I had such a bad temper when I was less than 1 year old, but it will get better when I grow up｜If you take care of it now, it will be easy in the future

The 8 or 9-month-old baby has always been very well-behaved, but suddenly one day his temper got worse, and he started yelling and making a fuss if he didn\’t go his way. This sudden violent temper often catches parents off guard. They need to take care of it. Otherwise, if such a young child has such a big temper, what will he do when he grows up? But how to manage it? He\’s so young and can\’t speak yet. Can he understand why he\’s being reasoned with? Before we talk about how to manage it, let’s first talk about why the child suddenly becomes angry? When a child reaches eight or nine months, close to one year old, it is the first time that his self-awareness sprouts. He suddenly begins to realize, \”I can crawl or walk. I no longer need to \’submit it\’, and I no longer need help from my parents. I can I’m patient.” As their self-awareness increases, they feel more and more that they are \”independent and free people\”, so they begin to have preferences and ideas of their own. However, the abilities of children at this stage are still limited, so they begin to realize the cruel reality of the gap between \”ability\” and \”willingness\”, \”I can\’t get everything I want\”, and then they will feel deep depression and powerlessness. There will be intense emotions such as crying and making trouble. We all hope that our children can have independent opinions and ideas, and the embryonic form of \”initiatives\” sprouts from ourselves again and again, in what we think are children\’s \”unreasonable troubles.\” Every time a child cries, they are actually fighting for their own interests and trying to express their own ideas. If we have such an understanding, it seems that we should be happy about our children\’s first \”tantrum\”. How to deal with the first \”tantrum\” in a child\’s life is particularly important. It provides parents with opportunities to learn and grow, and also sets the tone for setting rules with our children in the future. Generally speaking, the younger the child, the easier it seems to deal with such a tantrum. A little coaxing, a hug, and some milk can easily handle the child. But with such \”arbitrariness\”, neither parents nor children have grown up. Parents have not learned how to \”set rules gently but firmly\” from the beginning, they have not learned how to control their emotions, and they have not learned how to give their children solutions to problems. The child does not understand what his parents expect of him, what behaviors are desirable, and what the correct approach is. It seems that the problem is \”solved\”, but in fact it is \”covering up\” the problem. Both parties are confused, and then the problem slowly accumulates until it breaks out again in a more intense form at the age of 2 or 3. Often, at this time, the lack of Parents who exercise and study really have no power to resist anymore. This is what I wanted to share with you from the beginning. Take every problem that a child has for the first time seriously. The cost of trial and error at this time is relatively low. We can explore it with our children and form an effective method. There is nothing trivial about children, no matter how small it is, we take it seriously. This growth is confirmed by ourselves. Having said this, let’s share in detail how to strategically discipline naughty children under 1 year old. Step One: Control Your Emotions Every child is born with a blank slate, and their background is formed through every feedback we give them. They cried and we responded and he knew how to ask for help; They laughed, we laughed, and he knew it would make his parents happy. Such simple interactions allow children to slowly form their own understanding of the world. Naturally, how we deal with the child\’s first tantrum is very important. Don\’t put labels on children, let them understand from an early age that any emotion they have can be accepted, and that parents do not only love them when they are happy. This is particularly important for the formation of children\’s sense of security and is the cornerstone of the intimate relationship between children and their parents. \”Why is your child so bad-tempered? Why do you always yell?\” This is labeling. We confuse \”people\” and \”things\”. What we need to do is to state the facts rather than the person. Responding to the child, \”You are angry because you want this cup but can\’t get it\” helps the child understand that his needs are respected, that he is important, and that his parents understand him. During this process, we must also pay attention to the tone and intonation of our speech. We hope that children will understand what \”speaking gently and slowly\” means. The best education is for parents to show their children how we speak to them. A parent who yells at his children to speak softly, imagine how their children will listen to such requests. Children are the best imitators of their parents. Use your own actions to tell your children the good behavior you want to see. Step 2: Provide solutions. We can’t accompany our children for a lifetime, so I always remind myself that while I can still accompany little D, teach her more methods, not just solve the current problems. This is the future. Wealth that can last her a lifetime. This is the core of the second step. Many times we use the first step, the child calms down, and the parents think the effect is quite good, so they stop here. So, we found that the children always yelled and \”remained despite repeated admonitions.