If you often say these 5 sentences, it will make your children hate learning more and more

The most troublesome thing for parents is that their children \”don\’t want to study.\” In our backstage, we receive similar complaints from parents every now and then: \”I lose my focus when I read a book, I feel sleepy when I listen to a lecture, and I feel energetic immediately when I play with my mobile phone!\” \”I feel like I\’m so busy going to school every day, and I don\’t want to go out. \”Often late\”, \”Children don\’t want to go to school and are disgusted with learning!\”… These problems give parents a headache, and we are puzzled: Today\’s children are well fed and served at home, and they don\’t have to worry about anything. , as long as he focuses on studying. But this is the only thing that the children cannot do well or are unwilling to do. Children must do these 7 things during the winter vacation, so that they can make rapid progress at the beginning of school. Adults always stubbornly believe that if children hate studying, it must be the child’s problem. In fact, there are more complex reasons behind this. Schools, families, children’s interpersonal relationships, teacher-student relationships, etc. can all affect children’s enthusiasm for learning. Today we will discuss the impact of parents’ inappropriate words and deeds on children’s “weariness of learning”. For example, these 5 most common sentences said by parents can easily make children resist learning. Example of tight supervision: \”You haven\’t written a word yet? How many times do you want me to push you every day?\” Many children who hate learning have this characteristic: learning is their own business, but they just don\’t take it seriously. In the end, the only ones who were anxious were the parents, who followed behind with urging and coaxing. This phenomenon is actually a signal, which implies that children\’s learning autonomy is being deprived. Autonomy, to put it bluntly, means independence and initiative, that is, \”I can do it\” and \”I want to do it myself.\” Unfortunately, in real life, children\’s learning unknowingly becomes the responsibility of parents. In a parent-child program, a mother had to remind her child every ten minutes on average from the time she came home to cook until she finished her homework. But no matter how anxious they are, the children remain calm and even say to themselves: \”I don\’t want to do homework.\” How do these children who are urged but indifferent view learning? They believe that learning is for parents and is a \”task\” that adults require of themselves. If no one urges or supervises me, then I won\’t learn. In particular, the more parents take care of things and supervise them more frequently, the more serious the children\’s resistance will be and the more they feel that learning matters have nothing to do with them. After all, a child\’s first reaction when faced with urging and orders is to resist, not to obey. Finally, we fall into a vicious cycle. The adults think: If I don’t push, the children will not learn; the children think: The more adults push, the less I want to learn. Children lose their motivation and enthusiasm for learning, and their aversion to learning becomes serious. When tutoring homework, they yelled, \”I\’ve said it so many times, but you still wrote it wrong!\” Some children hate learning because the feeling brought by learning is so bad. Some parents find it difficult to control their emotions and say all kinds of unpleasant things when they get excited. Others beat and scold their children, causing their children to be surrounded by negative emotions such as anxiety, restlessness, fear, etc. while studying. I know a parent who quarrels with her daughter almost every day about homework. One night before going to bed, her daughter said to her: \”Mom, I hate studying, because when it’s study time, you start scolding me, and you become less like my mother. \”My daughter\’s words made her reflect for a long time. Many parents are complaining about how painful tutoring homework is. In fact, it is also painful for their children. During homework time every day, he is bruised and bruised by his parents\’ yelling. How can he look at it positively? Studying? Because of studying, the parents who doted on them in the past began to become arrogant, and the most important experience of love in the child\’s life was destroyed. At this time, studying will slowly become something he hates. Learning itself is a very boring thing. If children are in primary school, they are burdened with huge psychological pressure and develop aversion and resistance. This kind of emotional shadow of being tired of learning is likely to spread to the child\’s entire learning career. I think If you don\’t study well, everything else will be a problem. Example: \”If you don\’t study well, you won\’t want to play in the future…\” Many parents believe that if their children have good grades, nothing else will be a problem; if their children don\’t study well, nothing will matter. Will be better: Even if the child has no problem, he still has to find fault. This is a very heavy blow to the child. A teacher friend has a boy in the class who has mediocre grades, but he plays basketball very well, even in several games. He also won an award. The child likes to play basketball very much. Whenever he has time, he invites his friends to play on the basketball court. In the eyes of his classmates, the boy is sunny, energetic, and has a leadership temperament. But the boy’s father He believed that children who did not study well at school were failures. He could not bear to see his children playing basketball and felt that his son spent too much time and energy on it. During a certain mid-term exam, the child\’s grades dropped, and the father and son had a big quarrel. He became angry. He threw the basketballs at home into the trash can and threatened his children: \”If you don\’t study hard, you will never play basketball again in your life. Buy one and I\’ll throw one away!