I abused children for 14 years…

While watching \”Love and Freedom\”, teacher Sun Ruixue told such a story. After a parent named Tang He listened to a Montessori lecture, his attitude towards his children changed 180 degrees. That day, her son timidly said, \”Mom, I want…\” Tang He said, \”I know, you want to go out to play, mom knows. Go and play for as long as you want. Come back whenever you want!\” Her son asked again, \”Then it doesn\’t matter if I come back late at night?\” \”It doesn\’t matter. It doesn\’t matter if I don\’t come back all night.\” When the son heard this, he thought, Oh my god, it can be like this. He was so happy that he sat downstairs all night without coming up. He waited until twelve o\’clock before going upstairs. Seeing this scene, Tang He said: \”I know what it feels like for my child to feel truly happy for the first time!\” Of course, Tang He\’s words were too exaggerated, and it was impossible for the child not to come back. Later, the child changed so much that Tang He cried with regret when she mentioned the past. She said, \”I was so cruel. I abused my child for 14 years!\” We originally thought that when we had our own child, we would be more Love our children and give them a better life, but we can’t. Our childhood growth experiences were not very good. As time goes by, those not so good growth experiences accumulate in our subconscious bit by bit. Until one day when we grow up and become parents, we start to use them again. Treat our children the way we have experienced ourselves. As parents, we must give our children selfless love. Because only love can help children grow up healthier and happier, have a sound personality and a beautiful life. This kind of love is broad, full, and full. Not in a needy, narrow, or selfish sense. American psychologist Eric Fromm said this: \”Love\” is like other arts that we master. It requires learning to master. It\’s like studying medicine. You can\’t be a doctor by birth. You have to study to become a doctor. His view is that every parent must also learn and make efforts to understand love. I remembered a little girl I met last time. The little girl wanted to eat sweet potatoes, and her mother bought her a sweet potato. After getting in the car, my mother was sitting there peeling sweet potatoes. The little girl shouted anxiously, \”I\’ll peel it, I\’ll peel it…!\” The mother said, \”You don\’t know how to peel it. Besides, your hands haven\’t been washed. It\’s unhygienic to peel it. You can\’t eat it.\” You have a bad stomach.\” The little girl said eagerly, \”Let me peel it, let me peel it…\” The mother refused sternly, \”No!\” The little girl\’s face was full of grievance and embarrassment. After the mother finished peeling the sweet potatoes, she handed them to the little girl and said, \”Eat it. No matter how anxious you are, you must be hygienic.\” The little girl pouted and said, \”I won\’t eat it!\” The mother said angrily: \”What, you just shouted to eat it. , I spent money and put in so much effort to peel it off for you, and then said I won’t eat it. Isn’t this a torment! I can do anything for three minutes, what can I do when I grow up?…\” God knows, that little girl is I want to peel sweet potatoes myself. She wants to experience the process of peeling the sweet potato herself. The sweet potato is what she wants to eat. Her mother bought it for her. She has the right to decide how to peel the sweet potato and how to eat it. But her mother deprived her of this right and the freedom to eat sweet potatoes.Depend on. My sister’s store often has couples shopping for clothes and shoes with their children. Most couples choose what they like and what they think is suitable for their children. Once, a couple brought their son to buy clothes. The couple fell in love with a three-piece sportswear set because they thought the cotton material was comfortable to wear and easy to wash. The color is a decent dark gray. The little boy doesn\’t want it, he likes jeans with Ultraman on the chest. The little boy hugged the denim jacket and refused to let go, muttering, \”I want Ultraman, I want Ultraman.\” The little boy\’s father was very angry. He took the denim jacket away and said, \”Denim jackets are hard and uncomfortable to wear. It’s not easy to wash. This sportswear is so good. You can touch it. It’s soft and comfortable to wear!” After saying that, he pulled the little boy over and took off his clothes and pants to try on him, regardless of whether he wanted to. The little boy stared at the denim jacket while crying. The clothes were bought, but the little boy never smiled from beginning to end. A child\’s growth, whether mentally or physically, is a process of becoming independent, and he will keep walking along this path. He will take many risks for his independence and will conduct various explorations. In this process, if you stop him, then he will have no freedom and independence as a person. Without independence, there is no real ability to survive, learn, and develop. Montessori said: We must cultivate our descendants to become strong people, which is what we call independent and free people. In real life, children often lose the freedom to develop themselves and learn the habit of restricting the freedom of others. This is the fundamental reason why we adults like to suppress and control others. It is difficult for us to tolerate letting children be free, especially when they are \”noisy\”. To be more specific, we are impatient to accept our children’s freedom. There is a child in our class, and his father complains to me every day when he comes home that he doesn’t do his homework. I asked him, \”Why doesn\’t the child do his homework?