How to teach a good child?

The child worked hard and scored 95 points, but the result was only a C grade! The final exam results were released, but a mother in Hangzhou couldn\’t express her pain. It turned out that her child had an unprecedented high score of 95, but because there were many children in the class with perfect scores, including 99 and 98, her son\’s high score, which made her overjoyed, was still classified as C. This mother described her mood as a \”roller coaster\”. Her words could not hide her loss and disappointment. How to Stimulate Students\’ Interest and Motivation in Learning Full Video Download She said she felt depressed, but it was difficult to criticize her son. After all, her son, who had always had unsatisfactory grades, had to take online classes and check for missing vacancies in order to prepare for this final exam. Full throttle. Clearly seeing the child\’s efforts, but feeling deeply disappointed, the complicated emotions of being a parent are vividly displayed on the page. Yin Ye, the genetic god, said: \”The reason why this earth is beautiful is that it has not given up every color.\” Every child is full of his own brilliance, but unfortunately, when parents quietly turn their expectations into the bottom line, the children Parents’ eyes also dim… When expectations become the bottom line, children are unable to learn. Some people say that 90% of parents’ anxiety stems from having too high expectations for their children. I deeply agree. Not long ago I read a book called \”Coming Ashore\”, which tells from the perspective of a Haidian mother how she took her son to the \”little to junior high\” level. Before her son was 10 years old, her mother was very \”Buddhist\” and just wanted him to grow up happily. When her child was in fourth grade, she occasionally attended a classmate\’s birthday party. She suddenly discovered that every mother present was already \”sprinting\” for the transition from primary school to junior high school, but she was not even ready to \”start\”. The parenting strategy changed since then, and she also joined the \”chicken baby\” queue. In order for her children to successfully \”join\” Haidian\’s \”Six Little Strong\” and enter the legendary best middle school in Beijing, she did not hesitate to quit her high-paying job in the Fortune 500 and became a study mother. From then on, the children\’s interest classes were replaced by Mathematical Olympiad classes, and the children\’s spare time was filled with test papers… Many parents involuntarily entered the \”chicken baby\” team, constantly urging their children to work hard, but they I forgot to review my original intention: the expectation that my children would grow up healthily has unknowingly become the bottom line for my children in the competitive world. How does a child experience being given too high expectations by his parents? Zhihu once had an answer that expressed the inner pallor and powerlessness of children: You only have the ability to take one exam, but they hope you can take the exam of Peking University and Tsinghua University; you just want to live in the present, but they have guided you for a long time. The future; you just want to study hard, but they want you to study hard and practice hard; you are so tired that you doubt your goals, but they tell you that if you don’t work hard, you will become like them; your abilities are limited, and you have to do it because of themselves Regrets and strive to do better… Finally one day, they give up on you, but you can never find the original you again… The higher the expectations, the weaker the children\’s motivation to learn. When parents are blinded by anxiety, it is difficult to see their children\’s reality clearly. Under unrealistically high expectations, children either experience excessive pressure and develop anxiety; or they avoid stress and develop fear of difficulties. When a child knows his or her abilitiesWhen they are unable to meet their parents\’ expectations, they often become helpless and give up their efforts, hiding and escaping whenever they can; or they become puppets on strings in the hands of their parents and are at the mercy of their parents… \”External Drive\” \”Power\” or \”internal drive\”? The bottom line principle is the key. Educator Suhomlinsky said: \”The whole trick of educational techniques is to grasp children\’s ambition.\” In other words, internal drive is the key to cultivating outstanding children. In this regard, many parents complain bitterly: They try their best to stimulate their children\’s inner drive, but their children are still like salty fish. What should we do? A large part of the reason for this situation is that parents blur the boundaries between \”external drive\” and \”internal drive\”. What is internal drive? In fact, it is like a small motor installed in the child\’s heart, which will continuously generate power. The child will feel happiness and satisfaction in the process of being pushed, thus stimulating the willingness to work harder. On the contrary, external drive requires the help of external factors to promote children\’s progress through rewards and punishments. Cross talk master Yu Qian once said such an interesting thing in \”Happiness Trio\”. 36 Chen Meiling’s Parenting Methods MP3 to Let Your Child Go Directly to Top-Rated Schools [Complete] In order to solve the common problem of children not wanting to go to kindergarten, he took precautions and began to make various psychological preparations before his son entered kindergarten. Whenever the child performs well, he will praise him in a fancy way: \”You are so good, I will definitely send you to kindergarten in the future.