\” But actually, if you think about it carefully, we didn’t tell our children what the correct approach would be if we encounter a similar situation next time. Naturally, children who lack methods will instinctively use the method they are most familiar with the next time they encounter someone, yelling. This is not \”refractory\”, this is their lack of skills. (Think about it, the same is true for parents who can’t help but beat and scold their children. They also lack skills). Therefore, when the child calms down, we can teach the child some small methods. Children of this age may not be able to speak yet, but they have the desire to express themselves and can make some sounds and speak a little Martian language. We can tell the child, \”Baby, if you want a cup next time, you can show it to your mother with your finger, and you can tell her, Bei bei bei. You have to tell your mother, otherwise she won\’t know what you want.\” Depending on the child\’s mood, we can take the child to practice several times on the spot. We can point with our fingers and make a sound to express something. In this way, the child will begin to understand in a vague way. If necessary, we can use our fingers or speak with our mouth. And not just cry and yell. Going back to what was mentioned at the beginning of the article, children’s crying and yelling are caused by the powerlessness caused by the gap between their ability and willingness. These small methods are just to help children narrow this gap and make children truly feel powerful. This is the root cause. The essential.Step 3: Positive Reinforcement There is a saying in management science that only what is emphasized will be repeated, and the same is true for parenting. When we first implement the second step, we will find that the progress is very slow and the children always forget. But as long as we persist in doing it, we will gradually find that the children will express themselves after being reminded. After a while, this will really happen. I expressed my opinion, and since then, there have been less crying and fussing. This is the result of children\’s internalization. However, the learning curve of children under 1 year old is slower than what we adults expected. This also reminds us to insist on doing the right things and never give up earlier than the children. , the premise of waiting for the flowers to bloom requires our silent cultivation. Whether it is after a reminder or the child expresses this spontaneously, we must give feedback to the child very, very timely, give the cup to the child as soon as possible, squat down and look into the child\’s eyes carefully and say sincerely, \”Thank you.\” Baby, if you say this, mom will know what you want.\” There is an old saying, \”Children who cry get milk.\” Our serious positive reinforcement is to let children understand that they don\’t need to \”cry\” to attract their parents\’ attention. This seems very simple, but in life, it seems that many parents only really put down what they are doing and take their children seriously only when their children cry and make a fuss. In this way, the children will naturally develop an incorrect understanding. Only when I cry will the whole family care about me. Therefore, positive reinforcement is particularly important. Is this troublesome to do? It was particularly troublesome. Every time Little D cried, my first reaction was \”Don\’t cry, why are you crying?\” The trilogy I shared today completely went against my instinctive habits. Being a parent for the first time, I didn’t know how many times I questioned myself, is it really necessary to deal with such a little brat? Looking back now, I can tell you very firmly that it is really necessary. Speaking appropriately is a lifelong lesson that most of our parents did not learn, so we have never been treated gently since childhood, so we unconsciously follow the familiar patterns. Trouble shows that we are leaving our comfort zone and that we are growing. The difference is that when our kids are little and we\’re willing to go to the \”trouble,\” we earn those extra months over others. After these extra months of daily exercise, by the time the so-called \”terrible two years old, the terrible three years old\” arrives, we seem to have seen big winds and waves, and are unfazed by favors and humiliations. Because we are learning how to speak every day, because we are using the correct interaction model to tell our children what is right and what is wrong every day. Children will still be angry, but their expectations of us will become clearer and clearer, and the connection between children and us will become closer and closer, and they will naturally become more and more \”reasonable\”. To encourage all new mothers, suffering now is not really suffering. Slow now is fast in the future. Not looking for shortcuts is the fastest shortcut!