I always want to do it to my parents! How to educate children during their rebellious period?

A classmate asked on the Internet why he always wanted to do it to his parents! She said that she was pampered by her parents since childhood and was not allowed to do anything. The older she grew, the more she hated this arranged life. Although I know that my parents are also good for me, I even agree with their opinions sometimes, and sometimes I do what they ask. However, these situations are only when they can\’t see them, and they will do things according to their ideas. If it is in front of them, they will do things against them, and they just want to do things against them. Even if you know that this matter will have a bad impact on you, you still have to deal with it! ! This classmate is so worried and feels like she is going crazy. Her parents are also going crazy with her. She is so distressed. What should I do? (01) Let’s tell a crazier and more exciting story first. There is a child who grew up under domestic violence. His father was cowardly at home and would attack his wife and children when he came home. The mother thought that studying could change her destiny, so she urged her children to study. When she saw that her children were not studying hard, she would give them a good beating. This child likes to play baseball and always wants to play baseball, but his mother firmly does not allow it. The neighbor\’s aunt saw how pitiful the child was that he loved playing baseball but didn\’t even have a glove, so she secretly bought a baseball glove for the child on his birthday. But his mother didn\’t allow him to play baseball at all. Even having a glove would make her angry. So, don’t let your mother discover the baseball glove. However, at that time, there was no room of my own at home, so there was no place to hide the gloves. what to do? The kid wrapped his gloves in a plastic bag and buried them secretly under the ginkgo tree, only to dig them out every time he played baseball. One day, when the kid was digging in the dirt, he discovered that his gloves were missing and, oh my god, there were a bunch of reference books in a plastic bag… Mom said, those are useless things. Please read the textbook honestly and study hard to get out of this environment. There is still time to play baseball, but is there too little homework in elementary school? So, the mother enrolled the child in English and calligraphy classes. But this kid is dishonest. He rides his bicycle every day pretending to go to class, but in fact he goes to a friend\’s house or goes to the park to hang out, and doesn\’t go home until the fun is almost over. Once, as soon as I got home, my mother said to me: \”Hello, how are you?\” The child didn\’t know what to do and remained silent. \”You didn\’t go to class, did you?! Say \’I am fine\’, bastard!\” This is really chilling. How does mom know those English words? How did my mother know that I didn\’t go to class? The result was another good beating. After countless battles and beatings, this naughty kid finally grew up and was admitted to a prestigious university. Mom feels at ease now, her child has a bright future. But this naughty boy planned to retaliate against his mother for controlling him. He announced that he would not go to school in his graduation year. If you don\’t study, you will destroy yourself and your promising life, and you will completely dash your mother\’s hopes. (02) Finally, he mercilessly destroyed himself and his mother’s hope. After realizing this idea, I don’t know what to do next. The child had been depressed for a while and felt that it was meaningless. It would be meaningless if people lived just to confront their parents.Now, I can finally find something to do that I really like. So, this kid started to get involved in the entertainment industry, and became more and more popular. One day, the child suddenly felt homesick, so he called home. After destroying his mother\’s hope, there was very little communication between mother and child. This time when he called back, he was still very nervous. My mother answered the call gently, and then directly asked him for money. What the hell was going on, it was really disappointing. But in that case, let her see it. The kid prepared 300,000 in cash and wanted to surprise his mother. \”That\’s it?\” It was indeed his mother, with the same mean tone, \”It\’s only 300,000 yuan, and it looks great!