\” The subtle guidance makes the child full of expectations for going to kindergarten. When the day of the actual opening of the kindergarten, the son is very happy. After entering the campus, I went to school with full anticipation every day. It wasn\’t until half a year later that his son learned the truth: It turned out that going to kindergarten was not his privilege, every child had to go! However, this does not hinder the child\’s mood in going to kindergarten, because he has already fallen in love with kindergarten. In psychology, this behavior is called \”positive reinforcement\”, which triggers the child\’s internal drive by extrapolation. In fact, \”intrinsic drive\” and \”external drive\” are both the main ways of motivating children in educational psychology, but they are like the two ends of a seesaw, always waxing and waning. Parents’ encouragement and praise cannot be lacking, but if they use too much external push, it will destroy the child’s internal drive. If the child slows down, the parents will push them hard; if the child is a little tired, the parents will take the trouble to explain; if the child is dissatisfied, the parents will not be irritable and even use corporal punishment in the hope that the child will remember… The original intention of parents is to spur the child, but such an appearance The results are often unsatisfactory: the more closely parents watch, the more passive and slow children become; children are accustomed to being rewarded and bargain with their parents for everything… In the actual education process, should we encourage external drive or encourage internal drive? The bottom line principle is key! For example, when children go to kindergarten, parents can prepare their children psychologically in advance and help them overcome psychological difficulties together. But the child needs to clearly understand: no matter what, he must go to school, this is the bottom line! Parents must not compromise due to various circumstances. The \”bottom line\” is like a boundary between internal drive and external drive, allowing children to understand what they can and cannot do; it is also like a safety net, allowing children to explore freely within a safe range.Cable, understand that the contact line needs to rebound. When a child gradually understands the principles, he will gradually understand his responsibilities, spur himself on, and strive to make progress. This is the most important task of education. How to cultivate an excellent child with internal drive. External drive is the icing on the cake. Only internal drive can push children to run faster and further. How to awaken the little universe in your child and make your child a confident and determined child. Here are 3 suggestions for all parents. 1) Get to know your child again \”This child is very smart, but a little lazy.\” \”If he pays more attention, he can develop greater potential!\”… When the child\’s performance is unsatisfactory, never use \” Labeling children as \”lazy\” will obscure the essence of many problems and become a destructive misjudgment of children. Psychologist Adam Price said: Children\’s apparent laziness actually stems from their fear of failure. The poorer the grades and the less intrinsic motivation children have, the more anxious they are. Parents always take it for granted that their children are ready to face challenges, but in fact, their children may not have prepared well at all. Parents always think that their children can catch up as long as they catch up, but the reality of the difficulty has already prevented the children from starting. , you chose to give up… Re-understanding your child is the first key to stimulating your child\’s internal drive. Only when parents recognize a real child and the child recognizes a true self can they use the correct method to encourage themselves to work hard. 2) Stop saving. Parents often look to parents of “other people’s children” for advice: Why can you easily raise outstanding children without any effort? The answer is always surprising. You will find that excellent children are never the result of parents worrying day and night and putting all their efforts into cultivating them. It’s time to end the “helicopter” parenting style, stop rescuing, and let the children explore their own self-exploration, self-confusion, and self-rescue. Only in this way can the children find their true selves through transformation and tempering: I , what kind of person do you want yourself to be? How can I become what I want? The process may be long and painful, but at the moment when the child emerges from the cocoon and becomes a butterfly, the child will be able to welcome the new life with the best attitude. 3) \”I think I can do it\” can truly motivate children to generate a steady stream of internal drive. We must cultivate children\’s self-efficacy so that children can believe that they can do it when facing anything. Children with self-efficacy are better at overcoming difficulties and tolerating disappointments. Because for them, they always have the confidence to attribute failure to factors within their control, face failure with growth, and promote growth again in failure. Socrates said: Education is not indoctrination, but the ignition of fire. There is a faint beating fire buried deep in every child\’s heart. Stir it and let the fire start? Or douse it and extinguish the child\’s hope? The fire of a child\’s dream often lies in every inadvertent move of the parents: a just right encouragement, an insurmountable bottom line, or an interest that ignites the dream… Understand the child with insight and understand Educate children with a discerning heart and respect them with an accepting heart. A child’s life wall,It is built bit by bit. When the day comes, you can climb up to the castle, look into the distance, and see a more beautiful scenery.