How to teach children healthy anger

After transferring to another school, he felt angry about everything. Jiaming, who was in the sixth grade of elementary school, transferred to another school due to his parents\’ job transfer. Within a month, he became the most recognizable child in the class. While fetching water during class, a classmate accidentally bumped into Jiaming, and he immediately knocked him back. The Chinese teacher handed out papers, but they were missing when they were sent to him. Although the teacher said that a new batch of papers would be printed tomorrow to make up for it, Jiaming still felt that the teacher was targeting him. From then on, I often talked back to my Chinese teacher. The foreign language teacher\’s teaching ability is average, but foreign language is Jiaming\’s strong point, so he always likes to answer questions during class, challenges the teacher\’s authority, and disrupts classroom discipline several times. The foreign language teacher complained to the class teacher. The class teacher talked to Jiaming, and he plausibly said: \”What she said was wrong in the first place. There is obviously a better way. This is misleading the children!\” Jiaming\’s mother was interviewed by the class teacher. She had a terrible headache and had to take her with her. The child asked me for help: \”He is opposing for the sake of opposition, and in the end he is not happy! I once wondered if the child was sick, otherwise why would he seem to be a different person? Before he transferred to another school, he was a little rebellious, but At most, she talks back to us at home and never confronts the teacher! Now she is like a thorn in the side, quarreling with whoever she catches!\” When Jia Ming came to the consultation room, he looked careless and revealed a cunning look. The vigilance is the unique childishness of teenagers. In fact, children in early adolescence do not care about other people\’s opinions, but they pretend to be careless because they care so much. An effective way to lower your child\’s defenses is to speak with facts. I shared with him an interesting experiment: scientists used brain scanning technology to capture the emotions of children and compare the differences between teenagers and adults. The results showed that when seeing an expressionless face, the activation of brain areas in adolescents was much higher than that in adults. This demonstrates how easily teenagers internally judge others as “guilty”; even an emotionless response may be viewed as a hostile challenge. Living in a sensitive teenage period, coupled with the discomfort after transferring to another school, it is not difficult for us to understand Jiaming\’s anger: occasional collisions while fetching water would lead to physical conflicts; the teacher did not hand out a paper, which he interpreted as \”contempt\” \”…These aggressive behaviors may just be \”not wanting to be bullied.\” When talking about the experiment, Jiaming, who was originally casual, became serious and his eyes softened. I took the opportunity to ask him about his life before he transferred to another school. His words were full of nostalgia and reluctance, and at the same time he expressed concern: \”What if my foreign language teacher teaches like this and my grades drop?\” It turns out that there is a positive hidden behind the child\’s defense. Motivation, hoping that I can continue to maintain my English learning advantages in the new learning environment. Put yourself in someone else\’s shoes and help your child resolve hostility. During a private consultation, Jiaming\’s mother asked me excitedly: \”I don\’t understand why when others disagree with him, Jiaming must think that the other person is wrong and he is right?\” I said to Jiaming\’s mother: \”You might as well express your concerns directly to your child.\” Jiaming\’s mother was silent for a moment and then changed her tone: \”His father and I can try to tolerate the child. However, it is impossible for everyone in the world to let him! On the other hand, if he If you can understand others more and learn to put yourself in their shoes, will your life be easier?Woolen cloth? \”However, it is too difficult to look up the word \”understanding\” in the dictionary of teenagers! Because the frontal lobe of the child\’s brain is immature, his thinking will be more extreme and he will always insist on black and white, right and wrong. We need to get to the bottom of it. Simply persuading parents has a very limited effect. They need to use a special technique to cultivate their children\’s \”empathy\” and guide them to understand the emotions of others. I suggest Jiaming\’s mother do an interesting exercise with her children: mute the TV series, Without reading the subtitles, try to catch the emotions conveyed by the non-verbal signals on the screen. “Even if you practice for just 5 minutes, during this time, you can imagine the inner world of this character and explore what is happening to him. feelings and thoughts. \”I explained. Jiaming quickly questioned: \”What if I guess wrong? \”I further explained the meaning of the exercise to them: \”Whether the guess is correct or not, this exercise itself is of great significance. Imagining other people\’s mental activities can activate the prefrontal lobe of the brain and promote brain development. \”Jia Ming, who has a strong appearance but a sensitive heart, actually cares about other people\’s opinions and is eager to be more popular in the class. She immediately expressed her willingness to try. Use love to fill the gap and learn to understand others. After the first consultation, Ji Ming\’s mother also understood the teenage stage better. Growth characteristics. During this period, children are often very emotional. If people around them do something detrimental to him, he will feel that he has been abandoned by the world. He can easily be immersed in his own pain and cannot easily Getting rid of troubles may also amplify the pain through repeated entanglements. The best way to help a child get out of a bad mood is to provide him with a \”third-party perspective.