If you can\’t help but get angry at your children, it\’s not because you have poor self-control, but because you are too tired.

It\’s not that you have poor self-control but that you are too tired. A few days ago, I wrote in \”Why Are Children Disobedient?\” You will understand after reading these cartoons! \”The article talks about how to communicate with children. A mother left a message and said: When you are in a good mood, everything is good. When you are tired or in a bad mood, it seriously affects the quality of raising your baby… I have read a lot of parenting books and learned theoretically. A basket full of food can\’t resist the fatigue of body and soul… I really feel the same about this, especially after giving birth to my second child this year, I became more and more tired and often couldn\’t help but yell at Rooney. Every time I lose my temper, I blame myself: Why is my self-control so poor? Recently, I read the book \”Self-Control\” by Dr. Kelly McGonigal of Stanford University, and I realized that many mothers, like me, cannot control their temper with their children because they are really tired. When people are tired, their energy is very low, it is difficult to control themselves, and they may explode at the slightest trivial matter. Kelly said in \”Self-Control\” that self-control is a limited energy. Physical fatigue, stress, and low mood will cause self-control to be depleted faster. The human brain has limited energy. When the energy is insufficient, it will conserve resources and start to cut down on various energy expenditures. The first thing to be cut is self-control, because self-control consumes the most energy among brain activities. One item. When the brain does not have rational supervision, its response to things follows the \”effort-saving principle\”, whichever is simpler. As mothers, we are busy every day and are often in a state of fatigue and anxiety. The trivial matters of life consume the limited resources of our brains and make all kinds of emotional control in the brain ineffective. How tired are Chinese women? You have to admit that in today\’s Chinese society, it is really difficult to be a woman, especially a mother: first of all, you have to be beautiful! It doesn\’t matter if a man is ugly or fat. As long as he can stay clean and decent, everyone will be thankful. But women can\’t. If you don\’t dress up or put on makeup, you don\’t respect others. If you hang around children all day long, your body will be out of shape and you will become a yellow-faced woman. You also have to worry about being abandoned by a man, so no matter how busy you are, you must take time to pick out clothes, make facial masks, and exercise. Secondly, you have to be kind and considerate of your family. It’s definitely not enough to just clean yourself up, you have to keep your home in order as well. Laundry, cooking, mopping the floor, tidying up the room… If you don\’t do these basic housework, are you still a woman? According to relevant statistics, in 20.3% of Chinese families, women do all the housework; in 41.7% of families, women do most of the housework; only 22.4% of families can evenly divide housework between men and women; in families where men do most of the housework, Only 10.4%. Third, you better make money. In China, a full-time housewife has the most dangerous and least secure job. She works 24 hours a day, all year round. She is extremely tired and has no salary. She has to look at her husband’s face when asking for money. If she gets divorced, she will be plotted by her husband. No good, nothing will be gained. Therefore, if you don’t go out to work or earn some money part-time, you are literally walking a tightrope every minute, and you feel super insecure! A survey shows that in China, the female labor force participation rate reaches 70%! To what extent is this? What to know about French menThe labor force participation rate is only 62%! The female labor force participation rate in New Zealand is 60%, that of French women is 50%, that of American women is 58%, that of Japanese women is more than 30%, and that of Indian women is only 28%. …Compared with women all over the world, Chinese women are simply fighter jets among women, okay? The most important thing is that you have to be a good mother. When your child is young, you have to breastfeed and coax him to sleep and change diapers. When your child grows older, you have to play with him, read with him, do handicrafts with him, do homework with him, go to interest classes with him, and even go shopping and play sports with him. Mothers are everywhere in parent groups, school newsletters, parent meetings, and school activities. According to a survey, 91.1% of women in China bear half, most, or even all of the responsibilities for child care. A Chinese woman not only needs to be a good employee, a good wife, a good mother, a good daughter-in-law, and a good daughter, but she may also need to be a good chef, a good driver, a good financer, a good nanny, a good purchaser, a good psychological counselor, and a good masseur. , good trash can… Where is dad? Just check your phone, watch football games, and play games. The most irritating thing is that when you are exhausted and complain to your husband, he still says, \”Isn\’t it just to take care of a baby?\”; when you are tired of accompanying your child to various interest classes and are always worried about the future of your child, he also says \”Why did you sign up for so many classes? Didn\’t you ask for it?