If a child likes to play with \”bad kids\”, should he stop it or should he let it go?

Our backend often receives the following questions. Dear parents, you can also try to think about it. In the following situations, would you interfere with your children\’s friendship? Situation 1: My daughter is 5 years old and has a cheerful personality. She likes to make friends, and there is a kindergarten classmate who often comes to play with her, but that little girl is very willful and sensitive, crying whenever she disagrees with her. I\’m afraid that my daughter\’s personality will be affected, and I\’m also afraid that interfering with her making friends will affect her social skills. What should we do? Scenario 2: My son is in the third grade of elementary school and his grades are not improving. I hope he plays with good students more and learns their good habits. But his friends are all average students, and some of them have worse grades than him. When I was a kid, my parents often told me not to play with those with poor grades. I despised them at the time, but I didn\’t expect that I would become a snobbery now. I wonder if other parents have the same idea? Is there something wrong with me? Scenario 3: My son is in the second grade of junior high school this year and will soon be promoted to the third grade of junior high school when school starts. His grades have always been in the top ten of his grade. At this juncture, he became friends with the gangsters in society and secretly went out with them every weekend. After I discovered it last week, I confiscated my phone and asked him to reflect on it, but he had a big fight with me, saying that he was much happier playing with them than at home. He said it was his freedom to choose his friends and asked me not to meddle in other people\’s business. What if I don\’t care and he learns badly? As mentioned in the above stories, after children enter kindergarten, they have more and more needs to interact with others. They gradually become more familiar with the friends around them and establish their own circle of friends. In this regard, first of all, parents can rest assured that the desire to make friends indicates that the child\’s development is basically healthy, which lays the foundation for cooperating with others and adapting to society in the future. At the same time, many parents will find that their children like to imitate the behaviors of their peers, so they hope that they will be surrounded by \”good kids\” to help them obey the rules, be polite, and study hard. And if there are \”bad kids\” around your child, you worry that the good habits you have worked so hard to help him develop will be ruined under the influence of the \”bad kids\”. This feeling of worry about children is very understandable. But in fact, you will find that in the current social environment, no matter how hard you try to choose a school, a class, or even a friend for your child, your child will still know all kinds of people, maybe classmates, maybe friends Alumni who drop by may be netizens who met while playing games, or even strangers who shook WeChat. Not to mention whether the \”bad boy\” is really bad. Let’s think about a question: Can parents protect their children throughout their lives and help them shield themselves from negative influences? Let’s tell a story first. We all know that Antarctica is extremely cold, but the amazing thing is that the scientific expedition team members will not catch a cold because the temperature there is too low for bacteria and viruses to survive. However, when scientific expedition members return to their daily lives, they are more likely to get sick than ordinary people during the initial period of time. Because people stay in a sterile environment for a long time, their immunity is seriously reduced. In fact, the same is true for the protection of children. When a child is used to living in a pure environment, if he has to leave his parents one day, will it be more difficult for him to adapt to the real environment? What people fear most is often not the thing itself, but a lack of understanding of it. Instead of avoiding \”bad kids\”, it\’s better to first understand why children play with \”bad kids\”. For kindergarten children, behaviors that parents worry about during play are often not \”brought bad\”. At this time, the child is in the period of establishing habits and rules. When playing, he does something that seems out of the ordinary or has never been done before. Perhaps it is because the child is too excited and curious, so he forgets the rules, or has not yet established them in his mind. rule. For older children, choosing a friend is often based on their deepest needs. When I was the legendary \”other people\’s child\”, at every elementary school sports meeting, many parents came to chat with me and said, \”Play more with my XX.\” \”XX is a little stupid, please help him more. \”Do you have any good learning methods? Can you tell XX about it?\” I felt very embarrassed and thought to myself: Even if I am willing to play with XX, he is not willing to play with me. In fact, my best friend at the time was a recognized \”bad boy.