\” Between the two consultations, Jiaming had an affair with the English teacher again Dispute. During the school cultural festival, the class was preparing to rehearse an English drama. Jiaming wanted to rehearse \”Romeo and Juliet\” and spent two weeks preparing the script. But the teacher chose the less difficult \”Snow White\”, saying that it would not be easy An error occurred. Jiaming angrily tore up the script he had written and threatened: \”In future foreign language classes, I will block my ears and not listen to a word!\” \”His dissatisfaction with the English teacher has reached its peak. Jiaming\’s mother didn\’t know how to deal with it, so she asked me for help during the consultation. I first let the child speak freely. Instead of criticizing his decision to not listen to the class, I asked him: \”If you were the monitor, what would you do? What do you think of this matter? Jiaming thought about it seriously and replied: \”Then I should be very anxious. Other classes have started rehearsing, and our class hasn\’t even decided on the script!\” \”It seems that the \’squad leader\’ prefers to finalize the script for rehearsal early and doesn\’t care much about what play to perform.\” And you have devoted a lot of time and energy to this, so you are particularly looking forward to acting in the script you wrote, is that right? Jiaming was silent for a while and then said: \”Maybe, the more you invest, the easier it is to be disappointed.\” It seems that I am the only one in our class who opposes the performance of \”Snow White\”. Everyone has really different ideas! \”I guided him to discover that not everyone cares about the script that much. Because their positions are different, everyone\’s attitude may be different. Even if Jiaming could stand from the perspective of a teacher, he would find that although \”Romeo and Juliet\” is very classic, But let primary school students rehearseA romantic drama may attract some criticism. A third-party perspective helps children break out of their own thinking patterns and consider other people’s ideas. In this way, Jiaming will not be so extreme the next time he conflicts with others. Sure enough, he never mentioned the failure to attend foreign language classes again. Timely review and resolution of crisis events Through psychological counseling, the conflict between Jiaming and his teacher gradually resolved. But when getting along with peers, he still needs more conflict-handling skills. Not long ago, a very bad thing happened to the school football team. Jiaming, who is in charge of logistics, bought the water in advance and put it in the classroom. He forgot to carry it to the school bus on the day of the competition. That day, they were playing away from home. They didn\’t have enough water to drink and were nervous, which affected their performance. In the end, they unfortunately lost the game. A teammate complained about Jiaming\’s poor performance. Jiaming was both angry and remorseful. Although the captain comforted him that \”it\’s okay\”, he still couldn\’t get over this blow and looked very decadent. A week later, Jiaming brought this frustration to the consulting room. I tried to ask him: \”After a week of thinking, what do you think about this matter now?\” Jiaming said what was on his mind: \”I was so excited that day, and I was so focused on discussing new tactics with the captain that I didn\’t even remember to move the water!\” I Empathy with him: \”I know it\’s hard for you to be a team member and a logistics supporter. Fortunately, you can buy some water from outside the stadium for emergency relief, but the price is more expensive!\” After being fully understood, Jiaming came up with a solution: \”Before the next competition, I will find a few more people to remind me! I will never forget it again!\” Any crisis event will become an opportunity for children to grow as long as it is handled properly. Through this incident, Jiaming realized his responsibility as the team\’s logistics. I believe he will handle it better next time because his mind has become more mature. It is easy for children to be greatly affected by a small thing and then question themselves. Parents can help their children review and let them see that they are capable of doing better next time. In this way, the child can repair his or her self-confidence. When a child complains and blames himself, if the parents can fill in the shoes in time and use certain psychological skills to patiently enlighten him, he will quickly get over his inner struggle and regain a sunny attitude. Non-violent communication skills online reading pdf+epub+mobi Slowly, children will become more mentally mature, look at problems more objectively, control their unprovoked hostility, become more adaptable to the school environment, and live better in a group.