If you want your children to be mentally strong and away from depression, don’t say these two sentences! Every parent should remember ~

Children today seem to be particularly fragile. The case of Hu Mouyu makes people feel sad and depressed. What happened to the flowers we guard with all our hearts? The proportion of depression among teenagers is getting higher and higher. If the plight of children is not seen and spread by more people, pitiful things like this may happen endlessly. To tell a heartbreaking truth, the 2020 National Mental Health Blue Book Survey shows that 24.6% of teenagers have depressive symptoms; the \”2022 Youth Mental Health Status Survey Report\” surveyed and analyzed more than 30,000 teenagers nationwide and found that participants in the survey 14.8% of adolescents are at risk of depression to varying degrees. And behind this is the blood and tears of countless families. A child psychiatrist once said that among the many children he sees, many often say these five mantras: I am so useless, I have no appetite, I am bored to death/I am so tired that I have insomnia again/I can’t sleep and watch. After finishing these five sentences, I had mixed feelings in my heart, and I thought of one sentence: \”Behind those children who suffer from depression, it is likely that the entire family is sick. It is not just the children who need treatment.\” However, children must not be affected by the family. too difficult! Because many problems are often cloaked in the guise of perfect family relationships, such as the two sentences we often hear – 1. \”I\’m all for your own good.\” I don\’t know if you have the kind of parents who are full of \”sadness\” around you. Huang Zhizhong once told a story in \”Qi Pa Shuo\” about a mother who always gave fish meat to her children and ate the fish heads herself. The mother who had eaten fish heads all her life told her son before she died: she actually didn’t like eating it. When I was a child, I was mostly moved by stories like this. But Huang Zhizhong pointed out sharply: What would you do if you were this child? Would you feel very guilty? There are really too many \”fish-head mothers\” like this, and bitter moral kidnapping can be seen everywhere in the parent-child relationship: I\’m not working so hard just for you. Without you, I would have divorced your father long ago, and I wouldn’t have to endure it until now. Forget it, just pretend that I have never raised a daughter like you. When I get old, I don’t expect you to raise her. I will live on my own. What many caregivers don\’t realize is that self-sacrificial giving includes expensive begging. What they are asking for is the child\’s obedience, guilt, and even a perfect child. When a child fails to meet ideal expectations, the victim will have a strong sense of grievance, and even worse, a feeling of being deceived and betrayed. What the victim wants is the child\’s guilt, what they ask for is the \”pain\” of a child. And this kind of pain has no meaning except reducing the child\’s energy, making the child feel powerless and self-blame, and pushing the parent-child relationship further and further away. Psychologist Cui Qinglong has a good saying: \”A healthy relationship does not require sacrifice in a situation that does not require sacrifice. When sacrifice occurs, you have already regarded yourself as a cost, and such a cost must include its secret demands. \”It\’s the equivalent.\” 2. \”It\’s okay, be generous.\” There are parents like this around who are committed to raising their children to be \”shaky\”. When the child falls, he immediately comforts him: It\’s okay, it doesn\’t hurt. When a child is bullied and complains to an adult, he is immediately told back: It’s just a trivial matter, don’t be the same as them. kids toysWhen they were snatched away by the neighbor\’s children, the adults looked indifferent: It\’s just a toy. We have a lot of them in our house. You have to be generous so that everyone will love to play with you. Parents who often encourage their children to be tolerant and generous always feel deeply proud that they have raised an independent, tolerant child. In fact, children raised in this way can easily become habitually suppressed or ignore their own feelings. But don’t forget that people are born with self-defense mechanisms. If you feel pain after falling, you need to express it to attract the attention of the outside world and allow others to give you more care. Only when you feel aggrieved after being bullied will you identify those who are unfriendly to you and avoid continuing to do more harm. Being angry when a toy is taken away is an instinctive reaction when one\’s self-boundary is violated… However, we often fall into the misunderstanding of using a child\’s ability to \”endure pain\” as a sign of the success of education. But this kind of education direction is tantamount to helping bad guys cultivate a group of prey who don\’t know how to fight back and are even willing to sacrifice themselves. Psychology expert Li Songwei in \”The Round Table School\” said: \”Those who are PUA are often those who have received higher education. Modern civilized higher education always tells people to break through their comfort zones and accept things that make people feel painful. \”Some people may ask, will it be easier for children to become selfish if they don\’t teach them this way? I have always believed that only those who know how to truly love themselves know how to love others. Seeing, understanding, and tolerating children\’s emotional problems allows children to truly empathize with the vulnerable parts of their hearts, and only then can they empathize with others as well as themselves. Therefore, blindly asking children to tolerate is really a low-level education method. Don\’t wait until your child suppresses his heart like a volcano, only to regret it the moment it erupts. There are no perfect people in this world, and there certainly is no perfect native family. We are always discussing issues related to the family of origin, not to blame anyone, nor to let everyone blame their family of origin and consider themselves unlucky. It is to help everyone find the crux of the problem, so that we can be better relieved, look forward bravely, and avoid passing on unhealthy patterns to the next generation. We can allow ourselves to make small mistakes in family relationships, and we don’t have to be too harsh on ourselves if we make mistakes. But we must understand what a healthy family parent-child relationship is, so that we can be aware of the problem in time, correct the error in time, and prevent the family\’s disease from developing to the point of no return. We often say that parenting is a spiritual practice! What you educate is your children, what you cultivate is yourself.