\” In the end, they still broke up on bad terms, and the child vowed never to go home again. But my mother didn’t think about whether he would reply or not. Anyway, she asked him for money every once in a while. A few years later, my mother died. I left him a letter, which said, My son, my mother has been worried about you since you were a child. You don’t like studying and spend money randomly. I am afraid that you will have a difficult life in the future, so my mother has saved all the money you gave me. Your money is still your money, use it and make good use of it. The letter contained a passbook with an account opened in his name. When he opened it, he recorded the numbers in his distant memory, the amount of deposits on such a certain day in a certain year and month… Mom didn’t spend any of the money she gave her, she kept it all. Kitano Wu fell to the ground crying and could not stand up for a long time. He said that in this final contest, I should have had a nine-to-nine chance of winning, but I came back in the final round. Only then did he remember that he had chosen to drop out of school before graduation. Although he took revenge on his mother, he discovered that real life is not about fighting with your parents. Only then did I realize that I didn’t actually want to win, nor did I want to ruin myself, nor did I want my mother to be sad. He just wants to be himself, and real life is to be himself. This kid has always been himself. He has appeared on TV, made movies, written novels, and held art exhibitions. He has many identities, including director, actor, writer, host, university professor… Regardless of his identity, he is living and being himself. World cinema master Akira Kurosawa once asked him to inherit his mantle. His name is Kitano Takeshi. Kitano Takeshi said that the process of getting along with his mother in this life was basically a kind of \”torture\”. However, at that moment, all the resentment towards his mother melted away, and he saw his mother\’s love, cute and silly love. This is the cruelty of growing up. (03) Rebellion is not about truly being oneself. Rebellion is just a defense chosen in order to be oneself. There is a psychological defense mechanism called disidentification. What it means is that you try to make yourself less like someone (usually your parents). We often use this defense to express our rebellion. \”The Mask of the Soul\” tells an example of a mother who didn\’t like her daughter\’s fiancé. The daughter defended her fiancé, saying that her fiancé\’s illegal behaviors were just \”minor problems\” in her opinion. When this woman was in counseling, the counselor said to her that it was possible that you didn\’t want to become as \”critical\” as your mother. When she discussed it with the counselor, she confessed that she actually didn\’t really love that man that much, but she hated that her judgment was consistent with her mother\’s.Her resentment (disapproval) of her mother\’s obvious judgmental tendencies was one of the reasons why she wanted to marry that man. Even if that man is not good, even if you are unhappy marrying that man, you still have to do it in order to confront your parents and to be yourself. This is a phenomenon we often see in life. It is clear that the other person is a scumbag. Originally, the girl would not necessarily get together with the scumbag, but because of opposition from her family, the girl really got together with the scumbag. . Everyone is unwilling to be an accessory to others, even to their parents. It\’s natural, and it\’s already shown in very young children. Children who have just learned to speak often say \”no\”. Sometimes even if the child wants something, he will say \”no\”. This is the child declaring to the outside world that he has sovereignty over himself and that he is his own. Master, this is the most primitive way of confronting each other. It means refusing to be controlled by others and listening to your own inner voice. Everyone\’s growth is not smooth sailing. There are bound to be setbacks, and it is inevitable to encounter a few scumbags. As a parent, what would you do if you did everything and interfered in everything. To a certain extent, the child will avoid some detours, but it may also lead to bigger detours. Everyone\’s growth requires trial and error, and setbacks. Although setbacks are uncomfortable, there will certainly be difficulties in life, but this is a life that is completely his own. When a person can pay for his own mistakes, he learns to be responsible for his own life. The starting point of parents\’ cute love is to be good to their children, and the child\’s cute rebellion is to become himself. No one is at fault, it\’s just the relationship between parents and children that has problems. There is no perfect life, no perfect parents, and parents cannot pave a perfect path for their children. Everyone has to walk their own path. What parents can do is to provide some emotional support to their children during their hardships. For children, it doesn\’t matter how your parents interfere, arrange, or otherwise. What matters is how you view your parents\’ actions. Just like Kitano Takeshi, he didn\’t know his mother\’s motives until his mother passed away, and he didn\’t know the love hidden behind her mother\’s control over him. When you see the motivation behind your parents, your personality begins to mature. Parents may not be able to change, but if you know what you really want, you will naturally not fight against your parents to the extreme and destroy your future. When you can remove the emotional shackles of opposing things, you have begun to live a life for yourself.