If a child gets into a fight, do parents want to \”help\”?

Last weekend, I took my nephew to the children\’s playground. The spring is warm, the warm breeze is pleasant, the children in the garden are running and playing, laughing loudly, and having a great time. However, when children play together for a long time, there will always be bumps and bumps. There was a boy who wanted to play on the slide, but there happened to be a little girl sitting at the entrance of the slide looking at the scenery and unwilling to move. The boy got angry and kicked her. The little girl was not polite. She stood up and turned around to scratch him. The scratch hurt his face and he burst into tears. Seeing this, his mother rushed over and scolded the little girl: \”How can you scratch a child casually? What should you do if you get scratched? How did your mother teach you!\” The girl\’s mother also showed no sign of weakness: \”It was your child who got hurt first. You\’re kicking someone! You\’ve been bullying girls since you were a child. How can you be so uneducated when you grow up?\” The two of them were at each other\’s throats, refusing to give in. The more they argued, the more fierce and angry they became, and then they started pushing and shoving. The two children stood aside, with their big, ignorant eyes open, at a loss as to what to do, and their faces full of confusion. In the end, the fathers of two children pulled their wives away to end the dispute. Parents often feel distressed when they see their children having conflicts with other children. After all, it is the flesh and blood of the pearl in our palm, and we are afraid that he will suffer a loss and be slightly injured in the dispute. However, the fact is that in the world of children, everything comes and goes quickly. Parents sometimes regard their children\’s minor conflicts as extremely serious matters and rush to stand up for them and comment on them. However, children themselves often don\’t take such things to heart. Braun, the German humor master, once created the comic strip \”Fathers and Sons\”, in which there is such a story: Two children got into trouble, got into an argument, and had a fight. They all felt that they had been wronged, so they went to their fathers to complain. Therefore, the two fathers were eager to protect their children and approached each other for comment. The two adults quarreled when they disagreed, and finally started fighting. After playing for a while, I looked back: Huh? The two children actually played together happily again, as if they had never quarreled. There is a saying that goes, \”The sky in June, the face of a baby, changes at will.\” It talks about the emotional characteristics of children, just like the rapidly changing weather in June. It is stormy and rainy for a while, but full of sunshine in the blink of an eye. Children are rich in emotions and their awareness of self-protection is gradually increasing. However, their ability to control emotions is not very perfect. So when they get angry with their friends, they will immediately start fighting, shouting, and not hiding their thoughts. However, at this time, their emotions are unstable and changeable. Even if they are angry, their emotions will rapidly develop from one end to the other. They were making a fuss just now, but soon they became friendly, lively and cheerful. They will not mind what happened just now and forget about it after crying. Therefore, we as parents need to understand that in many cases, conflicts between children are actually a natural expression of emotions, which are extremely easy to resolve. They may not be as serious as we think, so we do not need to worry too much about them in the first place. Top line. When conflicts arise, if we are eager to protect ourselves, we mayIt will have some bad effects on children. On the one hand, parents\’ intervention cannot exercise children\’s ability to solve problems on their own. The arbitrary intervention of adults seems to solve the problem quickly, but in fact, it deprives them of the opportunity to improve themselves and does not give them enough time and opportunities to learn negotiation, communication and courtesy from their peers. . When they encounter similar problems in the future, they will still have conflicts. Just like in Zweig\’s novel \”Fear\”, there is a father who is a member of the legal profession. His two children thought he was very good at reasoning, so every time they had a conflict, they \”told him all their disputes and complaints\” and let him decide who was right and who was wrong. The father really puts on an expert face and makes the decision. However, every time he makes a judgment about right and wrong, it only affects that one incident and has no long-term effect. Doing so only calms the superficial conflicts, but does not solve the problems existing between the children. Therefore, in later life, children are still hostile and jealous of each other, denying each other their own things to play with, destroying each other\’s toys, and privately being irritating and unwilling to give in to each other. On the other hand, parental intervention can make children psychologically vulnerable and encourage their sense of dependence. After forming a habit of relying on others, even if they are adults, they will still go to \”authoritative people\” to support them as soon as possible when encountering conflicts. This is not conducive to their spiritual maturity and personal growth. I worked as a