I used two psychological \”little tricks\” to finally awaken my son\’s ambition and his internal drive exploded.

I can honestly say that I am a very capable mother. On the one hand, it is because I am an advanced maternal age. When my son was born, I was already 35 years old, and I loved him very much. On the other hand, my husband and I have a family tradition that attaches great importance to education and puts children first in everything. Therefore, after my son went to school, I began to devote all my energy to him and train him wholeheartedly. My son is smart and well-behaved, and has good academic performance. Throughout the six years of primary school, he basically maintained a ranking in the top three in the class. Occasionally when my condition is not good and my performance drops, I will pay attention, pay attention, and pay attention again. Not only will he be asked to master the questions he got wrong repeatedly, but he will also be urged to consolidate his knowledge points. My son has known since he was a child that he must study hard. Under my strict control, my son has always been a highly praised \”primary school bully\”. Colleagues at work also told me that you have paid off and your efforts have not been in vain. Indeed, I spend too much time and energy for my son. I stay with him until the time he learns every day. I thought that after working hard for 6 years, I would lay a good foundation for my children. When he gets older, I will slowly let go and then relax. But I didn\’t expect that after entering junior high school, my son\’s changes caught me off guard. His grades got worse every time. In the final exam of the first semester of junior high school, his son ranked 31st in the class. Among them, he failed the math test! The moment I saw the results, my mind went blank. How could that bully in elementary school, whom everyone praised so much, sink to this level? But if you think about it carefully, everything is traceable. Since entering junior high school, my son\’s rebellious mood has become increasingly serious, and he is no longer as well-behaved and obedient as before. He often refuses to do the study tasks I assign. If I say one thing, he can answer three. When I went home in the evening, I adjusted my mood and wanted to find out the reasons for the regression with my son and see what to do next, so that we can provide more targeted tutoring during the holidays. But in the face of my inquiry, my son turned a deaf ear and stared at the phone with all his attention, saying that he would wait a moment. I really regret and feel angry. What I regret is that I thought he studied hard and went to junior high school far away from home, so I gave him a mobile phone. What makes me angry is that he completely betrayed my trust and hard work! Although I was angry, I didn\’t get angry immediately. I just sat next to him and waited for him. But time passed by, and he was still swiping his phone. My anger could no longer be suppressed. I reached out and grabbed the phone, and yelled: How come you still have fun after you have passed the exam like this? How much have I paid for you over the years? Do you ever care about me? If you pass the exam like this, who can you deserve? The son showed no sign of weakness, and his roaring voice almost lifted the ceiling: That\’s enough! Shut up! From childhood to adulthood, you have said these few words over and over again. I\’m tired of hearing this! You have been forcing me to study, and I must satisfy you. Am I living for you? You don’t live enough, don’t you? Then you can live for me! After shouting, my son rushed back to the room angrily and closed the door hard! That night, facing the closed door, I was speechless and could only swallow my grievances. In the days that followed, my son refused to communicate with me. The way he looked at me was like looking at an enemy, full of defensiveness and hostility. My entire energy seems to have been drained, and I feel like a zombie every day. I don\’t think soTong, I have devoted almost all my love and energy to my son, but he is tired of me and running away. I don’t dare to care about him anymore, because what he said last time makes me feel cold every time I think about it. 02 I am really confused: \”Why can\’t I get my son\’s good grades despite trying my best? Instead, he becomes tired of studying, rebellious, and full of hatred for me?\” Now I understand that external pressure cannot bring children independence. Motivation to learn. Only by awakening his inner motivation can he have a sense of responsibility for learning, take the initiative to learn, overcome laziness, and challenge difficulties, thereby achieving good academic results. \”Education is not about parents fighting against their children, but about awakening the child\’s inner fire and letting him fight against himself.\” This is the most labor-saving method, and it is also the source of energy for children to be proactive and not afraid of difficulties. I gradually realized how counterproductive my efforts in the past were. In the past, I always insisted on my own ideas and forced my son to work hard my way. I always ask him to study as much as possible, answer as many questions as possible, and reduce his leisure space. Although I tried my best to get him good grades in elementary school, he was always taking care of things. My over-management destroyed his inner motivation. When he reached junior high school and entered adolescence, he no longer wanted to be stared at and controlled, and his heart, which had been oppressed for a long time, began to fight back. In order to resist me, he would rather make himself \”waste\” and maintain his rights. At this point, what should I do to reverse this situation? Respect the psychological characteristics of adolescent children, first adjust your own education methods, learn to let go scientifically, and finally guide your children in a positive way. 031. Adjust the education method, be less reasonable and more empathic with the children. After studying, I realized that my education method in the past was a typical example of \”good intentions doing bad things\”. I hope my son will get better so much that I can’t wait to pass on all my decades of experience and knowledge to him. But I forgot that he is just a brand-new life of more than ten years. Some truths cannot be understood by hearing them and then internalized