If you are an emotionally unstable parent, you must read this article

Every outstanding child is inseparable from the example and guidance of his parents. Parents are the leaders of their children\’s life. Parenting is both an art and a science. Some things sound simple but are difficult for some parents. If parents often lose their temper, their children will also learn to lose their temper and use this method to solve problems. This kind of parent-child relationship is bound to affect the development of the child throughout his life. As parents, how can we move forward side by side with our children? Educationist Locke said: Educational mistakes are more serious than other mistakes. Children are flowers, parents are soil, and the future of children is in the hands of their parents. Indulging in out-of-control emotions will harm ourselves, and it will also harm our children’s hearts. There is nothing wrong with parental love itself, but if the method is wrong, it is easy to do things that harm children with the original intention of love. When raising children, parents must be careful not to fall into these four types of bad parent-child relationships, especially the second one. Doting type: over-satisfying children\’s needs. Today\’s children are so happy. Parents will give their children almost anything they want. Some parents will still satisfy even some unreasonable demands. Education expert Makarenko said: \”Giving everything to your children, sacrificing everything, even your own happiness, is the most terrible gift that parents can give their children. Some parents believe that educating children requires being rich. Just being rich in material terms Raising children and meeting their various requirements will only lead to children developing mismatched consumption concepts, and even raising children who are ungrateful. In fact, over-satisfying children is a kind of harm and causes parents to dig holes in their children\’s growth. . It is not uncommon for parents to beat, kick, or even threaten parents because they cannot meet their children\’s needs. For example, there was a news report last year: A 10-year-old boy in Henan just wanted to do something. Showing off in front of an online anchor, she easily tipped the anchor her 50,000 yuan for the funeral expenses of her recently deceased father. To make matters worse, this mother was also suffering from cancer. On the Wuhan Metro Line 2, a girl put her hands in her pockets, but her hands were empty. , the girl was traveling with her mother who was carrying large and small bags. The girl kicked her mother wildly, presumably because her mother took her to the wrong subway. An adult man in Shanghai asked his mother for 20,000 yuan to repay a bank loan. After the mother said she had no money, the man asked her to borrow money from relatives. When the mother refused, he directly beat her on the street. What is reflected in many social cases is the unhealthy effects of children being over-satisfied in their childhood. Psychologically. We often say that spoiling a child is like killing a child. In the end, it is the child who is spoiled, and it is himself who suffers the consequences, and the original harmonious parent-child relationship is destroyed in terms of material. Too much satisfaction is spoiling, and sooner or later, the child will be destroyed by his own hands. Suppressive type: Hitting and denying children In life, parents use the banner of \”for your own good\” to deny and belittle their children. Parents hope that their children will succeed and their daughters will succeed. In order for their children to achieve success, parents often adopt some educational methods that they think are correct, such as \”percussion education\”. Their original intention is to make their children modest.Some, better. But language is not only warm, but also powerful. Derogatory words will only make children feel bad about themselves. This is not education, but a blow, and will only cause endless harm to children. In the previous popular TV series \”In the Name of Family\”, Qi Mingyue in the center left a deep impression on me. Whenever I see her being rejected by her mother, it makes me feel extremely distressed. When she chose a dress she liked, her mother ridiculed her for having no vision. When she changed it to another color, her mother said she had no opinion. After working as a reporter, her mother despised her lack of organization as soon as she called home. Unstable; I saved up money to buy my first car and happily took my mother for a ride. Unexpectedly, my mother thought her car was too cheap and embarrassing. Over time, the proud and determined Mingyue disappeared and was replaced by a timid girl who felt that she could not do anything well, just as her mother said. Children who have been denied by their parents will eventually become what their parents say they are. Regarding the parent-child relationship, Gibran once said: \”Your children are not your children, they are children born out of the desire of life itself.\” Good education means respecting and trusting children, and letting go and guiding children. Instead of completely cutting off the child\’s own wings in the name of love, allowing the child to live bravely in the shadow of parental suppression. Psychologist William James once said: \”The deepest need of human nature is the desire to be appreciated and praised by others.\” No matter how old a child is, the most healing thing for them is always the approval from their parents! Children who live in the denial of their parents for a long time are often prone to low self-esteem, lack of assertiveness in doing things, and lack of motivation. Neglecting type: People often compare their children with others. This is common to everyone. Especially parents, when they get together, they always talk about \”other people\’s children.\” Looking at \”other people\’s children\” who are so good, and then looking at their own children playing in the mud, the feeling of hating that iron cannot become steel really breaks the old mother\’s heart. The more we talk, the easier it is to compare our children with \”other people\’s children.\” In this way, the children who originally grew up happily begin to be shrouded in the shadow of \”other people\’s children.\” Comparing one\’s own children with other people\’s children is originally intended to encourage children to make progress, so that they can have a comparison and a reference for progress. However, this kind of education method of praising others and belittling oneself is extremely harmful to children. Not only will it arouse the child\’s resentment, but it will also make the child feel that \”no matter how hard he works, he is not as good as others\” and simply muddle along, which will damage the child\’s self-confidence. On Zhihu, there is a question: How easy is it to destroy a child? One of the highly praised answers is that children should constantly compare themselves with other people’s children, so that children always live in the shadow of comparison. In fact, every child has his own unique shining points and strengths. Wise parents never force their children to do things against their own wishes. What parents have to do is to discover their children\’s strengths and inspire them. Authoritative type: yelling at children at every turn. In fact, most parents really love their children, but they often use verbal violence against their children inadvertently. Use the method of \”yelling\” to childrenAlthough educational guidance has a certain deterrent effect, it can achieve very fast educational results and help parents achieve their goals faster. For parents, yelling may only happen for a minute, but for children, the damage may last a lifetime. Dr. Montessori said: Every character defect is caused by some kind of wrong treatment experienced by children in early childhood. Psychology also believes that any mental illness can be traced back to childhood trauma. A casual word or action from a parent may leave a huge shadow in a child\’s heart, affecting the child\’s psychology and spirit throughout his life. When a child is yelled at, how will he feel about himself? Children who are yelled at are fragile and sensitive inside. When children are yelled at, they try to hide themselves because they are particularly afraid of their parents being angry. They ignore their own feelings and will not have normal contact with others when they grow up. Children who grow up being yelled at always feel that they are a supporting role in life. Not yelling or yelling is a practice for every parent. Because there is love, every word must be said well. Writer Chi Li wrote a passage to her children: \”My love for you is every breath, every smile, and every tear in my life. If God allows it, I will only love you more!\” The true love of parents, It is to accept children unconditionally. I hope that no matter what kind of child you have, you will tell him: No matter what you become, I love you.