If a problem can be solved with a piece of paper, don’t yell at your children or your husband.

Every morning, after delivering the oranges to school, I go to work. It was still an hour before work time, and the office building was still quiet. This hour is my golden hour and I love writing something in such quiet moments. Write down what made me feel deeply the day before, write down what I was thinking, sort out my thoughts, and then put it down, and start a new day with a calm and light heart. When people reach middle age, fewer and fewer people can speak their true feelings without reservation. Most of the time, we show our bright side, and the inner struggles and pains may not even be fully understood by the people closest to us. However, emotions also have energy. This energy accumulates in the heart over the years, like a volcano that is ready to go off. One day, a small thing will become a trigger, and the consequences of long-suppressed will be to explode regardless of the consequences, causing injury. People hurt themselves, and everything is a mess. Many times, we can\’t help but lose our temper at our children, not just because of the children\’s problems, but because we have accumulated too many emotions, and weak children become our emotional breakthrough. When we are in a good mood, we may have more patience to face the same problem. When it comes to emotions, the more you control them, the more out of control you get, and the more you suppress them, the worse they get. If you suppress it for a long time, it will press into the body and subconscious mind, causing physical and psychological problems. Emotions can only be channeled, just like Dayu controlled the floods, it is better to channelize them than to block them. When it is seen and channeled, its potential energy is reduced, and its destructive power will be weakened a lot. We need an emotional tree hole, where we can pour out our inner hurts and pains, put down the burdened emotions, and move forward lightly. This tree hole can be as simple as a piece of paper, a pen, and a short period of quiet time. I remember one time, Cheng Zi\’s father\’s unintentional words touched my pain point. I knew clearly that he didn\’t mean it, but I still felt aggrieved and angry. I couldn\’t get out, so I wanted to have a fight with him. I held it in all night, and the next morning I started writing, writing about what he said, how I felt, how wronged I was, how angry I was, as if he was standing in front of me, and I told him everything I was thinking. He listens. As I write this, tears fall. I know it is because it brings back old wounds in my heart, so I will write about the hidden pain that has been accumulated for a long time. While wiping tears, I typed on the keyboard quickly and wrote thousands of words until I felt that there was nothing left to write and everything I wanted to say came out. I breathed a sigh of relief, calmed down my mood, and it was time to go to work. I started my day\’s work and did whatever I had to do. I left these little moods to the tree hole. The next morning, I read these words again, and I was a little surprised to find that I could no longer enter the resentful and angry emotional state of yesterday. It was as if I had come out of a heavy fog. When I looked back at the fog, I felt a little outside of it. It feels like today is not yesterday. Over the years, I have experienced more than once that emotions are like a fog. In the endless thick fog, I felt only a mass of darkness, bumping into walls everywhere. In desperation, they have no choice but to run wildly along the road at their feet, and the end of this road is often a cliff, leaving people covered with bruises and even broken into pieces. When the emotional fog lifted, I realized that the horizons were wide, the mountains and rivers were beautiful, and there were smooth roads to take.choose. Writing is to help yourself get out of the emotional fog. This kind of writing is different from writing a diary, which simply records what you have done. Instead, it focuses on recording your emotions and feelings, what you think, and writing down what you want to say on paper one by one. If you want to curse someone, write the curse words out. If you feel aggrieved, then write: I feel aggrieved, why is this happening? No one understands me, no one understands me… If you are very angry, then write: I am so angry! I\’m furious! I\’m so angry! … If you feel uncomfortable writing it once, then write it over and over again, even if it fills a piece of paper. This is a text written for yourself, just for yourself to read, don\’t worry about other people\’s evaluation, don\’t care about other people\’s opinions. Let your pen gallop freely on the vast grassland like a horse. Without thinking or embellishment, just write whatever is in your heart. Follow your thoughts and you will find where your emotions are accumulating. Just stay here for a while. See why there are such emotions and see what is behind the emotions. Look deeply and write in detail. Write it down and you will see it. Once you see it, you will be relieved a lot. After you have written a long article eloquently, don’t forget to write these few words at the end: In fact, what I want to say is – don’t underestimate these words, they are like a magic spell, they can help You see your inner