I have summarized two effective key points for my high school son to go from \”anxious suspension of school\” to \”quiet study\”. They are simple but very effective.

My son is a freshman in a key high school. After entering high school, he began to become tired of studying due to the high pressure of study. I didn’t even do my homework when I got home from school. I just thought about playing with my mobile phone. I didn’t start doing my homework until 7 or 8 pm. I was very angry and thought he was just lazy and unmotivated. So I intensified the discipline and supervision. When I saw that he didn\’t study hard, I immediately preached and even confiscated his mobile phone. After all, this is how he got through junior high school. Without my strict requirements, he would not be able to enter a key high school. As a result, not long after he entered school, my son started to get upset all the time and wanted to take leave. He said that he felt bored at school and could not listen to the lessons. I comforted him: \”We are in high school now, and every day is precious. Once you can\’t keep up with your classmates, you won\’t be able to keep up!\” I always thought he was pretending, but he kept saying this for almost a month. With suspicion, I took him for a check-up, but he turned out to be slightly anxious. I couldn\’t accept this result for a while. Before that, my child had been studying hard according to my requirements. He had many hobbies that he was good at, such as cycling, skateboarding, etc. He was also the squad leader in junior high school. But now, he has become tired of studying and anxious, and his grades have plummeted. After learning that he had mild anxiety, his son seemed to be relieved and relaxed completely about his own requirements: he no longer did homework, listened to classes depending on his mood, frequently asked for leave, never let go of his cell phone when he came home, and lost his temper every day at home. We had a small quarrel every three days and a big quarrel every five days. As long as I confiscate the phone, it\’s like stepping on his \”vital door\”, and it won\’t end without causing a scene. During that time, I really coaxed him \”lowly\” and tried my best to comfort him. I was cautious and cautious all day long. I also watched some family education courses, hoping to learn some tricks to help my children. However, the child has not changed at all. He does not take a bath or brush his teeth at home, has reverse day and night, eats irregularly and always eats takeout, and even has a tendency to want to drop out of school. Every day I worry about him saying \”I won\’t go to school.\” But I also know that now that he is anxious and emotionally unstable, even if he goes to school, he cannot study with peace of mind. 02 A friend suggested that I stop running around like a headless fly and should learn some systematic courses or get psychological counseling to stabilize my mind. Later, through constant comparison, I chose to sign up for Ma\’s \”High-end 1-on-1 VIP Therapy\”, and gradually realized the nature of the problem and why my son became like this. It seems that the difficulties faced by my son stem from academic pressure, but in fact, it reflects the high standards, strict requirements and excessive intervention in our family education. He internalizes our expectations and projections of him into self-motivation, forming a psychological state that does not allow himself to be ordinary and dare not be outstanding. Since elementary school, whether it is academic performance or hobbies, I have asked him to either do nothing or do his best if he does something. During the six years of primary school, my son spent his weekends busy with tutoring and interest classes, especially in junior high school. In order for him to be admitted to this key high school, there was a series of intensive arrangements every day in junior high school when he opened his eyes. However, in adolescence, children begin to transition to adults. Their bodies are close to adults, their intelligence develops rapidly, and they also long for independence psychologically. Children\’s sense of autonomy sprouts and they hope to be separated from their parents.control and take back their highest decision-making power. \”What I do is up to me.\” The opinions of anyone, including parents, are secondary or have only reference value. But I still stayed in the inertia of the past, used to arranging and directing, which made my son feel overwhelmed and suffered from anxiety. I asked the teacher: Why did my child\’s condition become more serious when I accommodated him and let him go completely? The teacher said that many parents start to obey and accept their children when their children are tired of studying, and they seem to understand their children all of a sudden. But in fact, children do not trust their parents psychologically. What should I do if I don’t believe it? He confirmed through some actions, such as playing games in black and white, and repeatedly tossing and turning, to prove that in addition to studying, his parents still loved him and he was still valuable. For a long time, children have believed that they are valuable only if they learn well. When academic performance is not good and the learning pressure is unbearable for children, they will think that they have lost their sense of value and that their parents\’ love and acceptance of them are fake. After understanding the ins and outs of my son\’s problem, I used the following two methods to pull my son out of the quagmire of being anxious and tired of studying. 031. Let go of the obsession with sending your children to school, and allow and accept their regression. To be honest, when I first started to treat my children\’s obedience and compromise, I had a subtext in my heart: \”My children should go back to school. This is the most important thing.\” If you don\’t go back for a day, I will be anxious and worried. Now that you are out of school, I am much better to you than before. I used to accuse you of criticizing you more and praising you less. Now I am not in control. I apologize and I treat you better. \”But why can\’t you understand your mother\’s heart? What future can you have if you don\’t go to school? Playing games at home will be ruined.\” Because the obsession in my heart has not been let go, every word and every action is directed towards the child. It sends an obvious message: I will be relieved when you go back to school. This caused the child\’s inner resistance and a series of regressive manifestations. Like a baby, he would eat when he wanted, sleep when he wanted, cry when he was not satisfied, and only focus on his own needs. In Mom\’s Psychology, I patiently listened to all the courses of Teacher Mowei and actively participated in the interactions. I understood: children\’s regression is not selfish, but a way of self-protection when the consumption is too serious! Later, when the child was lying down, I changed my thinking: the child is currently facing some challenges and pressure, and his inner strength and psychological energy are at a low ebb, and it is temporarily difficult to cope with it on his own. Choosing to stay at home may be to give yourself a chance to breathe and preserve the last bit of energy to avoid being completely knocked down by difficulties. All I can do is not force him to go to school, blame him, or raise expectations that he currently cannot meet. It is important to understand his needs in a way that is acceptable to him and not just based on the parents\’ good intentions. Provide him with a safe space where he can heal, wait for his mental energy to return, and gradually get back on his feet at his own pace. 2. Recognize the child more, express more affirmation to him, and help him find his inner sense of value. It takes a process for the child to regain his learning motivation, and it will not be changed by my will. Going to school is a child’s business, with initiative and decision-makingThe decision is in the hands of the child, and force is useless. I began to try to use a magnifying glass to find the points that the children deserved recognition for. The child grew up with his grandma when he was a child, so he respects her very much. Some time ago, he went back to his grandma\’s house to clean and cook a home-cooked dish, which tasted very good. I actively praise such small things: Mom saw you helping grandma clean the house, why are you so considerate? Today\’s food is also delicious, it seems that you have the potential to be a chef! The son smiled sheepishly: This is a small thing that should be done! In daily life, I use this kind of external recognition every day to strengthen my son\’s connection with the world around him, and at the same time, I also pass on confidence and energy to my son. Day after day, my son\’s mood becomes more and more stable. Through my positive feedback, he also realizes that he is affirmed and recognized by his parents and is loved! This autumn, my children finally stopped asking for leave frequently. They stayed at home and went to school step by step. Although the process is not smooth and may even be repetitive at times, I believe that every life grows towards the sun, and children are constantly improving their abilities in the spiral process. The painful process is also a process of growth. All I can do is accompany him in the process, allow him to stop and rest for a while when he is exhausted, allow him to recover at his own pace, and give him appropriate support and help when he needs it.