How to soothe your child\’s emotions when he feels wronged

People say: A child\’s face is like the sky in June, it changes at will. Soothing children\’s emotions is the most common problem that parents encounter in their daily lives. However, when many parents comfort their children who are at an emotional low, their inappropriate expressions often have the opposite effect. The way you handle your child\’s emotions deeply affects your relationship with your child. When calming your child\’s emotions, the following four sentences are not only ineffective, but may also easily make your child alienate from you. With the benefit of hindsight, \”I told you so long ago… you just didn\’t listen!\” After many children encounter sad or sad things, the easiest thing for parents to blurt out is: \”I told you so long ago…\” Some A friend once said frankly: \”When you are being comforted, the last thing you want to hear is this sentence. It has no comforting effect. Instead, it expresses resentment.\” Similar words include: \”Look, what I said .\” \”You just don\’t have a long memory.\” \”You didn\’t have so many things to do when you listened to me.\” These words have three levels of meaning: The first level: humiliation and ridicule. Adding salt to the child\’s wounds makes the child regret even more what he has done. The second level: shirking responsibility and drawing clear boundaries. \”The consequences are yours, I\’ve warned you,\” leaving the child in a helpless situation. The third level: Use children\’s failures to prove your foresight and demonstrate your parents\’ authority. There was a child who had a conflict with his friends in the community after school, got into a fight, fell down during the pushing, and bruised his arm. When he came home crying, his mother was anxious and angry: \”I told you earlier. Don\’t play with him, but you just don\’t listen. Do you think you deserve it?\” Compared with the comfort and distress, the cynicism hidden in the mother\’s words was more obvious. After the child was hit and hurt, he had to bear another shame. Children who make mistakes open their hearts to their parents and long for comfort from their parents, but such a barbed word deeply hurts their hearts. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! Denying the child\’s feelings \”It\’s just…it\’s not a big deal.\” In life, the most common mistake parents make is to underestimate the pain their children have endured. The child is very upset, but the adult says \”it\’s not a big deal.\” I once met a mother and her son in the hospital. The child had just received an injection and was crying heartbrokenly, clutching the hem of his mother\’s clothes tightly. The mother coaxed her in a low voice. Seeing that the child kept crying, she lost her patience: \”Okay, okay, stop crying!\” \”Look at the sister next to you who is smaller than you. Does it hurt?\” \”That\’s it. Many people are looking at you, don’t you feel ashamed!” The child is crying to convey a message: “I haven’t recovered from the fear and pain.” He longs for his mother’s understanding and empathy, but his mother’s reaction undoubtedly makes him very disappointed. . This phenomenon is too common in life. When a child becomes depressed because of a small thing, the adult\’s response is often: \”It\’s not serious, right? It\’s just a small thing!\” \”Are you too sensitive?\” \”Don\’t take it to heart. Focus on studying.\” Every \”comfort\” reminds the child: your feelings are not important, your feelings are wrong. This is undoubtedly more hurtful. Children have emotionsIt goes away quickly. In many cases, as long as we comfort him patiently, it doesn\’t take long for him to come out on his own. However, parents always deny their children\’s true feelings, and the true emotions that children want to release are blocked alive. Many children feel ashamed of the emergence of emotions. Although most of the things that make children emotional are trivial, their inner feelings are real. If pain can be quantified, the pain a child feels is no less painful than the pain an adult experiences when a blow occurs. Therefore, even for children, when comforting, it is best not to make subjective assumptions or belittle or deny their inner feelings. Like to talk about truths, \”You should do this…\” When children enter negative emotions, what they need most may not be solutions or strategies, but hope that their feelings can be seen and accepted. A student was defeated when he ran for class leader. He was very shocked and went home from school feeling depressed all the time. After the father found out, he began to analyze the reasons for his son: \”The class leader election also depends on popularity. The fact that your classmates didn\’t choose you this time means that you usually do something wrong. I think it must be because you are usually too stubborn and have a bad temper.\” , offended many classmates.\” Seeing that his son kept his head down and said nothing, he added: \”It\’s okay if you didn\’t choose, you can concentrate on your studies from now on.\” The son remained silent, turned around and locked himself in the room . Dad may think these words are reasonable, but for a child who is at an emotional low, it is a waste of effort. When children tell us their concerns, we always subconsciously give a lot of criticism and suggestions, but these are not the answers the children want in their hearts. My suggestion is that when your child is emotional, it is best not to discuss with him what is right and what is wrong. The famous management guru Peter Drucker often said when communicating with employees who failed to achieve their goals: \”I\’m not here to judge you, I\’m here to support you.\” We should also have this mentality when communicating with children who are in trouble. . Just like the failed student above, the child knows the reason for his failure. He does not need his father to analyze the problem and preach. He just needs the emotional support of his family. Maybe a hug, a touch on the head, a word of sincere concern… can bring huge comfort. Empty encouragement \”You can do it!\” is the crucial step to enter a child\’s heart. However, in real life, many encouragements cannot truly reach the child\’s heart. In a certain program, a junior high school girl told her father that she was having a hard time studying mathematics. Although she wanted to take every math class seriously, she was unable to do so in the classroom. She said helplessly: \”Some students in the class are very good at math. I have worked hard all my life but I can\’t catch up with them.\” After listening, her father comforted his daughter. Said: \”If others can do it, you can do it too. Dad believes in you.\” This kind of comfort may not seem problematic at first glance. In fact, it hints to the child: \”Learning mathematics well is not difficult. You will definitely do it well.\” !\” His tone was full of directions for successful results. When children try repeatedly without success and slowly make negative evaluations of their own abilities, their frustration deepens. There is a famous ice in psychologyThe mountain theory is a metaphor, which means that a person\’s self is like an iceberg. The tip of the iceberg above the water is just superficial behavior; the iceberg under the water is the unknown psychological needs. When a child confesses: \”My math scores are very poor.\” What he actually wants to express is: \”I can\’t learn well, and I\’m really sad.\” \”I don\’t know what to do to improve.\” At this time, empty encouragement On the contrary, it makes the children feel tremendous pressure. Saying \”you can do it\” is to ignore the \”difficulties\” encountered by the children. This is also the reason why many children become more afraid of difficulties the more they are encouraged and comforted. Child psychologist Chen Xin said: CCTV recommends over 500 high-scoring excellent documentaries. Children will become addicted to self-discipline after watching the pattern. \”Expectations and requirements for children should not exceed his abilities and current development status.\” Therefore, comfort your children. , the words must be true, the child\’s abilities must be recognized, and the child\’s difficulties must be seen and acknowledged. You can be a listener and let your children express their negative emotions and relieve stress; you can also work with your children to make the goals less difficult and give them more specific support. The famous American psychologist Arthur Jolamicali said in the book \”The Power of Empathy\”: \”Emotional understanding can definitely comfort people and is more useful than any language.\” We must also comfort our children. Understanding comes first. So, what can we say to our children? The following sentences are for your reference: \”Tell me what makes you so unhappy\” – guide the child to express his feelings and be a loyal listener; \”This happened, I know you must be very upset.\” ——Describe the child’s emotional feelings and accept the child’s emotions; “Is there anything you need mom’s help with?” —— Directly ask the child’s needs and provide specific help; “It’s okay to be sad for a while. Mom and Dad are here, we can I will always be with you.\” – Express your support. Even if the child is sad, the psychological defense line will not be broken. …The above words may not help your children get rid of negative emotions right away, but they can make them feel your understanding and love. That\’s right, the relationship between you and your child will be closer. If this article has gained you something, don’t forget to [like] at the end of the article. I hope every child can get along better with emotions.