If a child has these kinds of behaviors, it shows that he really lacks love, and his parents think he is very good.

Part1 The story of Kong Rong letting the pear grow is well known to all women and children in China. When Kong Rong was four years old, he knew that he was the younger brother, so he should take the smaller pear and give the larger one to his older brother. This story has always been used to show the traditional virtues of our Chinese nation of respecting the elderly and caring for the young, and has been passed down from word to mouth. First of all, I have some doubts about the authenticity of this story. I wonder if a four-year-old child is really so sensible? Is the moral level really that high? Secondly, even if this story is true, I don’t think it should have been praised by countless parents and teachers for thousands of years. A four-year-old child is just a child. He may be innocent, lively, or even selfish and willful, but he should not be mature or sensible because he has not reached that age yet and should not act like an adult. Mature as a person. As a person who studies psychology and family education, I really feel that this story will mislead parents a lot, making many parents think that a child\’s maturity, understanding, and high emotional intelligence seem to mean that the child is excellent. But on the contrary, if a child shows these characteristics at a very young age, it does not mean that he is excellent, but it means that he may be very lacking in love. Part 2 Specifically, if a child has these symptoms early on, it means that he is very lacking in love. The first is that the self-management ability is particularly strong. A child can already go to bed early and get up early every day, brush his teeth on time, wash his face on time, pack his own things, help his mother and father wash dishes, tidy up, tidy up his room, etc., even before he goes to kindergarten. The \”dream love child\” in the hearts of parents. In fact, for a child, he shows maturity and understanding prematurely, and these behavioral characteristics are beyond his age characteristics. Not to mention children, how many adults can be so obedient and obey the rules? Let’s think about it, under what circumstances would a person perform so well? It\’s usually when he feels insecure. For example, if you live at a relative\’s house, you may not sleep in, you may keep your room in order, etc. to avoid being criticized. If you are lazy, slovenly and not very hygienic at home. So if a child shows these very mature and sensible behaviors prematurely, it may be because he lacks a sense of security at home. He feels like he is in a relative\’s home, insecure, very vigilant, very careful, and always paying attention. Be as perfect as possible in your words and deeds to win the favor of your parents. All these show that he has a serious lack of security and belonging, and it is also a very typical manifestation of lack of love. He is really not outstanding. The second manifestation is that children are particularly good at observing words and colors, and are particularly discerning. I was probably such a child when I was a child. After eating, I would immediately help clear away the dishes and clean the house. I was very good at observing my parents\’ expressions. Because I don’t know when he might lose his temper, I can only watch my parents’ faces carefully at all times to please them, and I never dare to express or reveal my emotions easily. In addition, I am also very good at observing the expressions on my parents’ faces. For example, I will see if my parents are in a good mood when they come back from get off work. If they are in a good mood, then be more aggressive;When I\’m in a bad mood, I become very honest and rush to clean the room, tidy up the room, etc. This is how I\’m good at observing people\’s emotions. This is also a sign of insecurity. We say that when a person cannot predict his parents\’ behavior and is not sure how his parents will react, he can only try to guess what his parents may do through some clues, such as observing changes in his parents\’ expressions. The third manifestation is that the child is particularly motivated and very competitive. Many parents also think that their children are motivated and unwilling to lag behind. Some children always strive to get the best results when it comes to competition and competition. Sometimes they will be very unhappy even if they get second. They may even do anything to get first, or even break the rules, just to get a The most perfect result. There is also a student I have met who has very good grades, but still feels that he is not good enough; he is already among the top in the class, but still feels that he is not good enough. He is under a lot of pressure and cannot learn enough, so he is very anxious. . In the eyes of others, he is already very good, but he himself always feels dissatisfied. He feels that he is not good enough and wants to be better and better. This is actually like a bottomless pit, and you can never be perfect. The reason is actually that his parents may have an unlimited or implicit perfection requirement for him. Sometimes even if the child does well in the exam, the parents still say that it could be better. He does not have a very clear and definite standard. He just thinks that it can be better. This will make the child feel like there is a carrot hanging in front of him. I want to eat, but I can never eat it, so I keep working hard to get my parents\’ approval. This shows that parents are not really able to accept their children, and lack a sense of belonging and security in the family. He feels that only by doing better, only by performing perfectly, only by performing in line with parents\’ expectations, and constantly reaching higher standards, can he Let his parents accept him and let his parents love him. Part 3 These are actually the parents\’ inability to truly accept their children, resulting in their children lacking a sense of security, belonging, or love. In order for parents to truly give their children such a sense of belonging and security, the most important point is also relatively difficult to achieve. The point is to accept it unconditionally. Unconditional love and true love have no conditions attached and do not require repayment. What requires repayment, feedback and gratitude is not love. Many people hope that their children will be sensible, excellent, grateful, and filial to their parents. In fact, this is not love in nature, but an exchange. Psychologists make a distinction between love. One kind is those who hope to get something in return for their efforts. This is a \”need\” because they have not been satisfied yet, so they hope that the other party will reciprocate, such as friends helping each other; Reciprocation includes support, understanding, and respect. This is true love, and gratitude belongs to the first category. True love and unconditional love is caring and liking a person, and then wanting to do something for him from the bottom of his heart, wanting him to live a better life. Seeing him live well and be happy is already the greatest thing. I am satisfied. In the process, I also feel my own ability and value, and get a sense of spiritual satisfaction. I also need him to repay and be grateful to me.? Just like when we have a pet, I like it, care about it, and take care of it. Our love for it is a very happy thing in itself, and it does not require it to repay me. For another example, I see a child crying alone on the roadside. We will instinctively go over to comfort him, care for him, take care of him, and take him to find his parents. This process itself makes me feel very valuable and satisfying. There is no need for him to be grateful to me. This is unconditional love, true love. Conditional love will make children always lack love, always in a state of scarcity, and always very eager to be recognized and affirmed, while unconditional love will make children feel at ease and have no worries. \”When they are sure that they will always have someone to belong to, they will always have someone to belong to.\” Only when they have a safe haven will they move forward without hesitation.\”