I have a good idea for every child who is afraid of losing

My classmate Tang Xiaoan is not outstanding in terms of looks and not top-notch in terms of academic qualifications. I don’t even hear how close she is to her boss, but she always gets the respect she deserves, and she has been promoted and paid more. The reason is that compared to other colleagues, she has an extra drive to not be afraid of losing. Once, a client accidentally said that he was currently busy discussing a cooperation project with someone. Xiao An lost no time in asking: Has the contract been signed? Is it possible for our company to do it? The other party said a little awkwardly: Sorry, we already have an interested company and the talks are almost complete. Most people would stop here, but Xiao An didn\’t. She wrote a plan overnight and sent it to others early the next morning. The customer looked at the plan and said a little embarrassedly: There are still some problems… Xiao An took over the words firmly: It doesn\’t matter, you just need to tell me what the problem is and I will correct it. It doesn\’t matter if we don\’t cooperate, at least I tried hard. In this way, Xiao An suddenly turned this impossible list into his bag. Xiao An told me: Her hard work today was largely influenced by a basketball game when she was a child. Because that basketball game completely changed her view of \”losing\”. She said: My hard work is not innate. Every child is afraid of losing. I was also particularly afraid of losing when I was a child. I am small and although I like to play basketball, I only dare to practice secretly by myself and never dare to participate in basketball games. Once, the school organized a basketball game and there were too few girls. I was forced to be a substitute and only played in the last few minutes of the game. Unexpectedly, I scored several points as soon as I came on the field, and my classmates were cheering for me. At that moment, I suddenly thought, I can obviously do it, why have I been so timid before? Isn\’t it because I\’m afraid of losing and being laughed at? But just because I was afraid of losing, all the efforts that might have made me better were stifled by myself from the beginning. At that moment I understood: There is nothing terrible about losing, but it is terrible to stop moving forward because you are afraid of losing. Xiao An is right: in fact, every child is afraid of losing. I still remember taking my girl out for an outing during the short holiday. In order to relieve the little guy\’s irritability during the traffic jam, he played cards with her in the back seat of the car. She was quite enthusiastic at first, but after losing twice, she gave up. His little face turned red with anger, and he said angrily: I don’t want to play with you anymore, you always win! (Please, how disrespectful I would be if I pretended to lose to you every time.) In \”Where Are We Going, Dad\”, there is a piggy race. Jimmy Lin\’s son Kimi did not dare to participate in the competition because he was afraid of losing. As a result, he kept crying. Another child Tiantian blamed his father bitterly because his piglet never moved. \”The piggy you chose does not match my personality. If I had known earlier, I should have changed to another piglet. Maybe I would have changed to another piglet.\” Then you won’t lose… For children, fear of losing is a normal mentality. As they grow up, their self-awareness gradually develops, and they will want to do something to prove that they have grown up. The more you want to prove yourself, the more you care about what others think of you. At this time, losing in their eyes becomes a very scary thing. They think that if they lose, it will be over. Everyone will laugh at me and look down on me. What else can I do?live! Adults think this idea is so childish, because we have already gone through that process, and when we look back, we naturally find it funny. When we were young, we were just as afraid of losing. I still remember that one year during the June 1st performance, I was assigned to perform a solo dance. The more I was afraid of making mistakes, the easier it was to make them. As I was dancing, I realized that I had put on my skirt inside out and the bow knot had gone behind my butt. It was a good thing I didn’t notice it. When I found out, I was so upset that I had to hold on for the rest of the dance. After the dance, I rushed home and lay on the bed crying. Thinking of everyone laughing at me, my whole life felt dark. After a long time, I carefully asked my classmates who were sitting in the front row watching the performance: Have you seen me wearing my skirt backwards when I was dancing? The classmate looked confused: Is your skirt inside out? Why did I not see it? … This is a child who is particularly eager to be recognized, and this desire magnifies the consequences of \”losing\” countless times, making \”losing\” that is not so scary become terrifying. So how can we make children who are afraid of losing not be afraid of losing? In fact, the answer is very simple: lose more. I got this insight from a story about a friend’s child. A friend said that when her son first learned chess, he was very afraid of competing with others because he would inevitably lose the game, and his son felt it would be embarrassing if he lost. But later I joined a chess club, which organized various competitions every once in a while, and competitions