If you don’t understand this matter, no matter how you control the child, it will be wrong

When you step out of the house, who can pay for your child\’s behavior? This summer, when I took my classmate Zhe to try out a kindergarten class in an early childhood education center, I met a mother who was arguing with the teacher. The reason was that the mother\’s child did not line up as required and disrupted the classroom order. The teacher criticized the child, and the mother felt that the teacher was too harsh. She said: \”We rarely restrict our children at home, so he has always been more courageous. We also hope that he will be bold when things happen and not be timid, so that he will be more promising in the future.\” The teacher replied: \”At home, the child\’s behavior only affects Family members, if the family thinks it doesn\’t matter, then you can choose to ignore it. But in public, a child\’s inappropriate behavior will affect a group of people, and the consequences may be beyond his ability to bear, so we must take care of it.\” The teacher said. The answer was neither humble nor arrogant, and very appropriate. The onlookers smiled and dispersed. Classmate Zhe shook my hand and said, \”Mom, XXX did something wrong. He didn\’t line up and knocked down the children.\” I patted his little head and said, \”Well, even if we don\’t Do you have to say sorry if you accidentally bump into others?\” Yes, children can be bold, but they cannot use their \”boldness\” to affect other people\’s lives. Once we step out of the house, there is no reason for any of us to expect those around us to be like family and willingly pay for our children\’s behavior. Have our good intentions really helped our children? A mother once asked me whether it is necessary for her baby to attend early childhood education? The biggest benefit of early education is that it can provide children with an environment that is different from the family. Many children of the same age play together, which is helpful to stimulate the baby\’s social awareness. There are some rules that are not found at home, which can allow the baby to experience the differences from the family. Sense of environmental boundaries. I remember a year ago, when I accompanied my classmate Zhe to try out an English class, a mother and son came to try out the course. The mother seems polite and intellectual, and the little boy is about three years old, smiling and lively. After the class started, the little boy slipped down from his seat every few minutes and walked around the classroom. Several times he walked directly to the teacher to get the teaching aids from the teacher\’s hand. It is normal for a three- or four-year-old child to have short attention spans. What struck me as abnormal was the reaction of the child\’s mother – the mother just sat there, watching with a smile, without intervening. The attention of other children was attracted by the little boy\’s behavior. Several children even stood up and wanted to imitate him. Fortunately, they were stopped by their adults. The teacher was reluctant to speak directly, but repeatedly reminded parents to take good care of their children and pay attention to classroom order. After more than ten minutes, the mother got up and took the child back to her seat. The course entered the interactive stage. The teacher gave each child a piece of homework paper with pictures of puppies, kittens, ponies, and small fishes. The children were asked to choose four favorite colors and color the four small animals. Guide them to say which animal is painted in which color in English. The children picked up their paintbrushes and started coloring. I heard the mother\’s voice coming from behind: \”My dear, you are not right in painting like this. How can a cat be blue? There are no blue animals, so why don\’t we paint the cat brown, or black… …Don\’t hold the pen like this. Look at how mom holds the pen. You should hold it like this…\” Looking back,The mother was holding the child\’s little hand and carefully correcting the child\’s pen-holding posture. After a while, the little boy broke away irritably and refused to pick up the paintbrush no matter how much his mother mobilized him. There are many such \”well-intentioned\” mothers in life – they originally know good etiquette, but because they want to conform to their children\’s nature and let them develop freely, they do not restrict their children\’s behavior regardless of the occasion, and they leave others in vain. The impression of \”uneducated\”; when children are doing things independently, they are eager to set \”rules\” and teach \”skills\” according to adults\’ rules, which unknowingly deprives children of the opportunity to experience and think independently. Why can\’t cats be blue? Children really don’t like Karl’s book “Drawing a Blue Horse”! The so-called \”correctness\” is sometimes just what adults take for granted. On the one hand, they want to respect the child\’s self-awareness and let the child grow up happily; on the other hand, they hope that the child will learn early what adults think they should do well. If the child cannot meet the requirements, they will feel that the child is too stupid. Is this kind of confusion common? My friend\’s daughter is just two and a half years old, and her grandparents have been helping to take care of her. My friend discussed it with me that day and said that for some reason, my child just doesn’t like graffiti. When you take out the paintbrush, she turns around and leaves. Later, I went to her house as a guest, and the child\’s grandfather chatted with me: \”Can Zhe Zhe know how to hold a pen? My Niuniu can\’t hold a pen. She can\’t teach her how to do it. She\’s not modest at all. Tell her the correct posture and she\’ll do it right away.\” Annoying.\” I immediately thought of my friend\’s question. Maybe it\’s not that children don\’t like to graffiti, but that children don\’t like being forced by their grandfather to graffiti in an adult way – a two-and-a-half-year-old child\’s little hands have not yet developed enough to use their thumb, index finger and middle finger to control the brush. Children, holding a pen with five fingers is perfectly normal. The way they hold the pen is clumsy in the eyes of adults, as if they are just scribbling on the paper, but they feel the strength of the pen little by little and learn the weight of the pen. It is not until they are about 5 years old that they begin to be able to use 3 Flexible finger control of the brush. However, many parents, because they are eager to let their children learn the \”correct way\” of doing something, force their children to lose interest in exploration early. \”Precocious wisdom\” does not mean \”morning meeting\” Late one night, a mother left me a message on WeChat. With a few crying expressions, she asked: My baby is 6 months old and can\’t stand yet. Is this abnormal? ? Even through the phone screen, I could feel her anxiety and quickly asked: Who said babies should be able to stand at 6 months old? After chatting with her, I found out that her mother-in-law always said that other people\’s babies with such big sizes can stand upright when held under their armpits, and their calves are very powerful when they kick, but her baby\’s legs are weak and he just wants to sit and play. Ask her to take the baby to the hospital for a check-up to see if there is anything wrong… I suddenly felt that \”other people\’s babies\” had seriously affected her mood. A 6-month-old baby should be able to sit but not stand. What her mother-in-law calls \”other people\’s children\” is due to differences in the baby\’s gross motor development – some babies are naturally active and like to challenge movements beyond their own age. For example, in our family, because Zhe\’s father can walk at 10 months, so When classmate Zhe took the first step of walking independently at just over 9 months old,, I didn’t find it strange at all; and along with it, student Zhe’s fine motor development was slow. He was more than one year old and could not point with his index finger. When the baby takes the initiative to practice big movements beyond the age of one month, adults should of course cooperate. And if the baby does not have this awareness, then let them quietly do what they can control. If you have to force your child to do what other people\’s children can do, it may make the baby suffer. The concept of hoping that their children will become successful makes many people look forward to their children becoming wise early. But \”early wisdom\” does not mean \”early meeting\”. The growth and maturity of a life is inherently a slow process. Because of love, we are anxious; and because of love, we cannot be anxious. Everything has its best time to grow. When to sow, when to germinate, when to grow, and when to harvest. Only by following the laws of nature can you get a good harvest; otherwise, it will be counterproductive. Excellent children are managed with love. A mother who understands and loves must know when to restrain her children\’s behavior and when to give them freedom. After all, the negative influence left in childhood may cause children to look for a way out throughout their lives when they grow up. Therefore, be sure not to turn the steering wheel in the wrong direction at the very beginning of taking care of your child.