If you have a crybaby at home, congratulations, that’s a good thing

Many parents seem to be unable to accept their children crying. Some parents always ask me, what should I do if my children cry too much? \”My child loves to cry very much. He bursts into tears whenever we disagree. Every time he cries, it makes me really upset. What should I do with a child who loves to cry?\” In fact, children\’s crying is an important way to express emotions. There are many different types of emotions behind children making noises: sadness, wronged, disappointed with their abilities, pain, lack of self-confidence, anxiety, wanting to express resistance, expectations not being met… Crying is closer to laughing than laughing to the nature of the child. Crying allows children to face their own weakness and recover from it to become stronger. This is a process of accepting that they are limited. When a child needs to release his emotions, parents must understand and accept him and achieve \”empathy\”, that is, sharing emotions: understand the other person and take positive actions to make the other person truly feel your understanding and care. A big determinant of a person\’s emotional intelligence is emotional sensitivity. Parents\’ \”empathic\” attitude toward their children\’s expression of emotions provides great opportunities for growth in their children\’s future development of emotional intelligence, getting along with themselves, and communicating with others. I used to be a \”firefighter\” who put out fires everywhere. Whenever I hear Xiaohua crying, my first reaction is to tell her to stop crying. The way to deal with it is either to blame or to compromise, as if the process and result of the whole thing are not important, and the purpose is to stop the child from crying. Gradually, I discovered that things were not that simple. We cannot give up our principles and bottom line to compromise just because we want to prevent our children from crying. What we can do is: accept that they can use \”crying\” to vent when they cannot be satisfied. Crying ≠ Unreasonable making trouble When we were children, that kind of uncomfortable negative emotions were often denied by adults; when we grow up, we will also regard crying as a \”wrong\” emotion, which is used to deal with adults. \”vindictive mood\”. Therefore, when children cry, we feel annoyed and think that they are making trouble unreasonably. In fact, they are expressing their emotions by crying. \”Don\’t cry, you are a man!\” \”If you cry again, I won\’t want you anymore.\” \”Did you hear me not to cry?\” These are words we often hear. In fact, crying is a child\’s nature and an instinct for them. A well-behaved little sheep who doesn\’t lose his temper is not what we want. Crying is a way to vent when they can\’t bear the pain they should have at this age. Children\’s crying should be \”encouraged\” as a way of expressing emotions. We should not stop children, but guide them to express \”without fear\” and \”bravely\”. Why don\’t we let our children cry? If you force your children to stop crying, they will become less confident. When sending Xiaohua to kindergarten, I often heard parents shouting at the door to their crying children: \”Stop crying! If you cry again, the kindergarten teacher won\’t want you!\” There are many similar situations. In the park, when a child falls, an adult will pick him up and say, \”Baby, if you don\’t cry, you are the strongest, right?\” At this time, the child will usually cry harder. Psychological activity: IIt just hurts! I just want to cry! He became more aggrieved and cried harder. In the end, it turned into the adult\’s impatience and anger: \”If you keep crying, I\’ll leave!\” The child was frightened and had no choice but to stop crying, but the fundamental problem behind the emotion was not solved. The child passively stopped crying. The negative emotions were not released, but added a bit of fear: If I cry, my parents will hate me and reject me… During the entire growth process of the child, they cannot choose for themselves. \”Cry\” to resolve emotions. Over time, children will become less confident, cautious, and weaker inside. It may be a good thing to be strong enough to endure my tears, but I hope my children can be happy, laugh and cry freely, and not keep the pain and sadness in their hearts. I hope the children can understand that even if adults are angry, let them You cry, but we still love you. Encouragement gives children an opportunity to feel, express, and sort out their emotions, rely on their own strength, and work through their own efforts to get out of their emotions. Only such children will have a stronger heart. Accept children\’s emotions. Acceptance means not criticizing or resisting, and learning to accept children\’s emotions that want to \”cry\”. All emotions are energy, they come and they must go. Xiaohua loves to eat small cakes from the cafe downstairs. That day I bought two pieces as a reward for her. She finished two pieces and wanted to continue eating, but I refused her. Then she started to perform various performances: kissing me, hugging me, begging me, acting like a baby… \”No, if you eat too much, your teeth and intestines will be bad.\” Xiaohua\’s expression suddenly changed. \”Mom, I\’ll do it again Eat a little bit…\” \”No.