part-time college counselor for a while. At that time, some students would come to me to complain, crying with tears in their eyes, and the cause turned out to be trivial things, such as someone taking her facial cleanser by mistake, someone forgetting to pay her back ten yuan… Later I found out that these children They have been spoiled since childhood. Since childhood, they have become accustomed to asking their parents for everything. As an adult, you may not be able to solve even the smallest problems you encounter outside. They will go to the counselor crying as soon as possible and ask the counselor to come forward for them to \”justice\” or \”repay the debt\”. If I hadn\’t met them personally, I wouldn\’t have been able to imagine that some people, even as adults, would still have the same ability to handle affairs independently. Therefore, when a child has a conflict with other children, parents should not hesitate to explain and rush to stand up for him. We should guide them to deal with and solve problems on their own, and let them think for themselves what is the best thing to do when encountering such a situation. I once saw a netizen post and told a story: A mother received a call from a school teacher saying that her son was fighting with classmates at school. She rushed to school and found her son had minor injuries on his face. The mother neither called her son useless nor criticized another child. She just asked her son if it hurt now, held him in her arms, and gave him warmth and nourishment with a calm hug. Wait until the child is emotionally stable before asking him what happened. So the son replied: Because another child insisted on playing with him, but he didn\’t want to play. The child provoked him again and again, which made him angry and hit the other person directly, so the two started fighting. My mother asked in a persuasive way: \”What happened?Whose fault do you think it is? After review and reflection, my son quickly understood that although the child was wrong, he also did something extreme. So, he took the initiative and said: \”Mom, I did something wrong. Although he provoked me, I should have a better way. I can tell him calmly that I don\’t want to play and tell him to go.\” Find someone else to play with.\” The mother asked: \”So, what do you want to do now?\” The son thought for a while and replied: \”I want to have a good talk with my classmate and make peace with him. I also want to say something to the teacher. I\’m sorry, because we shouldn\’t fight in school.\” \”Very good, we will do what you said.\” So, the matter was handled smoothly, and since then, the children have never had any similar disputes. There are several things that this parent does that we can learn from. 1. When children have conflicts, parents must have a calm attitude. Some parents may rush into the fight to support their children when they see their children getting into an argument with other children and getting injured. This may seem like a relief, but in fact it will strengthen the child\’s behavior and encourage his aggressive tendencies. When some parents see such a situation, they will accuse their children of being cowardly and incompetent, and scold them for not \”fighting back.\” Not only does this not help, but it will also hurt the child\’s self-esteem and make him feel that he cannot be understood and forgiven by his parents. At this time, we only need to accompany the child calmly, let him relieve and release his negative emotions, and let him feel the consideration from his family. Second, work with your children to analyze the root causes of conflicts. Your child\’s anger will not last long. When he has calmed down, he will listen to you patiently. The smart person, under your guidance, will understand the crux of the problem and understand that conflicts are often a matter between two people, and one slap cannot make a difference. The next time he encounters a similar situation, he may think and control himself instead of fighting with others immediately and rushing. Third, let children find their own solutions to problems. Throughout our lives, we will encounter various problems. It is impossible for parents to be by their side to protect their children when they encounter every problem. It is better to teach a man to fish than to teach him to fish. Instead of helping him resolve the conflict, it is better to accompany him to think about how to deal with it perfectly and comprehensively in interpersonal interactions, so that he can learn to take responsibility for and apologize for his impulses. As children grow up, fighting and fussing are inevitable. When something like this happens, as a parent, you should not rush to find a settled outcome for the conflict, but you should understand your child, stay with your child, and analyze the root cause of the conflict first. Then let the children find their own solutions to the problems. Things have already happened. Instead of treating it as a meaningless conflict, it is better to regard it as a useful experience and let it hone the child\’s mind and emotional intelligence. He will know how to turn conflicts into friendship and how to get along and coordinate with the people around him. Of course, everything has a degree. If the conflict between children is not an ordinary quarrel, but school bullying, or one of the parties to the conflict is prone to violence and harm, parents and teachers need to intervene in time to ensure the health of the children. grow smoothly.