If you say \”ask your mother\” to your child again, I will greet your mother!

\”Dad, where did I come from?\” \”Dad, why are planes flying in the sky?\” \”Dad, why are the stars twinkling?\”… For this series of questions, dads have a unified standard Answer: Ask your mother. I heard a story about a father who was watching TV attentively. His youngest son walked over and asked him a homework problem: \”Dad, where are the Alps?\” He replied: \”Ask your mother, she packs everything. .\” No wonder some people say that a father has three treasures when raising a child: mobile phone, lifting up, and looking for your mother. This year\’s Father\’s Day, CCTV conducted a street interview with the title \”What is the most common thing a father says?\”. Among the citizens\’ answers, \”Ask (ask) your mother\” topped the list. \”Dad, I\’m hungry!\” \”Go away, go find your mother.\” \”Dad, I\’m having trouble!\” \”If it\’s a big deal, go find your mother!\”… Many mothers are told \”Looking for you\” every day. Mom\” exploded to the point where she was dizzy and furious. In the eyes of some fathers, mother is \”female + horse\”. What\’s even more egregious is that when their children are disobedient and do not make progress in their studies, fathers often complain to their mothers: \”How do you educate your children?\” Do you think this is irritating or not? I once saw a mother in the community who couldn\’t bear it yelling at her hands-off shopkeeper husband: \”Damn you! I\’ll do everything for you, what\’s the use of you!\” If fathers say \”Ask your mother\” to their children again, be careful. Being greeted by your wife as your mother! \”Ask your mother\” in everything highlights a heavy reality: mothers are fighting alone when it comes to children\’s education, and fathers are not actually present and have basically been reduced to a symbol. There are two moments when mothers who are helpless feel most isolated and helpless. One is when a child is sick. Whenever a child has a headache or fever, they will be particularly clingy to their mother. Many mothers have had this experience: their sick children want to be hugged and comforted all the time, but they can’t hold them anymore. If they put the child down, the child will immediately cry and cry. Sometimes they can only be held in their hands all night. can not sleep. At this time, my husband is mostly sleeping soundly. If their husbands are not at home and nervous mothers are worried about the worsening of their condition, they usually call their husbands: \”Do you want to go to the hospital? Can you come back soon?\” Dads often look indifferent and impatient: \”What\’s the matter? What\’s the big deal? Who doesn\’t have three illnesses and two pains? If she needs to go to the hospital, can\’t you take her there? I\’m not a doctor, what\’s the use of going back?\” The other is when the child\’s academic performance is not satisfactory. Whenever the test results are announced, those dazzling scores will pierce my mother\’s heart like needles. Disappointment, anger, anxiety and other feelings surge up together, making her sleepless and unsatisfactory. Anxious mothers will actively inquire about various cram schools, hoping to find a \”tonic\” that can help their children \”stop bleeding and recover.\” But dads are always noncommittal: \”We didn\’t go to any cram school when we were young, so why don\’t we go to college? Isn\’t it good to let our children have a happy childhood?\” Dads\’ understatement cannot alleviate mothers\’ anxiety. , but made them even more worried: \”What era is it now? Can it be compared with the past? Look at how many cram schools other people\’s children have enrolled in, and then look at our family\’s, it’s just like herding sheep, if this continues, the child will be delayed! \”A father who has no opinions will always force a mother who thinks too much. Fathers\’ absent-mindedness in the growth of their children further aggravates mothers\’ sense of responsibility and crisis. The educational responsibility should be shared by two people. , can only be resisted by the mother\’s weak shoulders, and mothers have to bear the burden and move forward. Many mothers are puzzled and angry: \”Why is my husband so cruel and cruel to his children? Why so indifferent? Did I give birth to the child alone? \”Dads, on the other hand, think mothers are making a fuss and overreacting. This kind of disagreement can further cause arguments, add fuel to the fire, and deepen the gap and estrangement between husband and wife. Of course, the vast majority of fathers will never admit that they do not care about their children at all. Dads Although they don\’t usually play with their children or teach them homework, they have very high requirements for their children. As long as the children make the slightest mistake, they will immediately teach them a fierce lesson. They are euphemistically called \”executive families\”. \”Method\”. This is a typical idea of ​​\”small investment, big output\” eager for quick success! Maybe dads think this way: \”I am responsible for making good money, and you are responsible for reading good books.\” \”The two are like a contract, an exchange. Otherwise, the child has failed me and has no conscience, so he should be beaten. Apart from \”enforcing family laws\”, family education basically has nothing to do with the father. Fathers are used to it. After this kind of positioning, once the child offends, mothers who are at a loss will say: \”If you don\’t obey me, I will tell your dad!\” \”This further confirms the \”black face\” role of fathers. Fathers have played this embarrassing role for many years, causing fathers and children to lose their natural closeness. It has become a trend to avoid fathers. Jia Baoyu is a typical example. Example. Jia Zheng was involved in officialdom and worked as an official abroad for a long time. He usually didn\’t take care of Baoyu. When he came back occasionally, he didn\’t ask about anything else but Baoyu\’s study. If the study situation was not ideal, he would criticize and sarcastically say: \”If you mention the word \”school\” again, , even I was so embarrassed. According to me, it\’s only right that you insist on going. Look carefully, the place is dirty and my door is dirty. \”Once, Baoyu was suspected of being \”homosexual\” because he exchanged sweat towels with Jiang Yuhan. In addition, Baoyu molested Mrs. Wang\’s maid Jin Chuaner, which led to her being punished by Mrs. Wang and throwing herself into a well in shame and anger. Jia Zheng was furious. He beat Baoyu violently. He first ordered the boy to hit him with a wooden board, but then he thought the beating was too light and so he did it himself. He hit Baoyu very hard, and the result was that Baoyu\’s \”little clothes were all stained with blood…from the buttocks to the shins, they were either green or purple, whole or torn. There is no benefit at all.\” This kind of education method of \”ignoring and beating as soon as possible\” is a disaster for children. Therefore, Baoyu was particularly afraid of his father Jia Zheng. When he heard about Jia Zheng When Baoyu began to avoid his father and closed the channel of communication with his father, Jia Zheng\’s education was tantamount to failure. Behind every indifferent father, there is A worried mother. Behind every absent-minded father, there is a child who avoids his father. The result is that the worried mother and the child who avoids his father form a psychological \”Siamese\”. Mothers\’ dependence on their husbands weakened, this disappearsHe grew up, so he placed his emotions on his children. The child is her life, her god, her everything. But a mother who works alone will inevitably fall into loneliness and insecurity, and thus unconsciously wrap her children with suffocating love and anxiety. Children cannot feel safe from their father and can only seek help and comfort from their mother. As a result, the boundaries between the rights and responsibilities of children and mothers are blurred, becoming \”I am you, you are me, what is mine is yours, and what is yours is mine.\” Mothers\’ meticulous care deprives their children of the opportunity and energy for \”psychological weaning,\” causing them to seek shelter from their mothers throughout their lives. When a child is a child, if the father always says \”Ask your mother\” to the child, then when he grows up, the child may still ask his mother about everything: \”Mom, should I fall in love with her?\” \”Mom, should I fall in love with her?\” Get married?\” \”Mom, should I listen to her?\”…Mama\’s baby and giant baby were born in this way. A girl couldn\’t stand her mommy boyfriend and said angrily: \”I have to ask your mom for everything! Why didn\’t you ask your mom if our sizes match before going to bed!\” If they don\’t want their children to be humiliated like this in the future, dads may have to ask themselves, am I Aren\’t you also saying to your children, \”Go ask (find) your mother\”?