If you want your children to be happy, please do this

The mother of a student recently told me that she feels that she is an ordinary person, and her children should also be ordinary people. In the future, whether it is studying or living, health and happiness are the most important. In her opinion, a plain and warm life is the best. I hope that children can always maintain a warm and normal mind and be less utilitarian, so that they will feel that life is beautiful. These words feel very warm and beautiful to my ears. I can totally relate to what this mother wants to pass on to her children. This reminds me that when I was doing online family education consultation recently, a mother who was very distressed came to me and asked me: her 6-year-old daughter has become very difficult to get along with and refuses to listen to her words. On the contrary, she loves her father\’s words very much. listen. I asked this mother what she mainly does when getting along with her daughter. When she thought about it, it was nothing, just various trivial things in life. For example, one day she asked her daughter to wash her socks, but the child was not happy and knocked over the basin. Then I asked, what does the child like about his father? She said that she liked that her father could play the piano and they could have a lot of fun together. The age of 6 is actually a new stage of children\’s self-awareness. Before that, they listened more to their parents\’ opinions. After that, their own opinions became stronger and stronger; before that, they were completely dependent on their mothers because they needed to A lot of care, and after that there is an increasing curiosity about the outside world. But I didn’t tell this mother any of these theories, because what she needed was a solution, and for children, the solution to the problem always requires very specific and practical actions. So I gave this mother two suggestions: First, show your hobbies and expertise to free yourself from the role of \”caregiver of life\’s trivial matters.\” This is a misunderstanding that many mothers fall into easily. After having children, my identity and role at home are single, my previous interests and hobbies are abandoned, and my whole person loses its luster. In fact, if you can show off your most interesting and outstanding talents, it will easily attract your children\’s attention and make them think: Wow, my mother is awesome! Moreover, children can receive diversified nourishment from their mother’s interests and hobbies, and feel the various beauties that exist in life. A mother can invite her children to enjoy these \”little blessings\” with her: she starts by doing it first and gets her children to participate. Just like if the father can play the piano, the child can enjoy music together. Even if she does not play the piano, she can sing and dance along with her father\’s playing. Second, getting along with children is not just about “making requests”. On the contrary, most of your life should be spent doing all kinds of interesting things together. For example, our child likes to build Lego. I will help him find materials (it is very trivial and is his least favorite step), and then work with him to develop new ways of classifying materials. For example, our children also like to draw, and I am good at writing stories, so we collaborate: he adds illustrations to the stories I write, and I make up new stories for his paintings. This is also a misunderstanding that many mothers easily fall into, fixing themselves in the role of \”supervisor of behavioral habits\”. Of course it is important to guide and educate children, but this is not the whole story of life.department. In fact, from my experience, if the mother can happily and devotedly accompany her children to do all kinds of fun things, the children will have a very high level of trust, intimacy and cooperation with their mothers in these experiences. This kind of relationship will be Extending to other aspects: Children are more responsive when their mothers make behavioral demands. Perhaps it can be summed up as follows: children who feel happy and are infiltrated by happiness are more willing to give and cooperate. More tips on improving happiness. In fact, children are very easy to be satisfied. A little bit of \”little luck\” can make them happy. There is no need to go to great lengths. They just need to spend a little more on the little things in life. Just thoughts. Whenever he feels happy, he expresses it directly through his expressions, words and body movements, which in turn gives me a lot of encouragement: his joy and excitement, like the sunshine at home, will infect everyone. people. I summarized some small actions that can bring him and myself happiness. Using stories and imagery to do this does not require the expertise of \”story writing\”; parents can make use of ready-made materials. For example, our children particularly like chinchillas. When buying daily necessities such as cushions, bath towels, and slippers, I will look for related designs, and I get good results every time. I customized the scarf and hat as a little dinosaur. He can play the role of a warm little monster and act out related picture book stories. This year, I found Xiao Miao Miao style socks, which are very fresh. I even bought a matching plush hat for myself to wear. The little guy loves to touch my head, haha! Maintain appropriate redundancy. For example, our snack cabinet is always well stocked and replenished regularly. Therefore, in the child\’s \”mental account\”, there is always a balance in the snack item. \”Don\’t worry about scarcity\” is not only a sense of security, but also a sense of happiness. Because children have absolute confidence, they are more willing to restrain themselves: they will not eat too much in one sitting. Of course, I have also limited it to \”moderate\” redundancy. We will organize the snack cabinet regularly to see which varieties have more leftovers. We will not replenish them until they are cleared. This is actually cultivating children\’s resources. Management awareness. A little change and freshness from time to time is also good nutrition for children, but no matter how good something is, if it remains the same and repeated over and over again, it will have diminishing marginal utility. Therefore, in the examples I gave above, you may have seen that there are several choices for images. In fact, every time a new image is provided, our children will be happy for a long time. You can also do something different from usual from time to time. For example, go to a concert, see an art exhibition, or visit a museum. The premise is that you should be in a relaxed, happy and fun mood, and ensure that these are things you like to do. Don\’t be utilitarian and require your children to \”learn\” something from them. Exceed expectations a little bit Finally, parents are actually the people who know their children’s wishes best. I will tend to not only meet the child’s wishes within a reasonable range, but also exceed his expectations a little bit. Here are a few points: First, the understanding of the child’s wishes is from the child’s perspective;It’s not about giving him what his parents think is good from a parent’s perspective. Secondly, the little extra money does not actually increase the cost (whether it is energy or money), but it is the best source of happiness. You can call it a surprise, but I prefer to understand it as: what is just met is a need, and what is exceeded is love.