If you don\’t give love and respect, why should your children listen to you?

When Xiaowei was still young, Riyao Jun discussed with me seriously: \”The child must have someone to be afraid of, so that he can be easily disciplined. Let\’s do this. From now on, you will play the red face and I will play the bad face, both of us.\” In conjunction with education. Therefore, Riyaojun\’s usual sentence pattern for educating children is often: \”Yang Xiaowei, let me tell you, you can\’t…did you hear…\” But how can a child with such a stubborn temper and strong personality like Xiaowei be willing to Either Xiaowei is playing attentively and turns a deaf ear; or, before his father can criticize, Xiaowei rushes over like a cannonball and pushes him hard to express his dissatisfaction. Ri Yaojun will say sadly: \”Hey , the children are not obedient at all and have been spoiled by you. \”Hey, are there any? Why do I think Xiao Wei is so obedient? Xiao Wei is the kind of child who is born with many needs and a strong personality. He will keep asking for whatever he wants since he was a child and insist on it until he is satisfied. If he disagrees, he will give up. I burst out crying in the buffer zone. But even so, I never felt that Xiaowei was \”disobedient\”. When he was about two years old, I was mentally prepared for \”Terrible 2\”, but in the end, I don\’t know How could we spend this period harmoniously and happily? Now, Xiaowei, who is more than three years old, is more sensible and obedient. I was even worried that the child would lose his own opinion if he was too obedient. When Xiaowei said, \”I listen to my mother the most\” to please When I was there, I had to solemnly explain to him: \”Listen when mom is right. If you feel mom is wrong, we can discuss it.\” \”Why in the end, Riyaojun failed to play the bad guy, but I, who had always been the red face, established authority and won the respect of the children? So I summarized my successful experience, hoping to make Riyaojun I am convinced that I lost. If you are not close to your child, why should your child listen to you? In our family, the order of people who make Xiaowei obedient is: me, grandma, dad, and grandpa. This is not surprising at all. Because grandma and I Spend the most time and energy on your children, and also respect and understand them to the greatest extent. Many people think that being good to your children means doting or pampering them, which will make them lawless. In fact, this is not the case. Children may be small in stature, but they have personality and soul. Not small at all; the child is naive, but at the same time very sensitive and intelligent. The child cannot decide whether you are condescending and do whatever you want to him, or whether you are equal, respectful and kind to him, but he will use actions to express his rejection or closeness to you. You have to pass Instilling many details of life and many beautiful words can make your child convinced that you love him wholeheartedly and unconditionally. Only then will he be willing to communicate and interact positively with you without reservation, and only then will your child listen to what you say. In this regard, Because the mother has put in the hard work of breastfeeding, coaxing to sleep, etc., she has an innate advantage. Therefore, a common situation in many families is: the child loves the mother more, and the father retreats and becomes a symbol. However, this does not mean that the father has no chance to turn around, as long as Create more opportunities to get along with your children and show care in other ways, and the children will accept and like their father. The closeness between you and your children directly determines the weight of your words. If you don\’t respect your children, why should your children respect you? You? Respect does not need to be reflected in grand ceremonies. The ordinary little details in life are enough. Reply toHome, my emotional switch was adjusted the moment I opened the door. When Xiaowei rushes over, I will give him a big hug. When Xiaowei talks about his day\’s experience, I will listen carefully with interest. When Xiaowei wants to play fighting monsters, I can enter the character and perform various performances in one second. monster. Even if I am busy, when Xiaowei talks to me, I try to respond first. This is respecting the child’s expectation of mother’s love. Where is Mr. Riyao? In fact, he is a pretty good father, and the Gu family is progressive, but sometimes he does not know how to respond positively to his children. For example, when he is thinking about work, and Xiaowei happily goes to show him a new toy, he may give him a simple \”Oh, okay.\” It was a momentary silence, okay? When Xiaowei was mumbling words to himself and playing, or when Xiaowei was watching cartoons, I tried my best not to disturb him. This is about respecting your child’s right to enjoy their own space. And when Xiaowei is immersed in playing, Riyaojun will make a mistake when he gets interested, and forcefully hug him and kiss him regardless. I have told Riyao Jun many times: \”Even if you are a biological father, you must respect your child. You are not playing with the child, but making him angry. It is strange that the child can like you.