If you ask like this, the child will be willing to say it! After a reporter applied interview skills to parent-child communication…

Many conversations between adults and children are always: \”Have you finished your homework?\” \”Have you practiced the piano?\” \”What was the score on today\’s test?\” In fact, this kind of situation can hardly be called a chat. It often ends with questions. It begins and ends with rebuke. Over time, children naturally become unwilling to communicate with their parents. How can we get children to reveal the truth? Let me introduce five techniques to you: Ask “little” questions rather than “old” questions. It is difficult for young children to understand abstract questions, so your questions must be specific, and it is best to ask details. For example, change \”How was your day at school today?\” to \”What classes did you take at school today?\” In this way, when the child talks about nature, music, and Chinese, you have the opportunity to ask: \”Oh! So what was taught in the science class today?\” \”Oh! What about the music class?\” In this way, you understand his status at school. When our children first go to school, our conversations usually start by asking questions about small things in life: \”What are the nutritious lunches (or snacks) for today?\” \”Who eats the most in your class? Who eats the slowest?\” Who did you go to school to play with this morning? What were you doing in your morning self-study? What were you drawing in the drawing class?\” \”Who is the most popular boy in your class? Who do you like?\” Because the questions are simple and specific, children There’s no pressure to answer, so the chat is easy to keep going. It is easier to start a conversation by talking about other people\’s affairs. \”Talk about others first\”. When my child first entered school, I once asked him: \”Who is the most naughty person in your class?\” He told me a name. \”What did he do to make the teacher angry?\” the child said in detail: \”He talked in class! And yesterday he threw something at his classmate\’s head!\” \”What should the teacher do?\” \”The teacher made him stand!\” \” How long should you stand?\” \”Stand until class is over! It\’s so miserable!\” \”Ah! Really! So pitiful. You can\’t even sit down, your feet must be very sore.\” \”Yeah, you can\’t go out to play even after class!\” \”Wow! ! Is your teacher so mean?\” \”It\’s okay! A little bit mean.\” \”Have you ever been bullied by a teacher?\” \”No! I\’m very good.\” \”Oh! What a risk! That\’s why you haven\’t been punished by the teacher. Are you passing the station?\” He hesitated. I quickly said: \”You were also punished to stand? How pitiful. Did you cry?\” He shook his head and said: \”No.\” I then asked: \”Ah! The teacher is so cruel, but you didn\’t even cry. You are very brave. .\” \”No! I wasn\’t punished by this teacher, I was punished by the physical fitness teacher.\” \”Oh! Is it also a speech?\” \”Yes. But fortunately, I was only punished by standing for a while!\” So, through this Through a conversation, I got a general idea of ​​his position in school, his views on the behavior of his classmates, and how he dealt with it. Don\’t \”negate\”, just \”empathize\”. Many adults always habitually deny their children\’s feelings when chatting with them. For example, when a child says: \”Nature class is boring as hell\”, I will never say: \”Nature class is not boring! Weather and meteorology are very interesting things…\” Believe me, as long as you say this , the child will immediately swallow back everything he wants to say. To get your child to talk more, you must keep your tone neutral and show understanding of how he or she feels.. So, I would continue to ask: \”Oh, nature class is boring, so you can tell me, what makes you bored?\” \”I originally thought that nature class could do experiments, watch alcohol lamps, etc., but it turned out that But I’m sitting in the classroom in class! It’s so boring!” By talking like this, you can know more about your child’s thoughts, understand his needs, and then help him solve his dilemma. A while ago, a mother told me that when her child complained to her: \”Ah! The homework is so difficult and there are so many! I can\’t even do well in the exam.\” She had obviously replied to him very gently: \”What does it matter if I don\’t do well in the exam? What does it matter about my grades? It’s not that important!”, but the son still said angrily that she didn’t understand him, and then refused to chat. In this case, what the child actually needs is the mother\’s understanding, not the denial of his emotions. If, instead, his mother said: \”Ah! You must be in a bad mood if you don\’t do well in the exam. You must be very sad now. Do you want to talk about your troubles?\” I believe her son\’s reaction will be very different. Just \”listen\”, don\’t \”preach\”. Do you remember the scene where women get together and talk about their three aunts and six wives? They scolded their mother-in-law and husband, and chatted animatedly, just to vent their dissatisfaction. Therefore, the chat should return to the chat itself, and the children should be \”listened\” more and less \”preached\”. Preaching is the most taboo thing during a chat. Ask more, comment less, say \”you\” more and \”I\” less, so that the chat can continue. for example. The child said: \”Mom, XXX hit me today.\” \”Oh, why?\” \”Because I want to play with dinosaurs and he doesn\’t allow me to play with them.\” \”Then what do you do?\” \”I\’ll go play something else.\” Why didn\’t you tell the teacher? Didn\’t I teach you that if someone bullies you, you should tell the teacher? You can also tell him that everyone can play with public things! Didn\’t mom tell you?\” Hearing this? In short, the child\’s reaction must be to tighten his lips and not want to say another word. At this moment, you might as well continue to ask: \”Oh, do you feel uncomfortable in your heart?\” Or, \”What should you do if you still want to play with dinosaurs?\” In this way, he will tell you his true thoughts. : \”It\’s okay! I think it doesn\’t matter if he plays first. After he finishes playing, I can play again!\”, or \”I was very angry! So I told him: \’I won\’t play with you. Got it!\’\” Therefore, if you want your children to feel free to speak your mind, you must practice \”not judging or preaching.\” Only by doing these two things will your child be willing to share with you. This kind of chat is relaxing and happy. When I volunteer as a tutor, I talk to at least one child for an hour every week. Many children were unwilling to leave the interview room in the end. This shows how much they are eager to chat, but they just lack people to chat with. Use body language to enhance intimacy. Appropriate body language can make your child feel that you value him and encourage him to continue talking. Usually when chatting with my child, I will look at him with parallel eyes. If the child is still small, I squat down; if it is an older child, I hold his hand and sit down. Children are very sensitive to body language. When I am busy collecting clothes and cooking without looking at him and talking, the child will definitely protest: \”Mom, you weren’t even listening attentively! \”In fact, most children like to have close contact: hold his hand, touch his head, hug his shoulders, rub the back of his neck, smooth his hair, pat his back, etc. These body languages ​​can significantly enhance the effect of the chat. In addition, the position where two people sit when chatting will also affect the effect of the conversation. For example, sitting on the same side as the child is better than sitting opposite; two people are lying on the floor and talking. , is better than sitting on the floor. Letting children draw on the blackboard and chat at the same time can make it easier for them to let go of their guard. In addition, when talking to young children, be careful not to laugh casually. No matter how childish or strange his words are, You have to be sincere and serious, otherwise the child will easily be unwilling to continue chatting because of being laughed at. My child recently likes to ask me to guess the seat numbers of the children in their class. I guess carefully every day, even though I already know it. Answer. In addition, he will often perform and sing, and I will be his loyal audience every time and show great interest in his performances. Finally, I would like to remind everyone that if the child says something that surprises or disgusts you, When something happens, remember to be \”calm\”. When the truth is not clear or you have not yet figured out a solution, you need to continue to listen like a friend. This is very important! \”Preaching\” or \”reasoning\” means chatting with Separate, only in this way can children speak freely and everything.