\”; When you accompany your child to do homework and you are so angry that you roar every day, he will also say \”Why do you like to lose your temper so much\”… It is simply impossible to communicate! Some people say that the main contradiction in today\’s families is the contradiction between women\’s growing spiritual needs and men\’s performance of standing still. While women have evolved into omnipotent super warriors, men’s thinking still remains on our fathers’ generation. Physical fatigue, too many things to consider, high pressure, and not being understood have become the melody of women\’s daily lives. These will consume the limited resources of our brains and make all kinds of emotional control of the brain ineffective. In this case, the brain will automatically choose the least laborious and roughest way to deal with it-getting angry. So, when you see your wife changing from being gentle and considerate when you were in love to being unreasonable when you become a mother, dads, please understand, it’s not that we like to lose our temper, but that we are really too tired! After losing our temper, we will feel guilty, reflect, and then secretly make up our minds: we must control ourselves in the future and not lose our temper randomly. However, the same thing happens tomorrow. Some time ago, reading jokes were flying all over the place, arousing the resonance of many mothers. One mother said: \”Every day during the day is my confession time. The emotional process from leaving school in the afternoon to going to bed at night is: greeting happily – soft, thick and fine The guidance of the language – the gradually disappearing good mood – the threats with guns and sticks – the shouts of indiscriminate bombing – the appearance of weapons and equipment – everyone\’s eyes were red when they went to bed. The next day the cycle…\” How to Improve Self-Control When it comes to this, I believe every mother feels this deeply. How can she remain gentle and firm when she is so tired? Fortunately, Kelly tells us that self-control, like a muscle, can be made stronger through exercise. Just like running, running 800 meters feels very tiring at first, but as long as you keep running more every day, it will become easier and easier later on.. The most important tip is to focus. So how to do it? Using the methods in the book and combining them with my experience, I would like to provide you with the following suggestions: 1. Meditation and adequate rest are very important for brain recovery. However, most mothers have endless worries and endless things to do every day. Sleeping is a luxury for us. Apart from sleeping, what other ways can we give our brains a rest? The best way is to meditate. Someone once said that 5 minutes of meditation is equivalent to an hour of deep sleep. The technique of meditation is to focus on your breathing. Sit quietly in a chair, close your eyes, and concentrate on feeling it. At first, your mind will be filled with all kinds of thoughts. Ignore them and return your attention to your breathing. Slowly, your mind will calm down, and when you open your eyes again, your brain will feel refreshed. If we take the time to meditate for 5-10 minutes every day, we will be full of energy, emotionally stable, and naturally less likely to lose our temper. 2. Self-awareness and reflection Practicing meditation not only allows my brain to rest, but also improves my awareness. Once you find yourself in a bad mood, you will realize it immediately, and then you will stop and deeply understand the reasons behind it, so you can better control yourself. I found that many times when we get angry with our children, it is not because there is something wrong with the children, but because our emotions are stagnant in our hearts, like a powder bank that explodes when we encounter a spark. When we deal with our own emotions, our children\’s problems will naturally be solved. 3. Develop a stress-reducing hobby. Psychological research shows that the best ways to relieve stress are: exercising, reading, listening to music, meditating or doing yoga, walking, singing, and a creative hobby-writing. Ineffective ways to reduce stress include: gambling, shopping, smoking, drinking, overeating, playing games, surfing the Internet, and spending more than two hours watching TV or movies. For a period of time, in order to escape the pressure of life, I was addicted to checking my mobile phone and shopping online. Later, I found that my body was getting more and more tired, and my mind was getting empty and anxious, so I started running and working out. Exercise makes me feel better all day long. Feeling refreshed, I had the energy to start reading and writing again. Reading allows me to escape from trivial family matters, while writing helps me further experience life and become aware of myself. The above are some good ways to improve self-control, but even if we do these, we may still lose our temper. What if we accidentally lose our temper again? Instead of feeling guilty and self-blaming, it is better to speak out your feelings loudly and tell your children, \”I am really angry now\”, so that your children can see your true self instead of a mother who suppresses her emotions and pretends to be gentle. Besides, must a mother not lose her temper with her child? Of course not, we are just ordinary people. Even some experts and scholars who study education often cannot control themselves in front of children. When you make a mistake, the best way is to laugh it off, then move on, continue to better enrich yourself, and have the courage to accept your imperfections without feeling guilty afterwards. That is an unaffordable \”luxury\”. Frankly admit: \”Yes, I yelled at him. I know that this way is useless in educating him, but at least now IFeel better. Now, I am able to pick up the pieces and find a way to move forward. \”Finally, don\’t forget to apologize to your children and tell them that it\’s not your fault that your mother is angry, but because she is too tired. In fact, your mother will always love you. In this way, your children will not be affected by your emotions.