\” My attitude was very firm. This sentence seemed to be the last straw that broke her heart, and Xiaohua burst into tears instantly. \”I know the cakes are delicious, and I know you are very sad now, but you must not eat them again. If crying can make you feel better, then just cry for a while!\” My best friend looked at me and felt very sad. Strange, what? You actually made her cry? I laughed and said, \”It\’s because she is your biological mother that I made her cry!\” I can accept you using \”crying\” to express dissatisfaction, but I will not accept you using \”crying\” as a weapon to gain satisfaction. Most parents may choose to compromise, or forcefully stop or divert attention to stop their children from crying. However, these negative emotions of children will not disappear just because adults do not allow or accept them. Instead, they will be deeply buried in the children\’s subconscious. When similar situations occur in the future, these original negative emotions will disappear. will be triggered again. Children often have a special ability: they laugh when they are happy, cry when they are unhappy, and after crying, the sky clears up. Therefore, we must accept our children\’s emotions, simply live in harmony with these emotions, feel them completely, and let them flow naturally. Regarding the correct handling of children\’s negative emotions, Huo Siyan has a textbook performance in \”Mom is Superman\”. ▼When Uhm was walking barefoot in the room, he accidentally stepped on a sharp toy and instantly burst into tears. Huo Siyan\’s first reaction was to ask what he had stepped on. But Humph ignored her, so she walked over and picked it up to make it hurt.Uh-huh showed him the parts, but Uh-huh didn\’t want to see them at all, so he threw the things away while crying. Huo Siyan carefully looked at Uhm\’s foot, and found that the skin was really scratched by the small part, and blood was oozing out. She bent over and blew air for Uhm, and said deeply moved: \”It hurts too much, it really hurts!\” At the same time, she picked up the things that Uhm had thrown away, \”Oh my God, it hurts so much, we Go and take a look at that thing. Don’t throw it away in anger. If you throw it away, you may step on it accidentally. When you encounter such a dangerous thing, be sure to take it to your mother or teacher and throw it into the trash can or put it on a high place. , otherwise you might forget it and step on it again.\” Finally, Huo Siyan put the things on the soles of her feet and guessed, \”Don\’t just throw things away. If your mother steps on them, she will feel the same pain as you. It hurts so much. I can completely feel the pain you just felt.\” Uhm He also said warmly: \”Then take it away quickly.\” Then, Uhm Hum\’s mood finally stabilized, from crying loudly to calming down. , it only took a few minutes. \”Sharing Emotions\” with Children When Xiaohua wanted to play with something dangerous and I wouldn\’t let her, she started to cry sadly. I tried to explain to her: \”Are you angry with your mother because I don\’t let you play with something dangerous?\” I\’m letting you play with matches. I\’m sad to see you unhappy, but I really can\’t give you matches to play with. I\’ll tell you how to use them when you grow up, okay? If you\’re really unhappy, just cry for a while, but don\’t Is it too long?\” Usually after I say something like this, Xiaohua can basically control her emotions, sob for a while, and then do other things. Helping children find emotional boundaries, Xiaohua learned to take the initiative to tell me her unhappiness. She also learned to watch people’s emotions. She also became very sensitive to other people’s emotions and figured out whether she was making people angry. From time to time, she quietly asked me: \”Mom\” , are you angry?\” After letting the child recognize his own emotions, let him be able to express his emotions, such as being able to say that he is angry or sad…On these basis, gradually clarify Emotions, in fact, are constructing his/her emotional boundaries. Children themselves should be the managers and monitors of their own emotions. Let children feel and accept emotions on their own, let children learn to get along with emotions and be the master of their own emotions. Parents should \”empathize\” with their children, that is, \”share emotions.\” Let the child feel that the adult\’s emotions are in the same position as him/her, and that the adult understands and accepts him/her; by understanding the root cause of the problem and what language and behavior is acceptable to the child, he can understand the child\’s emotions and talk to them emotions together. Children like to express all their emotions in front of family members because this is when they can be listened to and understood. The more a child is understood, the better he will perform outside in the future. Children\’s emotional sensitivity is improved, which is also beneficial to the formation of future emotional intelligence, and their lives will be happier. Crying is a way for children to express their emotions. As long as we adopt a positive and correct attitude, every catharsis can become a growth. If your child vents his emotions to those closest to him, please let him cry for a while!