If your child deliberately does something you don\’t let him do, you must punish him in this way to be effective and harmless.

Many early childhood experts recommend teaching children not to punish, but to allow children to experience the natural consequences of their behavior. But what if natural consequences come slowly, or at all? For example, when a child washes his feet, he thinks it\’s fun to splash water on the floor. Even if we explicitly tell him not to do this, he still can\’t help but splash the foot-washing water all over the floor. In this case, the child\’s behavior makes the parent very angry, but there appear to be no direct natural consequences for his behavior. We need to help children understand the connection between their actions and their consequences. If the child is disobedient, we need to give him some punishment to let him know the consequences of doing so, so that he can be more obedient in the future. These punishments usually target things the child cares about. If a child runs around in the supermarket, we can punish him not to watch cartoons at night. Or if he throws up sand in the playground, we take him home immediately. But the problem is that although these so-called logical consequences or punishments can immediately stop children\’s behavior, they may not teach them how to deal with problems correctly. The child simply stops the behavior temporarily, rather than truly understanding why it cannot do so and how to express itself in a more appropriate way. This is why many mothers will ask me in private messages that their children always grab toys or hit other children. Although we have tried many times of empathy education, the children still cannot change. This is because children have not yet learned how to deal with these problems, so they will still instinctively choose their own solution when a problem occurs. So, how to punish children effectively so that they avoid hurting them but also make them remember that this behavior is inappropriate? Parents must read carefully the method I will talk about below. This method is suitable for all parents’ troublesome child behavior problems. Take the parent message just mentioned as an example: the child always hits other children. The first step is to express our feelings clearly. If you are dissatisfied with your child\’s behavior, such as if they push someone or spill water on the ground, you can tell them directly: \”I don\’t like seeing people being pushed, and I don\’t like water on the ground.\” Doing this can clearly convey the message. How you feel. The advantage of this is that it avoids orders and threats, which often trigger natural rebellion in children. Of course, simply expressing strong feelings isn\’t enough to stop your child\’s behavior. Next, let’s talk about the second step, which is to let the children learn to make up for their own mistakes. For example, if your child has just hit another child, that child will feel pain and discomfort. At this time, we can guide the children to think about what they can do to make the other person feel better? Should you give the other person a piece of candy, or share your toy for a while? Making amends through such behavior is often much more effective than simply saying \”I\’m sorry.\” Then, we come to the third step, which is the correct method of punishment. We must remember that the original intention of our actions is to protect children, not simply to punish them. For example, we don’t say, “We’re leaving now because you hit another kid in the park.” Instead, we say, “We’re going home and come back next time because I’m too worried about having kids right now.”The child was injured again. \”Similarly, we don\’t say: \”It\’s too barbaric for you to play with cars, so you are not allowed to play with them.\” ” Instead he would say, “I’m going to take your car away now in case you crash it.” \”Although the two sentences sound similar, you should feel that the latter is expressed in a more positive and positive way. In the fourth step, let\’s talk about the most critical part – trying to solve the problem. Why is this part so important? Why is it important? Because it is the core link that can truly change a child\’s behavior. When a child\’s behavior is difficult to adjust, we first need to reflect on whether we have given the child the correct method when facing the problem. We should not just stop the child. Use your own way to solve the problem, but provide some feasible methods to let the children know what methods they can use to solve the problem. If the child is anxious to play on the slide, but the child in front slides slowly, the child will push the child in front if he wants to go faster. It\’s your turn. This is obviously not the right way to solve the problem. Of course, parents must stop this behavior, but it is not enough to stop it, because the child needs to know that there is a better way to deal with the situation. First, we must accept the child. Feelings. You can tell your child: \”You don\’t like to wait for a long time on the slide. The hesitation of the children in front is really annoying.\” \”Then, we need to guide the children to face the problem and make them realize that pushing people will cause harm, for example: \”If someone suddenly pushes you, you will be scared and hurt. \”Next, we can discuss solutions with our children. For example: \”Let\’s think about it, is there any way to make everyone have fun when playing on the slide, and no one gets hurt, no one cries, and no one is afraid? Or angry? \”Children may come up with various solutions at this time. We should pay attention to these ideas of children instead of giving our own answers directly. Then discuss together and choose a solution that everyone thinks is good. This not only It can make children feel respected and teach them how to solve problems. Then, we can write the selected solution on a piece of paper and stick it in a conspicuous place at home, such as on the refrigerator door or behind the door. Before the children are ready to take action, we can all review the plan together to ensure that the children remember the actions they want to take. After doing this several times, the children will not only improve their behavior, but they will also gradually develop the ability to think proactively when encountering problems. And the habit of working with parents to find solutions. Why don\’t I just use punishment? Because punishment seems to have an immediate effect and can make the child stop certain behaviors, but it does not help the child\’s long-term behavior change. Moreover, if the parents If they find that light punishments don\’t work, they will start to increase the punishment. But I don\’t need to say more about the impact of doing so on the children\’s psychological growth. Our original intention of educating children is to guide them to behave correctly and positively. Just to punish them. What we want is that the children can understand from their hearts why they are doing it, rather than having to do it because of fear of punishment. In this way, the children can truly learn to manage themselves and grow into responsible people.