If you don’t want to raise your children to be enemies, the sooner you start these 5 methods, the more beneficial they will be.

As parents, we often think that our love for our children is so hot and strong that we are even willing to give everything for our children. As everyone knows, if the way of love is wrong, not only will it not achieve the expected results, but it will also push the child further and further away. There are countless such cases. Many children never want to go home after leaving home, and they still have constant conflicts with their parents even after they reach middle age. A discussion group on Douban called \”Both Parents Are a Disaster\” once caused heated discussion, with 100,000 people joining the discussion. The parent-child relationship actually has compound interest. If conflicts are not dealt with, they will snowball and become irreversible; if they are maintained well, they will become more nourishing for both parties. This article comes from what Sanchuan and Bai Taotao shared in the live broadcast room. Five methods of establishing a harmonious parent-child relationship were proposed, which Sanchuan and Bai Taotao discovered after years of practical observation. All families can use them and benefit everyone. Method 1: The key to providing children with high-quality companionship is to have truly effective conversations. We spend the most time with our families every day, especially mothers and children. But I found that in the process of getting along with our children, we spend very little time truly treating the child as a life and an independent person. I would like to invite everyone to do an experiment: we say a lot to our children every day, especially mothers, from getting up in the morning to going to bed at night. Do you dare to count, what do you say to your children every day? After recording, many people will be surprised to find that most of what we say to our children is giving orders: \”I have said it so many times, but you can\’t remember it!\” \”Why can\’t you remember to drink water?\” \”Hurry up and finish your homework!\” This is not a real conversation. What is a real conversation? Family education is not an extension of school education, nor a continuation of social roles. If you truly treat your child as a person, you will care about his happiness and what he needs in life. This kind of dialogue is a real dialogue. There may only be a few sentences in a day, but it is a very effective and high-quality family education companionship. You have to put aside all the external conditions of your child: how is your child\’s test score today, whether he can pass the exam in a key school, whether he has only passed level 5 in the piano test, and whether he won any prize in the competition. There are also various comparisons. My child\’s grades are not good, and he has no particularly outstanding hobbies and interests… When you look at the child again, you will see that the individual in front of you is unique in the world, completely different from others. They are all different beings. To have a caring dialogue with this being, I think this is called an effective dialogue with children. There is a method in my house called ten minutes in the living room. Everyone takes turns speaking for three minutes each, and everyone else must listen carefully without interrupting or commenting. In this pressure-free environment, children can communicate with you about any real happenings and real thoughts, which is particularly important. Only through such dialogue and communication can we be able to see everyone in the family and know what the children are thinking about every day, what makes them lonely and what makes them happy, and can effectively enhance the parent-child relationship. This kind of effective dialogue can also have very surprising results. How many words do you know in three minutes? Our usual speaking speed is about 150 words per minute.3 minutes is 450 words, and the whole family together is more than 1,000 words. Later, I saw the findings of some theoretical research reports: In a family, the vocabulary of equal communication between parents and children determines the child\’s future social achievements and happiness index. If the real communication in your family reaches 2,000 words every day, it will be very powerful. If you insist on talking like this, there will be three consequences: First, the relationship between your whole family will become better and better. Not only will you not get divorced, but you will always love each other. After your children reach adolescence, they will have a special relationship with you. deep. Second, you will gain a child with strong expressive skills. Third, the gain is that you and your husband will reflect on this process and become better versions of yourself. Especially for those parents who are on business trips all day long, take 10 minutes a day to spend time with your family. You are only allowed to talk for 3 minutes and spend 6 minutes to listen to what your family has to say. The effect will be very good and it will super-enhance you. Relationship. Now you can also video, which is very convenient. Method 2: Really see the difference of the child as an individual instead of comparing him with other children. Sometimes we can\’t help but compare the child with others. When your child comes over, just like when we play a game and characters appear, the character is above A score