\” He said that the child is playful and just doesn\’t write. Later, I carefully observed this child in the class. We write homework in class to train children\’s small muscles and let them adapt to the movement of holding a pen, so there is no special requirement to write well. Every time my child does homework, I don\’t stare at him. If he likes to write in big letters, he writes in big letters, and if he likes to write in small letters, he writes in small letters. If he likes to play around and then write, that\’s okay. I just told him when to hand it in. The children are very happy every time they do their homework. He sometimes writes 3 so that one end is bigger than the other, but I don\’t criticize him. He writes his class assignments very quickly. I took a video and sent it to his father. His father was very surprised and said that the child did not do his homework well even when I asked him to do it at home. I asked him, \”Are you sitting next to him and staring at him?\” He said, \”That\’s for sure. If you don\’t look at him, will he write?\” I asked him again, \”Are you forcing him to write as soon as you get home?\” \”He said, \”It\’s necessary. Homework is the most important thing!\” I didn\’t ask any more questions. I know what the problem is. I told him, \”When the child comes home today, ask him, do you want to do homework first or play first? If the child says play first, ask him whether he will do homework at seven o\’clock or six o\’clock? If the child Say seven o\’clock, nothing elseTell him to play, and when it’s seven o’clock, you’ll tell him to do his homework! \”The parent didn\’t believe it, so I said you give it a try. After a week, the child will do his homework without you asking me any more. Two weeks later, the parent came to me again. He said, Teacher, you are so amazing. Now the child doesn\’t need me to do his homework. Urgent. In fact, it’s not my god. When you give children freedom, because of freedom, children will choose things that interest them; because they are interested, they will do it repeatedly and become focused; in long-term concentration , he gradually perceives and grasps the laws of things; after grasping the laws of things, he is willing to abide by it and has self-control. Give children freedom, the freedom to fully develop their potential, and the freedom to fully understand. With this freedom , he will be more patient and focused to do something, to dig out the truth of things and find out the laws of things. We all know that concentration is a thinking activity, concentration produces wisdom, and wisdom requires the guarantee of free time and space , more need for freedom of behavior. If a person\’s behavior can make good use of wisdom, the more he can maintain inner peace. In life, it is not difficult to find that those who truly have freedom from behavior to mind have a better understanding of life. There is enthusiasm. There is love and sunshine in their hearts. They can feel the joy and happiness in life better, and know how to respect others and obey discipline. Why? Because they are satisfied. When a person is satisfied, his heart is full , fulfilling. He will \”enjoy himself\” in whatever he does, smiles every day, is very capable, and is very independent in everything he does. Relying on suppression and discipline can only temporarily make a person succumb to you. He will endure it when you compete, but over time, once he has the ability to compete with you, he will definitely fight back. This is why so many children grow up to abuse and retaliate against their parents. How do you love your children in order to give them true love? Freedom? We can study through some books to understand the inner world of children, their growth rules and growth process. In this way, we will understand why children put everything in their hands into their mouths? You will also understand why they like to cry? Why they like to play with water, mud, sand, and eat with their hands. Before a child is born, smart and responsible parents will find some books and materials to study in order to have the skills to educate their children scientifically. The concepts of our parents are very outdated. We cannot predict what kind of life our children will face in the future and what kind of suffering they will experience. If we cannot change our past experiences, we can at least master the method of loving our children through our own continuous learning. Maybe some people say , who doesn’t love his child? I love my child too. I gave birth to him and raised him, provided him with food, clothing, housing and transportation, and enrolled him in special interest classes. I love him more than anyone else. But you have denied and scolded him countless times. Him, misunderstanding him and restricting him from an adult perspective. This is not love. If you love a child, please make him happy, let him not be afraid, let him face the sun, and let him face the sun without any need to be sad. You know, in For a child, freedom is happy freedom, unlimited possibilities and miracles in his life.