\” \”The father\’s reaction made the child completely sad, and he gave up on learning even more completely. The basketball court is a pure land outside of learning, which allows the boy to release stress and gain self-confidence and a sense of accomplishment. It is a way for children to experience life. However, his father also took away the only place for real emotions in his heart. His father’s reaction told him: If you can’t read well, no matter how good you are in other areas, you will be useless. The child will not experience a sense of achievement in learning, and will accumulate experience in other areas. The sense of value and the relationship established are also destroyed by their parents, and they gradually lose the motivation to grow. Over time, the children\’s hatred of learning becomes more and more profound. Many parents sometimes cannot see their children being too happy. Things that have nothing to do with learning are regarded as As a scourge, the subconscious mind thinks that this is a sign of losing control, and it attacks the children\’s love arbitrarily. It seems that the children have no other thoughts at all and can study with peace of mind. In fact, children\’s interests and hobbies are the only comfort in their hearts after studying. To get into the child\’s heart, we must try to understand what the child values. If you can get rid of the only criterion of academic performance, you will find that the child is not bad at all. Example sentences that always undermine children\’s self-confidence in learning : \”You are not meant to study.\” Some children hate studying because they lack self-confidence.It\’s like a \”break the jar, break it\” mentality. Children who always hit a wall in their studies face great psychological pressure. Some children with mediocre grades are at the bottom of the \”chain of contempt\” in the \”small society\” of school. Different treatment by teachers and unintentional discrimination among classmates… all make them feel embarrassed. After experiencing many academic failures, they do not feel any sense of academic achievement and cannot feel their self-worth in school. After returning home, they were ridiculed by their parents again, adding insult to injury: \”Why do other people\’s children study so well but you can\’t?\” \”You are always so careless, no wonder you are so poor at studying!\” \”Look at you, you are not a student at all. Materials.\” The multiple blows in this environment caused children to slowly lose their self-confidence in learning, fall into the quagmire of denying themselves, and appear in a typical psychological state of \”learned helplessness.\” In the world of learning, parents, teachers, and classmates do not want to see them, so children will want to escape when they encounter learning. Parents should accompany their children to find correct learning methods, cultivate good study habits, let their children rebuild their confidence in learning, support and trust them. If we always belittle our children unscrupulously and destroy their enthusiasm for learning step by step, our children will \”give up on themselves\” very quickly. Three sentences are inseparable from learning examples: \”Don\’t think nonsense, your task is to study well!\” A girl told such a story: When she was in junior high school, she had a quarrel with her best classmate. The two had a cold war for a long time and were unhappy. For several days, my mother noticed that she was depressed and asked questions quickly. After learning the reason, her mother breathed a sigh of relief: \”What is this? Your task at this stage is to study well and don\’t think about it all day long.\” The girl never confided her troubles to her mother again, because her mother In her eyes, all her pain is insignificant compared to her learning. Many adults actually don’t know how to chat with children. The most talked about topics with children are almost all about study: how did you do your homework today; what did your teacher say; don’t think too much, your task is to study… On the surface, this sentence is a sign of love and love for your children. Protection, allowing children to study with peace of mind, is actually a manifestation of achievement theory and score theory. I once heard a child say: \”I hate my parents saying this the most. When they see me, they see academic performance in their eyes and don\’t care about me at all. I am not a learning machine!\” It is difficult for children to communicate in this way. Feeling the love of their parents, they are unable to establish a healthy emotional connection with their parents. In their study life, there is only study and no love. This is an important reason why children are tired of studying. From this perspective, if a child hates learning, the problem does not lie with the child, but with the relationship between parents and children. The more tired a child is from studying, the worse the parent-child relationship in the family may be. There is nothing wrong with parents attaching importance to their children\’s learning, but it is too one-sided to regard learning as the only part of their children\’s lives. Some parents even block communication between parents and children because of their grades. This is the most detrimental thing. Parents, in the long education process, must learn to communicate with their childrenCommunicate well, catch your child\’s emotions, and enhance understanding. Even if you just listen carefully and pay attention to his feelings, emotions, and thoughts, they are all precious gifts to your child.