became a daily routine. Moreover, the club will also organize everyone to go to other schools, and students from four or five schools will gather together to compete. It is almost practice, competition, competition, practice. In one or two weeks, they lose more chess than the total number of losses before. In this way, there is nothing you can do if you are afraid of being embarrassed, and you are not given a chance to be afraid at all:) More importantly, her son gradually discovered that in fact, the classmates would not look down on those children who lost in the competition. On the contrary, if If you don\’t participate in any competition, you will be looked down upon. Just like that, losing became less scary in his mind. After some time, one day, my friend’s son came home and said sadly: I won the chess game today. My friend finds it strange that he is not happy after winning? Her son said: Because the most powerful boy is not here today, if he were here, I might not win everything. My friend suddenly felt that after this period of \”losing more\”, his son was not only less afraid of losing, but also had a deeper understanding of winning and losing. He began to realize that winning or losing is relative, not only related to your own ability, but also related to the ability of your opponent. No matter what, you can\’t always lose, because there will always be people who are not as skilled as you; similarly, no matter what, you can\’t always win, because you will always encounter opponents who are better and more powerful than you. Later, after his son lost a game, his friend took him across the street. Seeing that the green light on the sidewalk was about to turn red, the friend urged his son to hurry up. But the son said seriously: Mom, don’t you know, the loser can’t run away. My friend asked curiously: Why? The son said: Because as soon as I ran away, I forgot how I lost. I have to walk slowly and analyze carefully how I lost just now. My friend was happy. After understanding winning and losing, this child began to learn to accumulate experience and lessons from \”losing\”. studyAfter the term ended, her friend\’s son asked her to change clubs. The reason was that he always won in the current club, which was a bit boring, and he had to find a new club with rivals. Does this count as asking for \”loser\” on your own? It seems that the little guy has broken away from the concept of winning and losing and has begun to pursue the fun of playing chess itself. We can see that in the constant \”losing more\”, children go through three stages: The first stage – they get used to losing. After getting used to the competition mode and familiar with the result of losing, I found that it was not as bad as I thought, and I was no longer afraid. The second stage – you understand when you lose. In the process of winning and losing, understand that winning or losing is just a ranking for the current game, which will change according to changes in your own abilities and the abilities of your opponents. Winning or losing this time does not mean much to the outcome of the next game. The third stage – losing and transcending. After understanding the connotation of winning and losing, children are no longer trapped in the outcome of winning or losing, but begin to try to draw nourishment from \”losing\” and understand that there are more important things to obtain besides winning and losing. Of course, saying \”lose more\” doesn\’t mean letting children lose all the time. When adults encourage children to \”lose more\”, they should also note that the games in which children participate must have winners and losers, rather than losing all the time with a big gap. Such a loss can easily lead to excessive frustration and dampen a child\’s self-confidence and even interest. Attention: The key point of \”lose more\” is not \”lose\”, but \”more\”. Try more and participate more. When you have more, you will win and lose. Gradually, you won’t be arrogant when you win, and you won’t be afraid of losing. I still remember that when I was very young, I was particularly afraid of the grove in the backyard of my home every night before going to bed. I always feel like there are monsters hiding in the woods and they will emerge at night. My mother told me countless times: Don’t be afraid, there are no monsters in those woods. But I\’m still scared. Then, one night, my dad handed me a flashlight and asked me to explore the woods with him. We walked into the woods together. I was scared at first and held my father\’s hand tightly. Slowly, I discovered that the woods at night were not as scary as I thought. The moonlight shines on the branches, looking like a monster, but when I look closer, I find that it is just the gentle projection of the moonlight. If you listen carefully, you can also hear the singing of crickets. Where did the monsters come from in such a beautiful forest? Even if there is a monster living in it, it should be a good-natured little monster, right? After that night, I was no longer afraid of the woods and could sleep peacefully at night. I think \”Losing\” is like a little monster living in a child\’s heart. The more the child is afraid of it, the more ferocious its image becomes. If we bring the child close to it, the child will find that it is not as scary as imagined. Child, are you afraid of losing? Then lose a few more times! If you lose, if you lose, you won’t be afraid.