If you don\’t understand your child\’s \”rebellion\”, you will never be a good parent.

Only their parents know how troublesome adolescent children are. When the child comes back from outside, the parent asks if it is cold, and the child replies: \”Go outside and try it yourself!\” The parent sees that the child has been playing with the mobile phone, and cautiously asks: \”When are you going to study?\” The child responds: \”You Just let me study and force me to death!\” The parent asked if the homework was finished? The child retorted: \”I can\’t finish writing, you can write it for me!\” The parent said: \”You have to memorize politics, Chinese and other liberal arts subjects more.\” The child immediately responded: \”You said it easily, you can memorize it if you want.\” The parent said: \”Go to bed early!\” The child glared at the parent, and the parent walked away dejectedly. When parents look at these children who talk back, are rebellious, and disobedient all day long, they only think of three words: \”It\’s so annoying.\” But when children look at their parents who are nagging, nagging, and have mothers-in-law all day long, they think to themselves The same thing is said: \”It\’s so annoying.\” Once upon a time, the innocent, lively, well-behaved and sensible child has now become a child who quarrels every time he opens his mouth, makes an argument every time he speaks, smells like gunpowder, and chokes people every time he opens his mouth. why is that? My parents were really puzzled. In fact, parents cannot only see the so-called rebellious behaviors displayed by their children on the surface, such as smoking, puppy love, fighting, talking back, arguing, running away from home, being addicted to mobile phones, staying at home, being rude, etc. If we only see these behaviors, we will never understand the child\’s heart and why he behaves like this. Only when parents go deep into their children\’s hearts, understand the laws of their psychological development, and understand why they are rebellious can they truly have good communication with their children. If parents always think that their children are rebellious because they are ignorant, talk back, or deliberately rebel, then they are really being wronged. There is a reason for their rebellion. The first reason is that they hope to differentiate themselves through these rebellious behaviors. For adolescent children, their most important core task is to develop self-identity, which is to shape their self-image—what kind of person I am, what abilities, personality characteristics, etc. I have. In order to accomplish this task, they may achieve this goal by making themselves different. Because only by discovering our own characteristics and being different from others in the process of comparing ourselves with others, can we determine our own image. In order to achieve this goal, they may dye their hair, wear strange clothes, and do things that others dare not do, such as smoking, having puppy love, etc. In the eyes of parents, these things are rebellious, disobedient, and contradictory, but to children, they hope to use these methods to show that they are different from others, thereby determining their own image. Therefore, if parents understand their children\’s psychology and their goals, they will no longer regard many of their children\’s behaviors as rebellion. I know that they just want to confirm their self-image and become a little different from others. Therefore, sometimes, for example, if a child wants to dye their hair or wear some special clothes, parents can try to satisfy them and try to understand their mentality, which will lead to better communication with their children. The second reason is that adolescent children will particularly want toLeaving parents, longing for their own space. They hope to temporarily escape from their parents\’ shelter, protection and control through these behaviors. They want to have their own time to explore themselves, play with friends, and explore the world. If there is no such opportunity, then they are often under the supervision of their parents and have no opportunity to explore themselves, which is detrimental to their formation of self-identity. I sometimes tell parents that the time when children communicate the most with their parents is when they come home from school on Friday in the car, and many parents nod and say yes. Therefore, if you find that your children communicate less and less with their parents, parents should understand that it is not that they are unwilling to communicate, but that they want to communicate with friends and want their own time and space. If parents understand this, they can actually give their children as much free space as possible in their lives. Of course, this freedom is within certain limits and on the premise of protecting physical and mental health, giving children more free space and rights. The third reason is that adolescent children very much want to be able to make their own decisions. This is also a very typical rebellious behavior in the eyes of parents. Children often talk back and have their own ideas. If you reason with them, they will ask why and why. They want to make their own decisions. For adolescent children, they are in a stage of expansion of self-awareness. They are particularly eager to determine their own rights and space, and are very eager to make their own decisions, so that they can determine their own image and have a kind of autonomy. They may want to decide by themselves what clothes to wear, what hairstyle to cut, where to go to play, what interest classes they want to sign up for, when to do homework, etc. They are very concerned about whether they can make decisions in their own affairs. If they can, they feel like an adult, like an adult. If not, they have to listen to their parents on everything, and they feel like they are still children. If parents do not understand this, they will form a power struggle with their children and often conflict. The result will be \”two tigers fighting and both sides will lose.\” Thomas Jefferson said that without the possibility of choice, without the opportunity to choose, then man ceases to be a man but becomes a tool. This is even more apparent during adolescence. When children have autonomy and can make their own choices and decisions, their self-image will become stronger. This is equivalent to the bones of self-awareness. With this sense of self-control, they can better explore and extend their boundaries. If a child reaches adolescence and has little right to make free choices and cannot make many decisions on his own, then his self will either be stifled or his strong desire for self-development will be temporarily suppressed and will explode one day in the future. So we see that adolescent children want to leave their parents, make their own decisions, and become different. These may be rebellious behaviors in the eyes of parents and society, but for children, they are actually the needs of psychological development. . From their own point of view, this is not rebellion, but a kind of growth, a desire, and an exploration, which is important and necessary for them. Only when parents understand the reasons behind their children\’s so-called rebellion can they be more tolerant of their behavior and give them betterA more relaxed but boundary-bound environment for children, thereby reducing conflicts between parents and children, allowing children to grow more smoothly and healthily in a relatively free environment.