If you can\’t do these three things, don\’t take your children out to play.

Taking children out to play is not only a physical job, but also a technical job, and your mentality will collapse in minutes. The last time I took my child to a theme amusement park, he kept clamoring to ride the Ferris wheel. I waited in line under the scorching sun for 40 minutes and finally got there. As soon as he turned around, he said, \”I don\’t want to play anymore. I want to play with the racing car.\” I immediately I couldn\’t stand it anymore and yelled at him: \”Why didn\’t you tell me earlier if you didn\’t want to play? I waited in line for so long under the sun, don\’t you know how to understand my mother? You must play with the Ferris wheel, otherwise you won\’t even want to play with the racing car!\” The child is not happy. Jin became more and more repelled by the Ferris wheel; I was also angry and would no longer help him line up for racing. Such a wonderful parent-child outing ended with \”the child came home crying and I was in a terrible mood.\” When taking a child out to play, this situation seems to happen often: taking him to take a high-speed rail flight, but he runs around in public places; taking him to see the blue sea and sky, but he buries his head in the sand; taking him to see historical sites, but he says nothing. He shouted to go home; I took him to eat local delicacies, but he didn\’t even want to open his mouth; I felt \”not worth it\” and then \”got angry\”. Parents yell and children make noises. The Dragon Boat Festival holiday is coming, what should we do about this troublesome problem? Why do children always “face” us? Why do my children always have to fight against me? I used to be puzzled, until I saw a passage from Zeng Qifeng\’s Psychological Studio, and I suddenly realized: \”If parents always feel that their children are against them, maybe they have fallen into a \’thinking trap\’: treating \’quarrels\’ as A contest – when the war started, we had long forgotten the purpose of the quarrel and just wanted to win or lose. It seemed that we were educating the children, but in fact we were forcing them to admit defeat. \”Recalling the last time the child refused to play with the Ferris wheel, I thought. Conversation with children: \”I\’m usually so busy at work. Today I waited in line for 40 minutes under the bright sun. If you say you don\’t want to play, I won\’t play!\” \”Mom, I\’ve been waiting for too long for the Ferris wheel. I don\’t want to play anymore. The racing car is very hard.\” Cool, I want to play racing.\” \”Have you ever understood how hard it is for mom? I didn\’t do a lot of work today, so I came out to play with you.\” \”Mom, I didn\’t mean that…Mom, there are very few people queuing up for racing. , let’s go play!” “You just want to have fun! Did you listen carefully to what your mother said?” In my conversation with the child, I didn’t mean to solve the problem at all. Instead, I kept blaming the child and thinking Let my children understand my difficulty and apologize to me. Looking back at the reason for the quarrel, I discovered: the problem was really not that serious. It was just that I was lost in my own sense of losing control, so every small conflict would escalate into a major irreconcilable conflict. After many tears and arguments, I looked at the ceiling alone at night and asked myself three questions: What would I be afraid of if I gave up controlling my children? Why can’t I calm down when my child refutes? Are these little things really worth my perseverance? I found the child immediately and calmly told him the reason why I did this. The child also slowly spoke his mind, and an irreconcilable conflict was resolved. From now on, every time I have to quarrel, I silently give myself three reminders: This communication is to solve the problem, not to argue about right and wrong. this is a small problem, looking at it three years later is simply not worth mentioning. The more \”power\” you give up, the more love you can win from your children. Ideals are full, reality is skinny. Don’t have too high expectations when taking a baby out. Before taking a baby out, we should all have a beautiful fantasy: after finally taking a vacation, the children must have fun this time, make it worthwhile, and be able to Try to experience all the experience projects, otherwise you might as well stay at home! But after several exhausting explorations and attempts, I began to realize a painful lesson: we can force children to do anything, but we cannot force children to enjoy one thing. When taking your baby out, don’t have too high expectations. Make a thorough strategy before going out, and be prepared for the worst when you go out. How can things go smoothly without any problems when there are children around? When I lower my expectations, I find that I always find surprises every time I go out with my children. Last time I took my children to Yunnan, I wanted them to ride horses and experience the Ancient Tea Horse Road. But many children are afraid of horses. Where can I go riding a horse on a mountain road and lie down in an inn with the air conditioner on? Unexpectedly, the children were very interested when they heard it. At that time, I thought to myself: This kid must be interested for a while. He doesn’t know how hard the ancient trail is. It is common for him to stop going temporarily. I can’t be angry. Unexpectedly, from the moment the child got on the horse, he didn’t complain a word, let alone get emotional. He hummed and hummed as he was carried by the horse on the ancient road. He didn’t care if his instep was scratched by weeds. He looked around the ancient road with bright