If you continue like this, your child\’s future will be a replica of you

\”I\’m six years old and you still beat me. How old are you going to beat me?\”; \”If you say something and I don\’t listen, you have to say it properly. You can\’t hit anyone.\”; \”Those words Is it hard to accept it? But you have to accept it too.\” A video of a 6-year-old girl \”educating\” her mother while crying has become popular on the Internet recently. This girl is called Daidai. The video of Daidai lecturing his mother for being beaten became popular because, firstly, the video allowed many people to see what he wanted to say after being beaten as a child; secondly, because Daidai who said this has gone far beyond The knowledge and experience a 6-year-old child should have. This forces us as parents to take a good look at today\’s children and reflect on how to get along with them so that we can fulfill our responsibilities as parents and make them feel convinced when we educate our children without losing our own identity. When I was young, most parents seemed to believe that when their children made mistakes or were disobedient, they should be beaten or scolded. A filial son emerges from a stick, which became their golden rule when educating their children. Usually, children are also afraid of being beaten by their parents, and as soon as they get angry or pick up a stick, we will become obedient instantly. This is how I was trained to be a good child. When I was a child, I was very outgoing and naughty like a boy. My dad felt that my madness would be ineffective if I didn’t fight him. So, every time I didn’t follow his wishes, I would be punished by kneeling on the ground. Or stick punishment. After a while, I really changed from a \”little bad guy\” to a quiet, polite and good boy. Because of this, I quickly became a role model for other children in the yard, and parents were even more happy for their children to play with me, because they said that my father \”teaches his daughters well.\” For this reason, my father is very proud, and this \”good recipe\” for education that makes my father very proud is nothing more than what he said. Before I was ten years old, my character had not yet been finalized, and if I was given a stick, I would quickly learn \” Learn the rules. I stopped being beaten after I was ten years old. Now, I have grown into a standard social person. But the experience of being beaten as a child has sneaked into my heart and affected some of my moods and emotions to a great extent. For example, during my childhood, I always believed that as long as I became better and more well-behaved, my dad would stop beating me, so I always tried my best to please him. This desire to please continued to influence me throughout my adult life, leading me to experience some very unhealthy relationships. In addition, when I was a child at my dad\’s house, I couldn\’t go against his wishes at all, otherwise I would be scolded and punished. When I was in college, I found that I gradually developed a similar tendency when getting along with others. For example, on certain issues, if my opinions are not adopted by the other party, my emotions will become difficult to control, and I will have to rely on some violent methods, such as throwing faces, swearing, etc. to express my vent, instead of calming down and using patience. Communicate well with each other. I have always sworn that I would never be a parent like my dad. Before I had children, I never realized how difficult it was to break this vicious cycle of violent parenting. Until one day I became a mother. Whenever I felt physically and mentally exhausted, if my child was still acting up, crying, or being unruly in front of others, I would pick up a craft ruler and slap him all over the face.. One time, I guess I was too harsh, so she bit me back and I stopped. After I calmed down and thought about this incident, I was actually frightened by myself – I still became the character of my dad that I hated at the beginning. Yes, violent education can form a cycle. My grandfather beats my dad, my dad beats me, and I beat my daughter. The tricks I learned unconsciously from my dad have taken root in my body. Although I have been wary of it for a long time, in fact, I am still the same as my dad. When provoked by children and unable to control my emotions, I want to Hands on children. There is a saying: \”If you have been treated gently by this world, it will be difficult to let it down with viciousness.\” In fact, I never want my daughter to be afraid of me, I want her to know that I am not only someone who can protect her , or her friend. I hope she can feel more of the love I have for her, and through my love, she can also feel the tenderness and beauty of this world. Every time I get together with a group of moms, we talk about how to achieve this through \”reasoning\” rather than threats of violence. Although every time, there will still be some people who say: \”You have to be beaten. I have been beaten by my parents since I was a child. Don\’t you think it\’s better now?\” For this reason, I also hesitated, but Qiong\’s sharing still made me happy. I see hope. Joan talked about the time when she was a child and wanted to buy ice cream when she was shopping. Her mother refused to buy it and told her the reasons why she didn\’t buy it. Joan still didn\’t give up, so she sat on the ground and played and cried, passing by on the street. There were a lot of people, but her mother completely ignored her and was very calm, with the attitude of \”You can cry if you want, make a fuss if you want, and I won\’t buy it for you no matter what.\” He waited until Qiong was tired of the trouble and could no longer make trouble, and finally she was willing to get up and follow. This happened many times, and since then, Joan has learned that no matter how much trouble she makes, it\’s not feasible. As a parent, do you think it is unethical to let your children cry in public? But when a child is acting up, she is just trying every possible means to test your bottom line and see how you will give in to her reaction. In this case, it will be worse if you compromise, because once the child wins this confrontation, he will easily accept some wrong ideas, and it will be much harder for you to correct him in the future. Moreover, this will also expose your weakness. Whatever he wants in the future, all he needs to do is make trouble. Growing up, the \”reasonable\” atmosphere in Qiong\’s family was formed in this way. \”Once she makes a mistake, her parents will point out why it is wrong → She can appeal and tell the reasons why she feels she is right → Her parents will continue to teach her and give her time to reflect. , until she knew where she was wrong → Together they discussed how to make up for the mistake and put it into action.\” In this process, if Joan stays at any point and is unwilling to continue, then it is her willfulness. At this time, no matter how willful she is, her parents will not show their temper and use violence to force her to surrender, but will only be gentle and patient. She had to wait until she returned to the \”right path\”, so Xiao Qiong had already figured out the fact that only by following this set of rules would she find the most effective solution. Of course, this \”reasonable\” mechanism has a major premise, that is, if the parents did something wrong, Joan was allowed toTell your own opinion. If what she says is reasonable, the parents will take the initiative to admit their mistakes and apologize, and then set an example in front of their children and take actions to make up for it. In this way, if everyone from children to parents abides by this rule without fail, then a \”reasonable\” family atmosphere will be fundamentally built, which invisibly restricts the behavior of every family member. In fact, as long as parents can put down their airs and communicate with their children on an equal footing, then they can succeed in raising their children well by reasoning. The day before yesterday, after watching Daidai\’s video, a colleague said that one time, her daughter refused to go to an interest class. No matter how she was persuaded, she raised her hand. At that moment, she stopped because she remembered a person. Scene: A few years later, her daughter complained to her colleagues at work, saying that my mother was angry again today and refused to eat eggs and porridge. She insisted that I go across half the city to go to a time-honored store to buy soy milk and fried dough sticks for her. I was trying to reason with her. Playing the piano to a cow… Then her colleague gave her a trick: just beat her up. I also don’t want to be a mother like that one day. In order to prevent that day from happening, I have to make sure that this vicious cycle ends for me today. It is said that when parents educate their children, they are also cultivating themselves. In fact, what we need to do is not to regret after wrongly paying true love to our children, or to realize after raising our hands to beat and scold them, but to work tirelessly to cultivate ourselves and polish ourselves into a self that is emotionally stable and rational. Only in this way, no matter how insurmountable the obstacles your children throw at you, you can listen to your heart, start from love, educate your children, and advance or retreat as you please. When it comes to education, if you cultivate yourself well, you will win.