\” And some things really cannot be done. When I allow my child to do it, I will explain the reason clearly to him: \”Two episodes of cartoons a day, the eyes can bear it; if you watch too much, your eyes will be tired and you will become short-sighted, then we have to wear glasses.\” This is respect. Children’s ability to jointly control principles. Regarding principles and rules, I think many macho men have the illusion that they have to be stern, or even use fists and kicks to get their children to cooperate and obey. Xiaowei\’s little friend Xiaobo has such a father. For example, once Xiaobo was about to reach out and touch a puppy out of curiosity. His father glared and shouted: \”Why are you touching it?!\” Xiaobo\’s hand was immediately thrown away as if he was electrocuted, and he shrank his neck and hid aside. . This is probably the \”majesty\” that many fathers are proud of. But I think this is a stupid way to treat the symptoms rather than the root cause: the child doesn’t know why it’s not possible, he only knows that you are fierce and scary, and then he will avoid you in whatever you do next time, and he still doesn’t understand anything when you can’t see him. It\’s principles and boundaries. When such children grow up, they have the power of resistance and can easily suppress their parents simply and roughly. If you haven\’t taught your child the lesson of respect, why should you ask him to respect you from the bottom of his heart? If you don\’t satisfy your child\’s needs, why should your child satisfy your need for authority? As mentioned before, Xiaowei is a child with many needs. Fortunately, I am a responsive mother. As long as it\’s not too much and I can satisfy him, I will satisfy him generously. When Xiaowei fell in love with Thomas, I had time to collect Thomas-related toys, books, toothpaste, toothbrushes, spoons, chopsticks and other peripheral products. He even took Xiaowei to Thomas Paradise in Tokyo to fulfill his dream of chasing stars. Later, Xiaowei gradually fell in love with Peppa Pig, Cars, Planes, Titan Strike Team, Undersea Column… Yes, this is how I became a moonlight tribe. Xiaowei likes to eat lollipops, and I will buy large cans of imported pure fruit juice candies; he likes to eat ice cream, and in summer it is basically aThe rhythm of the day is the same; if he likes pizza, I will order Pizza Hut takeout once a week to satisfy him; if he likes watching animation, let him watch two episodes a day… Many people worry that this is indulgence and pampering. Eating sweets and eating ice cream is probably the most controversial issue and has been discussed many times within our family. But I think that in terms of human nature, the less you can get, the better. Besides, who didn’t eat junk food in their childhood? Childhood is definitely incomplete without candy and popsicles. In fact, it is not terrible to meet the needs of your children. First of all, your children will repeatedly confirm your love from your attitude, and then they will be more willing to cooperate with you. For example, Xiaowei’s crying has become less and less, his mood has become more and more stable, and he has become a child who can reason and communicate well. Second, satisfaction is also a good time to establish rules. There are several meanings that I will express when giving: 1. Mom loves you very much and is willing to spend money for you. I am also very happy to see you happy. 2. The more toys, the better. You have to think clearly about what you want. We buy toys once a month, and you must buy the ones you like the most. 3. You can only eat snacks in moderation and watch cartoons in moderation. Too much will affect your health. Because mom loves you, there must be certain limits. In this way, the child\’s needs are met, and a sense of rules is gradually established. Now Xiaowei knows that eating too much sugar will cause toothache, eating too much ice cream will cause diarrhea, and he will turn off the computer after watching two episodes. When he squatted in front of the toy stall reluctantly, I reminded him softly: I remember that your wish this month is your favorite XX. He obediently put down his toys and left with me. When his rhinitis attacks, or when the weather turns cold, I tell him he can\’t eat ice cream, and he can resist eating it. He was fully satisfied and knew that my limitations were also motivated by love. That’s why you can understand and cooperate with my suggestions. I never thought about raising an \”obedient\” child, but in fact, my child is surprisingly sensible and obedient. So, don’t engage in stereotyped education like singing bad faces and red faces. If you give enough love, understanding, and respect, and you meet your children’s needs for joy, happiness, and sweetness, then you are the best parent in their children’s eyes. , is also the person that children are most willing to learn to imitate and follow. At that time, do you still need to worry about your children being \”disobedient\”?