eyes. , feeling the long story from thousands of years ago… At that moment, I suddenly felt that the child had grown up. I remember when I was a child, I had to herd cattle before going to school, chop wood to make a fire and cook after school, and I didn’t have to be idle even during the holidays. I would go to the mountains to pick wild vegetables and cut down trees. Although the days were hard at that time, I was very happy. Perhaps the less restraints given to children, the more children can experience the purest happiness. The \”cost-effectiveness\” mentality is at play. You don\’t need to schedule a full itinerary. Experience is the most important thing. I believe everyone has this consensus: traveling for 7 days is simply harder than working overtime at work. It will take a few days to return to normal life. In fact, this is the problem with the \”cost-effectiveness\” mentality: after finally going out, you have to play wildly. But when we take our children out to play, don’t we just want them to be happy and gain knowledge? I remembered the mother of a Peking University graduate student I interviewed last year. Her children had perfect scores in essays since childhood. When asked what secrets she had, she said that in addition to letting her children read, she also likes to take her children to visit memorial sites, famous mountains and rivers, and historical sites. A city of meaning. Every high-quality trip is good material for writing. \”Low-quality tourism transfers the family\’s carnival from the place of residence to the tourist destination. High-quality training requires parents to accompany their children patiently and guide them to observe, experience, and record life.\” During the third grade of elementary school, she took her children to travel to Guangxi In the four \”important towns\” (Nanning, Beihai, Guilin, and Liuzhou), when traveling in Guilin, there was an activity to visit the Tea Ceremony Garden. She was not in a hurry to arrange the itinerary and let her children observe how others make tea. The child wrote \”Dancing Tea\” when he got home. He put what the tea master said: \”One brew of soup, two brews of tea, three brews and four brews are the essence, five brews and six brews are not bad either.\”In the composition, he also compared tea to the green underwater world, and the tea leaves were like a dancing girl in a green skirt. The article was written vividly, and even the teacher said that his composition was different. In fact, these materials all come from careful observation and perception of life. Imagine that this mother thought the activities at the Tea Ceremony Garden were boring and dragged her child to other attractions after just two glances. Could her child still be able to write this article? Children do not have time to experience and feel life, they cannot write good articles, and they will not become \”Beijing University graduate students\” later. Family education penetrates into every aspect of life, and there are traces to follow. The same is true for travel. The experience is deeply rooted in children\’s minds, which is the most worthwhile part of the investment. Children should be the main focus, but it is their business to interfere too much, and it is our business to accompany our children to go out and play. A story in teacher Yin Jianli\’s book \”A Good Mother is Better than a Good Teacher\” impressed me deeply: Her daughter was round. When Yuan was 2 years old, she and a relative took her to Tiananmen Square. When passing an overpass, Yuanyuan refused to take the steps and had to walk on the small concrete platform with fixed railings on both sides. It took them about ten minutes to cross the overpass that could have taken one minute. At that time, my relatives were extremely anxious and thought they would be late. Yin Jianli comforted her and said: \”We are just taking our children out to play. Why do we have to regard going to Tiananmen Square as meaningful and crossing the overpass as meaningless? Wherever the children play is not playing. Maybe in Yuanyuan In my eyes, the overpass is much more interesting than the square. Playing is the child’s business, while accompanying is our business. “This makes me feel a lot. When I think of myself who usually gets angry in everything, I suddenly feel like I am parenting. There is still a lot to learn on the road. As \”Leading a Snail for a Walk\” says, raising children is like taking a snail for a walk: God gave me a task and told me to lead a snail for a walk. I can\’t walk too fast, the snail has tried its best to crawl, always moving a little bit every time. I urged it, I bullied it, I scolded it, and the snail looked at me apologetically, as if to say: \”I have tried my best!\” I pulled it, I pulled it, I even wanted to kick it, and the snail was injured. , it was sweating, panting, and crawling forward… It\’s strange, why does God want me to take a snail for a walk? \”God! Why?\” There was silence in the sky. \”Alas! Maybe God went to catch the snail!\” Okay! Let go! Anyway, God doesn’t care, so why should I care? Let the snail crawl forward while I sulk behind. Huh? I smell the fragrance of flowers. It turns out there is a garden here. I felt the breeze blowing. It turned out that the wind at night was so gentle. Wait! I heard the chirping of birds, I heard the chirping of insects, and I saw how beautiful the stars in the sky were. Huh? Why didn’t you have these experiences before? I suddenly thought, maybe I made a mistake! It turns out that God asked the snail to lead me for a walk. Traveling with children is also traveling with snails. By slowing down the pace and calming down, we can see more beautiful scenery.