How will children with good grades in primary school fare in junior high school?

A letter from a mother: Hello, Teacher Mei. I am the mother of a junior high school girl and a primary school teacher. My child has been outgoing, playful, and a little lazy since he was a child. He has been in our school since elementary school and his colleagues have taken good care of him, so his grades have always been pretty good. After entering junior high school, I relaxed a lot. In the first year of junior high school, I was okay in the major subjects, but I didn\’t memorize the minor subjects. I had to get around 600 out of 2,000 students. The major subject in the second grade of junior high school has also declined, with the worst number in the exam being over 800. In the first monthly exam in the third grade of junior high school, there were nearly 1,000 students [crying loudly], who were already on the edge of the worst high school score line. In the past two years, I tried all kinds of methods, including reasoning, heart-to-heart communication, and beating and scolding, but none of them worked. Instead, it got worse and worse. Now in my third year of junior high school, I still can\’t help but talk about her. She seems impatient with every word I say and is unwilling to communicate with us adults. But I couldn\’t see her studying hard when she got home. She had a severe lack of internal drive and was dealing with all kinds of fake studies. I can\’t see her memorizing what I should memorize, and I can\’t see her doing the questions I should do. I feel like she still doesn\’t have any sense of crisis about the high school entrance exam. I\’m so anxious that I can\’t sleep and lose focus on work. I really don’t know what to do. I’ve said everything I need to say countless times. Almost all the children in the same class as her in our school are in the top ten grades. When I meet my colleagues, I have to bow my head and walk away. I am really afraid that my children will not go to high school, but I don’t know what to do? Please tell me, Teacher Mei, can my child be saved? What should I do? This mother has been consulting me for at least two months. Although I did not reply to her in time, I have been thinking about this situation and thinking about it, because the mentality and methods of children and parents are indeed universal to a certain extent. An associate professor of psychology at Peking University conducted a survey on a sample of 38 students. Children from what kind of families and what professions their parents have are more likely to attempt suicide – primary and secondary school teachers. The control group was children without problems. In the past few years, I have gotten to know many outstanding teachers in primary and secondary schools, and I have discovered a pattern. Really outstanding teachers not only teach students who are physically and mentally healthy, but also have relatively good academic performance. Their own children are also very good. In the process of dealing with me, I discovered that these outstanding teachers have something in common: respect and care for students, equality and justice, close to children\’s hearts, knowledgeable, passionate about education, and insight into human nature. This is true education! The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! However, in the past two years, the majority of people who have consulted me have been primary and secondary school teachers. To sum up: In families where teachers have problems with their children, it is usually due to the general environment and subjective bias that some teachers have slowly developed a way of thinking that focuses on scores, and do not pay attention to students\’ moral, physical, and aesthetic education, and they do not care about their own children. The same or even intensified focus on scores may be the main reason for the high incidence of mental health problems among children in some families of teachers. In elementary school, we should pay attention to things that are more important than grades. Almost all of us adults came from elementary school. There is really not much technical content in anything before the fourth grade of elementary school. Generally speaking, children can learn it well as long as they can understand the teacher\’s lectures in class and practice a little after school. It’s a bit better to start studying in the fourth gradeIt is difficult for children, and their thinking begins to take a turn, but generally children can pass this turn smoothly. But it\’s different when you get to junior high school. Don\’t be fooled by your grades in primary school. Do you remember the words of Lao Qian, the highly praised blogger on Zhihu, that we forwarded in our previous article? \”When I got to junior high school, the three doors became nine doors, and the pressure suddenly increased, and it became a slope. Everyone has different characteristics, and their ability to adapt to various tracks is also different. Fast on the straight does not mean fast on the curves, and fast on the flat ground. , does not mean that the slope is fast, and the slope is fast, does not mean that the mountain road is fast. No matter how fast you run, if you don’t know how to plan the route, you will still be unable to move forward. If you want to stay ahead, you can’t just focus on the present, you must take a long-term view and prepare for the next race in advance. The ability and energy needed for the road.