\” Her parents are not around, and she lives with her grandma. She doesn’t like to go home every day, she is good at fighting, and she even encourages me to cheat on food and drink with her. The reason why I like her is because my parents are usually too strict. I see the freedom I have always longed for in her. The process of deceiving people with her is particularly exciting and allows me to experience the pleasure of rebellion. When we ask children why they want to play with \”bad boys\”, if we listen patiently, we will often find that the children actually see a certain shining point in the \”bad boys\”, so they unconsciously want to get closer, hoping that they can Have the same abilities. This is a learning process and the only way to perfect your personality while growing up. For example, a child with a sensitive and delicate nature was indoctrinated by her parents with the idea that \”only those who are sensible are liked by others\” while growing up. In order to win the love of her parents, she will show more strength and bravery, even when When I want to cry, I also tell myself in my heart: This is not good, please hold it back. When she meets a child who cries willfully, she may hit it off immediately because the child is showing a side of her that she is afraid to express. We sometimes see that a good girl is deceived by a scumbag, and the people who eat melons lament her misfortune and are angry at her, but the good girl still has no regrets. For example, Mu Nianci could have found a good man to marry, but she still fell in love with Yang Kang, a man with bad character. Perhaps Mu Nianci had longed to be a \”bad boy\” when she was a child, but her upright adoptive father would never allow it. So she grew up into a gentle and virtuous good girl, and the \”bad boy\” part of her heart was only Can be found in Yang Kang. We can temporarily prohibit children from playing with \”bad kids\”, but we cannot prevent them from pursuing inner integrity in their own way when possible. Instead of prohibiting it, why not think about what part of the child\’s nature has been suppressed, so that he has to look for the lost part of himself in the \”bad boy\”? Parents always ask: What should I do if I want my children not to play with \”bad kids\” but they just won\’t listen? In fact, there is an answer to this question – when the child is not severely depressed, \”bad children\”For the child, it loses its fatal attraction. Only then can the child listen to their parents’ analysis relatively rationally, which behaviors of their friends are dangerous, and gradually develop their own judgment. I once asked a person A friend who is a teacher: What should you do if you encounter \”bad kids\” who always make trouble in class? She said: I don\’t think there is such a species as \”bad kids\”. How bad can teenage children be? They just have personalities. They are not so obedient, or they are just trying to get attention in this way. Yes, \”bad boys\” are not that scary. Children like to play with \”bad boys\”, maybe because they give them support, encouragement and support that others have not given them. Warmth. The \”bad children\” in the words of parents often do not study well, have bad habits, or are rebellious, but the friendship in their hearts is no different from that of \”good children\”. The support they give their children is also the most valuable thing in their growth. wealth. When it comes to making friends with your children, parents might as well relax and see what their children get from this friendship. Maybe you will have a new perspective on whether your children can play with \”bad kids\” Finally, I would like to recommend a picture book, which may help children find an outlet to vent their emotions. In this book, what makes Feifei go berserk is the most common thing that children experience – robbing toys. Children can learn about their own How do violent emotions arise, what are the reactions, and how to deal with such emotions. [US] Molly Bian has won: Caldecott Silver Medal, Charlotte Zolotto Children\’s Book Gold Medal, Feifei is having fun ….. My sister snatched the toy gorilla away. “No! Feifei shouted. \”Give it to her!\” \”Mom said. \”No! \”It\’s her turn to play now, Feifei.\” \”My sister snatched the gorilla away… Feifei fell on the toy truck. Oh, Feifei has never been so angry! She kicked. She screamed. She wanted to tear the whole world to pieces. She roared, roared loudly. ! Red flames burst out of her mouth. Feifei is a volcano now and is about to erupt. When Feifei gets angry, really really angry…she will run out! (Bang!) She runs and runs and runs. Ah, she ran until she could run no more. Then she cried for a while. She looked at the stones, the trees, and the ferns. She heard the birds. She walked to an old beech tree. She came forward and climbed up. She felt the breeze caressing her hair. She looked at the undulating waves. Nature soothed her. Now, she felt much better. She climbed down from the tree and walked home. . It’s so warm in the house, and there’s a nice smell. Everyone in the family is happy to see her back. “I’m back,” Feifei said.