the children\’s ears unchanged and eventually become the child\’s language. Cold Violence Punishment Cold Violence Everyone knows that what most couples hate most when they are in love is not the red-faced quarrels, but the cold violence when one party disagrees. But after becoming parents, many people bring cold violence to their children. A friend of mine once shared with us thatThe experience of being shut out by parents. She has forgotten the specific reason. What remains in her memory is the image of herself crying and banging on the door, calling her mother over and over again, and a deep sense of despair. Even now that she has grown up, the feeling of being abandoned, unloved and accepted that remains in her subconscious will still hit her suddenly. Therefore, for so many years, she has always been afraid and at a loss about her family, even though she knew that her parents loved her very much, even though her parents had never hit her. Many parents, when they are angry or annoyed by their children, are used to showing off their children. In the mild case, they will be cold-faced and ignore whatever the child says. In serious cases, they will shut the child in a dark room and shut the door outside. Maybe you just want to correct your child\’s behavior, thinking that if I ignore you, you will know how angry I am, and you will know that it is time to reflect on yourself. But they ignore the huge harm this approach does to children\’s hearts. Children will not think about \”Why is my mother ignoring me or why is she locked out\” as you want? The only thing they think about is \”Does my mother not love me anymore and doesn\’t want me anymore?\” At first, they may just question their parents\’ love. If they are treated coldly and violently for a long time, the children will realize that \”my parents don\’t care about my feelings at all\”, and then hide their emotions and close their hearts. Once a child closes himself off, it will be very difficult for parents to establish a close, trusting connection with them. I have seen an experiment called \”Three Minutes Ignorance\” before, which was particularly shocking. The babies had a lot of fun with their dad at first. At this time, the experimenter asked the fathers to turn their faces away, and then they could only face their babies expressionlessly for three minutes. The babies looked at their dad and tried to play with him again. But I gradually became frustrated because I didn\’t get a response. They began to look away, trying to find some new toys, doing various actions, trying their best to get a response from their father, and playing with their father, but there was still no response. Just three minutes later, the babies showed strong negative emotions and great pressure, breaking down and crying. There is a saying in psychoanalysis: \”The place of no response is a desperate situation.\” For children, parents\’ failure to respond, or even deliberate failure to respond, will really push the child into a desperate situation. As the researchers say, in real life, babies who have been experiencing \”three minutes of neglect\” like the ones in the experiment will eventually have tragic consequences. In fact, parents are just escaping when faced with the cold treatment of their children\’s unreasonable troubles. Because I really don’t know how to deal with it, so I can’t beat myself up or make myself angry to death. It\’s normal to have emotions, but we can\’t go all the way in the wrong way of venting them. You should calm down when your child has an emotional breakdown, but never just ignore it. It is about understanding and accepting children\’s feelings and guiding them to express their emotions and needs. Download the complete collection of a real Yu Shiwei lecture: 156 selected cases of preschool children’s family education stories. Childhood is about learning and growing up through trial and error. First of all, as adults, we must have this tolerance and patience. The purpose of discipline is to modify behavior, not to actually make the child angry. High-pressure environment. I don’t know if you have noticed it, but the children of this generation are actually much more stressed than we were when we were young. We are smallAt that time, all kinds of resources were tight, and my parents were busy making money to support the family, and they had no time to take care of us in every detail. Coupled with the lack of information and no horizontal or vertical comparisons, children and parents are actually relatively simple and happy. But it\’s different now. With 4 adults surrounding a child, they receive unprecedented attention, but this is a double-edged sword, and they will receive more demands than ever before. It is the richer nurturing energy that keeps our eyes on our children all the time. When we were children, we usually went home, put down our schoolbags, and ran away without a trace. We never went home until dinner time. As long as we didn\’t get into trouble, our parents basically didn\’t care. But now: If children come home from school without washing their hands, they will be told that they have poor hygiene habits and are prone to getting sick. If you play with toys and leave them everywhere, you will be told, \”You can\’t even put them away after use, so what can you do in the future?\” If you are a little hunched over and don\’t stand up well, you will be told that it looks like you are standing or sitting or not standing. Children who eat only rice without vegetables will be said to be picky eaters who are in poor health. If you are lazy about homework and don\’t like to do it, you will be told that children who are not self-disciplined will not be able to go far in the future. If you don\’t fall in love with English classes, you will be told that if you don\’t catch up with the world, you will definitely be left behind by others in the future. If you don’t take dance classes/building block classes/piano lessons seriously, you will be told that if you don’t have any special skills, you are destined to be mediocre. … From the moment you enter the house, all kinds of requests and lectures have never stopped, as if you don\’t pay attention at all, and the child\’s future life will be ruined. A casual swipe is an expert\’s parenting method, and a casual swipe is someone else\’s perfect child. Looking at my own children, it seems that everything is a little bit away from the \”good\” standard. Therefore, you feel that every second spent doing nothing and not working hard is a waste, and it is a sin for the child not to educate him well. Someone asked on Zhihu: What does a family that makes people feel suffocated look like? One upvoted answer: You will be yelled at if you wake up late, you will be yelled at if you put things in the wrong place, you will be yelled at when you eat, you will be yelled at even if you stand or sit down, if anything is wrong, your parents will tell you, you should How to do it. For children in the new era, the more attention their parents give them, the higher and more intensive the demands they feel. But it is naturally impossible for children to do everything as you wish. The less the child can do, the more anxious the adults will be, and the higher the pressure the child will feel. He needs to be aware of what is happening and be cautious at all times to deal with his parents\’ requests. When a child is under such high pressure for a long time and cannot breathe, his self is constantly suppressed, and his heart will easily collapse. In the end, he will either resist or self-destruct. According to surveys, many teenagers with depression tendencies stem from their parents\’ high-pressure education. Therefore, it is a good thing that we can pay more attention to children in the new era, but its side effects must also be deliberately avoided. Appropriately relaxing children is not only good for the children, but also leaves a way for parents to survive. There are no perfect children, and there are no perfect parents. Since we are not perfect, why should we keep our children on our preset path? A child who is subject to unlimited interference from his parents will never be able to surpass his parents when he becomes an adult. Every life has its own inherent motivation for growth and the ability for self-improvement. We only need to give our children unlimited love and some bottom lines that cannot be touched. In addition to these two things, please give your children the right to develop freely. if onlyLittle by little, your child will use his unique life to show you that everything will develop in a good direction. Emotional violence inflicted on children is not easy to see, but it hurts them the most. The child who is not heard by his parents will have a deep sense of loneliness that will stay with him for the rest of his life. Scott Pike said in \”The Road Less Traveled\”: \”True love includes appropriate rejection, timely praise, decent criticism, appropriate argument, necessary encouragement, gentle comfort, and effective urging.\” Behind a child who is sunny, healthy and has a rich heart, there must be a pair of parents who respond to everything and can see the needs of the child. The Chinese version of the e-book \”Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother\” by the Family Education Instructor + the English version pdf + mobi + azw3 is lit up [like], and be a guide, reliable friend and strong backing for your children on the road of raising children.