\” The key is, do our children have the ability and energy that the children in the next track have? ! What kind of abilities and energy? Word foundation, reading ability, concentration in class, logical thinking ability, and mental health index. If you lay these basics well, you will not fall behind in junior high school. Even if you fall behind for a while, you can quickly improve after adjustments. Some parents love to feed their children since elementary school, like to do exercises over and over again, and are complacent about their children\’s temporary results. They don\’t know that they have consumed their children\’s motivation to continue learning in advance. Once they reach junior high school, they need logical thinking and a lot of The background knowledge is paved the way, but the children cannot keep up in this aspect, so the parents provide more supplementary lessons and practice a lot, and the more the children supplement, the weaker they become. Children who are lazier in nature and have been hit by family and school at the same time can\’t keep up at first glance. They are broken and have no desire to make up for it. When children enter junior high school, parents reveal their true colors. Of course, in addition to the types of children mentioned above, there is also a kind of child whose logical intelligence cannot keep up. (The intelligence mentioned below all refers to logical intelligence) The intelligence level of a few children is the ceiling from elementary school to senior grade. They cannot learn any higher. What the common people say is \”not for learning.\” For example, 100 points in mathematics is very easy for some children, but some children need to work hard to get 80 points. In addition, there are inherent differences in children\’s concentration abilities. This is an objective fact, and we must first accept it before seeking change. Many parents will mistakenly attribute their children\’s attention problems to their children\’s learning attitude. In fact, this is not something they can control. They are also controlled by genes and endocrine. Have no idea! Just observe the children, respect and consider them, and treat them differently. No matter which way it is, if parents cannot clearly see their children\’s condition, cannot understand their children\’s feelings about learning, and just blindly tighten the clockwork and let their children keep spinning with the big army, then it will be bad. Just like the mother who consulted, if you nag, you get angry, you think your child is embarrassing you, you are full of fear, you have a cold war with your child, intimidation and inducement, the worse your child will feel about learning and society, and the more he hates learning. , naturally fell into a vicious circle. By the time it gets to this point, most of the child has been destroyed. Like the girls in the letter, as they enter junior high school and adolescence arrives, the children\’s self-awareness becomes stronger and stronger, and the authority of their parents collapses; the children with weak hearts blame themselves and attack themselves, and their sense of guilt becomes stronger and stronger, and finally… The road to depression.The so-called parents\’ true colors are exposed, that is, in the eyes of the children, your original love is all fake. As soon as my grades are bad, the mask of your love will automatically fall off. You say that your child\’s grades are poor, and you walk with your head down and are embarrassed to see others. On the other hand, if your child\’s grades are among the best, you must be proud and proud. Yes, we are all ordinary people, and this is inevitable. But think about it, the child\’s performance is already on the decline. She may be feeling guilty or in pain because of her poor ability or self-control. Will our behavior aggravate her pain? Your utilitarianism and undisguised anxiety are a thick wall separating your children. And the mother you want to believe is seriously enveloped in a kind of negative emotions of anxiety and comparison. Both her words and her words are accusations against her children. Other people\’s children are so good, but her own children are seriously disappointing. What children fear most is parents who are enveloped in this kind of emotion all day long. Not to mention the drive to learn, life motivation will also be exhausted. When I say put down grades, I am not calling on everyone to ignore their children’s studies and ignore their grades, but to avoid paying too much attention to their grades, which will have a negative impact on their children. After all, there are always a few who are ahead in grades, and most people are Puwa, so they must do things well in advance. Psychological construction. Children\’s physical, intellectual, and psychological development have their own early and late stages, and it is normal for differences to occur. The worse the children are, the more concerned they are about their psychological feelings. Be careful to prevent the temporary shadow of performance from spreading to the psychological level of your children. As long as they remain physically and mentally healthy and do not resist learning, there will still be opportunities for counterattacks in all aspects. The first thing to bear the brunt of is to nurture the child\’s self-esteem, let him respect himself, create conditions to make him feel that he is no worse than anyone else, love himself, and think that he has the potential for knowledge and learning, as well as other potentials, a future, and the ability to create a happy life. After a child feels respected, considered and supported, she no longer seeks outside, but begins to focus on her heart and make a difference. The so-called internal drive means that a person has a need for self-realization, a spiritual goal to overcome, and a passion for life! What parents need to do is to effectively help them solve problems and overcome difficulties, rather than blindly following the guidelines and attacking their children\’s self-esteem.