into their own understanding. What adolescent children need is not a parent who is always reasonable. Even if he knows that the truth is right, he will hate this kind of condescending preaching method. What they need more is parents who can understand their fears and tolerate their mistakes. That day, I was at work and suddenly received a call from my son. When he was having a fight with his classmates at school, he accidentally broke his classmates\’ heads. Although it was just a skin injury and nothing serious, and the parents of the other party also said that it is inevitable between children, I also took him to the hospital and spent thousands in examination fees and medical expenses. My son was very worried and said he was causing trouble for me. I didn\’t criticize or reason like I did in the past. Instead, I empathized with my son first: \”I understand your current mood very well. In fact, you don\’t have to blame yourself too much. Who can not make a mistake? I know you didn\’t mean it. Who would cause trouble for the family for no reason?\” Seeing how I understood and accepted him, my son began to reflect on his own mistakes: \”It would be better if I had some sense of control when I was having trouble with him.\” Then I started to give appropriate warnings. A few words of truth. In fact, I have said these principles before, and the children all understand them. It’s just that this time, my son listened very attentively. so,Many times, it\’s not that children are disobedient, but that before we reason, we need to give them some empathy. Only in this way can the relationship with the children be closer, the children will be willing to listen to what the parents say, and the children will have the opportunity to guide them correctly. 2. Discover the \”flame for good\” from the bottom of the child\’s heart and stimulate his inner motivation. In fact, every child is born willing to learn. Even if you look at the children who are tired of studying and no matter how unmotivated they are, there are two selves deep inside: one is diligent and the other is lazy. When lazy thoughts take over, children will become tired of learning and become passive. At this time, parents need to lend a helping hand and help their children think of ways and come up with ideas. Go into the heart of the child and support the diligent side in him to defeat the lazy side. Even if a child makes a mistake, when you criticize him, you have to go deep into his heart to find his other self, a self that does not want to make mistakes. My son regressed significantly after entering junior high school. I was very anxious and often scolded him. But these words not only had no effect, but also pushed him to the opposite side, and he was extremely resistant to my discipline. I no longer criticize him at will, nor am I as strict with him as I used to be. Instead, communicate with him and go to his mind to find another diligent version of himself. I told my son, in fact, you don’t want to fall behind. After you fail in the exam, you also want to study quickly and improve your grades. But the feeling of procrastination tells you that you should relax for a while at school and then study again when you go home. Anyway, your mother will be watching you when you get home, so there is no time to relax. When you get home, your mother\’s urging and nagging make you more rebellious. You just don\’t want to learn, so start again tomorrow. On the second day, it\’s the same cycle again. As time goes by, more and more knowledge points are missed, it becomes more and more difficult to improve your scores, and you become discouraged. My son\’s eyes lit up: \”Mom, I really have this mentality. How did you know?\” I told him that children who are tired of studying have this mentality. They originally wanted to be diligent, but they couldn\’t control their boredom and fear of difficulties. As a result, the more you avoid it, the bigger the gap becomes, and it’s not that easy no matter how hard you try. The son nodded: \”Mom, you are absolutely right. I also want to get good grades in the exam, but I just don\’t know what to do.\” I said, it\’s actually not that difficult. My mother asked for advice from a senior English teacher. Let’s try the cheats first. If you want to be top-notch in English, you cannot be satisfied with synchronous classes. For example, if you are in the first year of junior high school, your full score is 120, and you failed this time, do you want to get 110, or even better? Then you don’t just want to be a freshman in junior high school. What are you going to do? Second grade student. You need to raise your vocabulary to the level of the second or even third grade of junior high school, and your reading comprehension must also be improved. In this way, your grades will improve. If you continue to learn English in the first grade of junior high school, it will be a dimensionality reduction attack. The son nodded frequently and said proactively, \”Mom, buy me an English textbook for the second grade of junior high school. I\’ll do that this holiday!\” At this time, the child will feel that the parent is very kind, considerate and understanding of him, and is his assistant. After a holiday of hard work and a solid foundation in elementary school, my son really achieved the vocabulary and reading comprehension in the second grade of junior high school. In the test at the beginning of school, my son scored 116 points in English, which was a perfect counterattack! My son excitedly said to me: Mom, I found that when I improve my level,If you look at the low-level ones, they are as simple as playing. In fact, this is true for all subjects of study. After experiencing the fun of counterattack and mastering the methods, the little flame of improvement in my son\’s heart was completely awakened. There was no need for me to push or worry about my subsequent studies, and my son got to the top of the class again. It\’s just that this time the good results came not from my pressure, but from his initiative. Accompanying my son from being a top student to being tired of studying, I deeply realized that cultivating a child\’s enthusiasm for learning is more important than forcing him to study. I also hope that my sharing can give some inspiration to mothers, not to sacrifice everything but become the enemy of their children, and ultimately destroy their enthusiasm and life.