self more clearly. For example, when you write angrily about the hardships of raising children alone and your accusations against your husband, the words are filled with exclamation marks of anger and grievance, and then you write: Actually, what I want to say is – often at this time, you I will stop writing and think about it. If you experience it carefully, something deep in your heart will emerge: Actually, what I want to say is, I am so tired, and I want my husband to give me a hug and say, thank you for your hard work. I am the mother of a child. I look strong, even powerful, but inside, I am also a child who needs to be loved… Only then will you realize that blaming and complaining are just a way for you to express your inner needs. Trying to exchange blame for understanding will only push your lover away and make things worse. What you need to do is to take off your strong disguise, put down your weapons of accusation, and directly tell him your inner desires. Even if the other person cannot give you the response you expect, you will now know what you need most. If others can\’t give it to you, then give it to yourself and love yourself more. After you finish writing, it is best to find a place where no one is around and read it out loud word for word. You will find that reading it out and writing it out feel different, and it is wonderful, as if you are telling yourself, telling yourself that you know your grievances, anger, hurt and pain. It’s also a form of catharsis and seeing. Be seen by yourself. You may not be able to help but shed tears during this process, feeling that your difficulties have finally been seen. Then cry out, this kind of crying has a healing effect. Write it out, read it out, cry out, and you will feel much lighter and clearer. I like this kind of free writing. I can write wherever I want with my hands. It is a way for me to channel my emotions and relax. The more I write, the more I find there are many benefits to writing like this. It will help you avoid falling into the same pit. Sometimes if you look through previous texts, you will find that the same questionThis question has appeared several times, which reminds you that this place is your pain point. You need to think carefully about how to deal with similar problems next time. You cannot always fall into a pit. I found that regarding the issues of confusion and anxiety, I wrote about it five years ago, three years ago, and last year, and the feelings are similar. Looking through these words, I found that I had to make changes, otherwise I would still write similar words five or ten years later. A few years ago, when I was planning to study psychology, I happened to look through the words written a few years ago, and I was surprised to find that I had already made this plan at that time. I would study any courses and buy any books. The ideas were almost the same, except that I got pregnant and gave birth to a child. When I procrastinate heavily, I gradually forget about this idea. Since similar thoughts appeared again and again, there was nothing to hesitate and procrastinate. I quickly started to sign up and began to study psychology systematically, thus entering a new world that made me excited and wonderful. Help yourself see more clearly that no matter how fast you write in your heart, you still need to write word by word, express the chaotic and entangled emotions in your mind word by word, and turn the chaotic state into linear output. This in itself is a process of sorting out the inner self and self-awareness. If you don\’t write it down, you may only feel that you are angry and wronged, and all kinds of indescribable emotions are mixed together, like a mess stuck in your heart, and you don\’t know how to deal with it. When you write down these emotions and feelings bit by bit and peel them off, you will see the origin and destination of the emotions, as well as your inherent thinking patterns. Help you escape from emotions. When you are in emotions, you will think that you are the emotion and the emotion is you. You will be driven by the emotion involuntarily and act impulsively. Writing is a process of separating your emotions from yourself, allowing you to jump out of the fog of emotions and look at it more objectively and calmly. When you write these emotions on paper, see them with your eyes, and read them out loud, it becomes something independent of you, like a water glass in front of you. You can analyze its composition, shape, and production. method. After jumping out of emotions, rationality returns, awareness returns, and impulses weaken. Having said so much, in fact, what I want to say is that instead of restraining yourself from getting angry, it is better to learn how to get along with your emotions and learn to love yourself. Writing is a way to nourish yourself. Write on a blank piece of paper, or use a keyboard, either way. Turn your emotions and feelings into Chinese characters, see them, read them out, and put them on the white paper instead of stagnating them in your heart. If you have no one to talk to, talk to yourself. If no one understands, then try embracing yourself. After you finish writing and put it down, you will find that your heart becomes stable and relaxed. In this state, you will be more tolerant and calm when facing your children, loved ones, and life.