will flash up, along with some of the magic weapons he carries with him. All you see are scores, certificates and these external evaluations. We often see the same parts of this child as others, or even the excellent parts of others, but fail to see the differences. What makes children different from others is a matter of life, and there is no right or wrong in terms of good or bad. Every life in this world has its own value because of its differences. We always want our children to be that person in this aspect and that person in that aspect, but have you ever thought about there being a paradox in this? : If the child becomes a certain life that you expect, it means that these two lives can be replaced. If this life can be replaced, it must have no value of its own. Why do we want to raise an individual who can be replaced, who may be excellent and powerful, but are not willing to have an individual who is irreplaceable, does not need to be judged by any evaluation system, but loves his own life? Method 3: Play with your child what he likes. If your child recommends you watch cartoons or even various weird dramas on Bilibili, will you watch them? Our whole family once watched a Japanese cartoon recommended by Maruko-chan. If it hadn\’t been for Maruko-chan\’s recommendation, neither of us would have taken the initiative to watch such a movie in our lives. To be honest, we really watched it patiently. We even tried to play the games recommended by Maruko-chan many times together. Our clumsy but devoted state was ridiculed mercilessly by her. Why do we do this? When we watch something that our child likes together, we have a common topic, a basis for discussion, and we can analyze the characters and behaviors together. During this discussion, our values ​​​​are once again close to consistent. Method 4: Let the child dare to say his true thoughts. When Xiaowanzi reaches adolescence, he will tell us when he comes home that there are people in the class.Male classmates pay attention to her. It is particularly important for children to be able to communicate with you any real happenings and real thoughts. If we communicate with our children every day and create an atmosphere where everything they say and do is right, they will dare to express the truth. If we don’t use this method and atmosphere, what will happen? How about that? He will tell you what he has learned today and make the parents feel that the knowledge is correct. You will think that my child is great. He actually knows the ocean drifting instrument and can speak English and Latin, but he hides his true thoughts. , this kind of communication is not our goal at all, so the real atmosphere is very valuable. We call our home a harbor, which emphasizes seeing your child when he or she is vulnerable or in pain. Method 5: There must be someone in the family who loves the child unconditionally. There is a theory in psychology that a person must have at least one person in the world who loves him unconditionally. What is unconditional love? No matter what this child did wrong, you tell him that although you did this wrong, I will still love you. Of course, it would be best if the person who loves him is his parents, or it can also be his grandparents or grandparents. Even if this unconditional love comes from a nanny or a person who has not always been close to them, but At the critical moment, he conveyed the message, \”Son, I will always support you and love you,\” and it was okay. But what are you most afraid of? The biggest fear is that many people seem to like this child, but no one loves him unconditionally. Then, when a child encounters what he considers to be some huge setbacks and problems, and no one gives him the last line of defense or a harbor, he will often give up on himself at this time, such as committing suicide. Because he will think that no one in this world believes in him anymore. It doesn\’t matter how old the person is, whether he has any achievements, or even doesn\’t know a word, as long as he loves the child unconditionally. So from this point of view, sometimes I reflect on the fact that we feel that our elders dote on children. From a psychological point of view, we can allow such a person in the world or in your life. No matter how you look at this child, It is good. This logic is not doting or indulging him to do bad things, but someone must tell him that I can help you correct it, but I will not stop loving you because of it, nor will I stop loving you just because you are excellent. Love you. I think if we think through this logic clearly, many of our problems will be solved. Written at the end: A good parent-child relationship is an important part of a child’s healthy growth. However, I don’t know when many parents have changed from “accompanying their children’s growth” to overseers of “completing homework and getting good grades in exams”. They only focus on Scores and grades, lack of care for children\’s souls and lack of communication with children\’s souls, will bring great obstacles to children\’s growth. In fact, to establish a good parent-child relationship, parents do not need to be very rich, nor do they need parents to have a particularly high level of education. We will find that if a family achieves the points mentioned above, then your family will most likely be happy, and your children will be happy.Your child will also become a happy child who loves and respects you, and all of this is free.