If you want your children to be safe from sexual assault, parents should learn 6 protective shields

A rape case that went viral on WeChat Moments In the past two days, the “Journalist raped an intern” incident on WeChat Moments has been all over the place. The whole story goes like this: On the afternoon of June 27, college student Xiaohui (pseudonym) asked for proof of her two-month internship at Nanfang Daily during the winter vacation of 2015. She approached her then instructor and Nanfang Daily reporter Cheng Xi. At that time, they had not contacted each other for half a year. Cheng Xi praised her for \”becoming more beautiful\” and invited her to chat in the coffee shop on the first floor of the newspaper office after issuing her internship certificate. Xiaohui thought that Cheng Xi would provide guidance on her news business, so she went to the appointment. During the conversation, Cheng Xi expressed his love to her. At that time, Xiaohui did not refuse sternly, so Cheng Xi invited her from the newspaper office to the road next to her. There were many restaurants there. Xiaohui thought the other party wanted to take her to eat, but the other party tricked her into taking out her ID card, grabbed them, and then went to an express hotel to book a room. After booking a room, Cheng Xi told Xiaohui the room number and asked her to go upstairs directly. Xiaohui hesitated, but finally followed. After entering, Cheng Xi locked the door and knocked Xiaohui down. At this point, the seduction was successful. Xiaohui then left and called the police after being persuaded by her friends. Some people accused this reporter of being hypocritical and sanctimonious. Some people say that this girl is too naive and has no sense of danger. But what I see from this incident is the lack of family education, especially sex education. She originally had three opportunities to leave the first time. After not seeing each other for half a year, she asked Xiaohui to go to a cafe and bluntly said that she was more beautiful than before and that she liked her. A keen girl should have noticed something was wrong by this time and could have made an excuse to leave. The second time, Xiaohui\’s ID card was snatched away on the street. This behavior was already very rough. If Xiaohui had shouted out or called her friends to help, the outcome would have been very different. The third time, the other party offered her a room and let her go up. She didn\’t have to go up. I believe that this famous reporter would not blatantly threaten him in public. It\’s a pity that the innocent Xiaohui lost to her own entanglement and hesitation in every opportunity. How to carry out neglected family sex education? Similar tragedies have happened more than once or twice. How can we educate children in life to reduce the occurrence of such incidents? 1. From the time a child can understand words, tell him that \”the parts covered by underwear cannot be touched by others.\” This is a cliché, but how many can do this? Those babies on the street wearing crotchless pants have their private parts open for everyone to see. Are the elders who dangle their underwear or shirtless in front of their children at home telling their children that \”when they grow up, they can be exposed casually\”? As an adult who constantly touches little boys’ penises, are you deliberately destroying your child’s privacy? Ever since Mr. Zhe was born, I have asked the baby\’s father to maintain an image at home. When Mr. Zhe was not weaned, I would never change my clothes in front of him. Parents are role models for our children. If we value privacy, our children will be affected in a subtle way. Now, what I often tell classmate Zhe is: the part covered by the underwear can only be touched by parents when taking a shower. Chatting with a friend who studied in Japan, I learned that in Japan not only children are taught from an early age not to expose their private parts, but they are also taught in publicWhen changing children\’s clothes in places such as swimming pools, boys and girls will not take off their clothes together like in China. If there is no separation board, every child will put on a small cloak after taking off his top, and then take off his underwear and put on another one. Swimming pants. Sex education in childhood also includes guiding children to understand their own bodies, answering their sexual questions openly and openly, so that children feel that sex is a very normal thing; boys should not wear girls’ clothes or use pink items. Girls should not dress too masculinely, and choose items that have girlish characteristics. 2. Don’t be alone with outsiders easily. This outsider includes anyone other than parents, grandparents, grandparents. Most sexual assaults or accidental injuries occur between acquaintances. The bad guys do not always look bad. On the contrary, they may be people who are usually gentle to you. When children have no ability to distinguish, parents must let their children understand that it is dangerous to be alone with outsiders. If they really cannot avoid the entanglement of outsiders, then they should place the conversation place in restaurants and cafes where more people are present. Places where people come and go, or places without walls such as playgrounds and squares. If your children are already in elementary or middle school, let them know that teachers are also dangerous. For example, when the teacher calls you to the office for a private lecture, if the teacher locks the door, it may mean that danger is coming. A neighbor girl in my hometown was seduced by her teacher and became pregnant in this way, and her adolescence was ruined. 3. Get along with your children as friends. Parents of our generation almost always have a standard parental attitude, exerting their authority from time to time: If you are criticized in school, it must be your fault, why don\’t you criticize others! It must be your fault if you fight with your classmates. Why doesn\’t he hit others? If something is lost, it must be your fault. Who told you not to put it away… The result is that we don\’t like to tell our parents anything, and it also blocks parent-child communication. Since having classmate Zhe, I especially hope that I can be a friend-type parent. After all, we cannot wait for our children at all times. As they grow older, we know more information from their teachers and classmates. Whether a child is willing to talk or not determines whether we have a comprehensive understanding of the child\’s thoughts and behaviors. In the parent-child relationship, I think the saddest thing is that the mother is the last to know when the child is hurt. 4. Yelling is not polite, but you must yell when necessary. We have taught our children that yelling is not polite since childhood, but as their judgment becomes stronger, we must encourage them to speak up. Like when they feel threatened. A child who cries is fed by milk. This saying is true to a certain extent. And when danger approaches, yelling can often give children a chance to be rescued. 5. Rejection is your right. I am a coward. I have never rejected others since I was a child. After all, being liked by more people is what many people pursue. After working for several years and reading a lot of books, I realized that \”saying \’no\’ is everyone\’s right. I don\’t need to think about pleasing everyone.\” I also slowly started to say \”no\” to things I didn\’t want to do. \”, and gradually stay away from people you don\’t like. So what Mr. Zhe doesn’t want to do is justIf it were not a matter of principle, I would allow him to make his own choice. Children who can make decisions for themselves and understand their own preferences will be more independent in the future. Chinese people generally lack a sense of boundaries, so when someone crosses their boundaries, they often take a step back. As the saying goes, \”a step back will open up the world\”! As time goes by, my limits get lower and lower, and even my legitimate needs are suppressed. Therefore, teaching children to say no is the first step in allowing them to build themselves up. 6. Pay attention to the cultivation of safety awareness in daily life. When children grow up and have their own social circle, parents should deliberately cultivate their safety awareness. For example, when gathering with friends, try to stay in groups when going home. When taking a taxi, take a regular taxi. If you take a taxi at night, write down the license plate number before getting in and send it to your relatives. For example, when traveling long distances, be sure not to eat food from strangers or drink water from strangers. For example, when going out alone, try not to watch the excitement or meddle in other people\’s business. Protecting yourself is the first priority. From the day a child is born, in a sense, every parent has become a \”novice\” who has just entered school. There is so much knowledge that we need to learn on the road to parenting. This process is very tiring, but thinking that the little person will be better nourished by it, all the tiredness turns into happiness, right? Text | Yan Han’s mother