If your child develops like this, you have surpassed at least 80% of parents.

A mother asked me: \”Teacher Mei, my son took a chicken blood sample for a few weeks before the biogeography exam, but he stopped completely after the exam. This summer vacation is mainly about playing the King of Kings (game), a little bit.\” If he doesn’t want to study, how can he keep his inner drive?” The mother who left the message was a mother of a junior high school student. I have written an article before to praise this mother and her father. They are both very attentive and thoughtful in education. , think of a way. This boy in her family is very similar to Qian Xiaoneng. He is physically and mentally healthy and loves sports, but he is also quite good. If he wants to study, he feels like he has been given a blood boost. He has to study hard for a while; if he is tired, or a certain subject does not go as expected in the exam. Okay, just lie down again. After a few days, the motivation to learn comes back to me, and I study harder for a while…the cycle repeats, a typical learning drive like intermittent psychosis. At this time, I want to ask this mother: Do you want a typical academic child, whose learning drive is always bursting out like a machine gun? Then I have to say, if you really expect this, you may be delusional at the moment! If your child does not have the physique of a natural academic master like 2% of the population, it is worthy of congratulations if you can raise your child to the current situation. You have surpassed 80% of parents. What kind of parents? It can give children proper love and security, and inject them with the courage and energy to explore themselves and the world, with freedom and boundaries. I once reprinted an article from the public account \”Puberty Handbook\” Orange Mom. We are heroes and have similar views on this issue. She said that if a child has the following two things, it means that we have raised the child well. What two points? First: Children have a certain inner drive and can love life and actively embrace life no matter what the circumstances. Second: The relationship between children and parents is rich in layers and flexible. That is to say, the parent-child relationship starts from love, and it also expresses such love, rather than slandering and attacking \”in the name of love.\” This is so down-to-earth! Over the years, I have studied family education and worked hard to raise children. What I have gradually come to realize is that ordinary people are where they end up! It is not easy for a child to live a little different, achieve a little bit, love life, live in the present, live happily, and be motivated to learn from time to time. This requires not only the children\’s personal efforts, but also our long-term creation of a good family environment. A few days ago, I had an interview with a psychology teacher from a key middle school in Beijing (she is also a loyal reader of mine). Our educational philosophies are very consistent. She told me that there are about 400 students in the third grade of the new high school in her school, and 25 of them have severe depression. Some students have been suspended from school to varying degrees, but are now able to return to school. Their parents have made it clear to the school: \”Don\’t worry about us.\” The child’s study is all about showing us graduation.” I was particularly shocked when I heard this. You know, this is a very good school, and the school pays more attention to the mental health of children. There are three to four hundred people, 25 students. How many children are severely depressed, have other mild depression, are tired of studying, have anxiety disorders, depression, anorexia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder, and self-mutilation? In a world where unemployment is rising and uncertainty is growingIn this world, because of worries about the future of our children, we as parents are too easily anxious and too easily kidnapped and coerced by the outside world. Once we continue to reflect our anxiety on our children, they will inevitably develop various growth problems. In parenting, high goals are poison! I think we should take the lead in lowering our expectations, soothe our own hearts and emotions, then recognize our children\’s situation clearly, and then calmly face various problems. High anxiety can really make people irrational and make many or even big mistakes. There are really very few children whose self-growth is always higher than our expectations. Most children\’s growth rate is lower than their parents\’ expectations. We need to learn and self-correct, we need to endure, we need to endure, and we need to wait. Since Qian Xiaoneng was in elementary school, I have been doing all kinds of studies, practices, and adjustments. It wasn’t until he entered high school that I felt, oops! My efforts are not in vain. I have a certain inner drive, I think about the meaning of life from time to time, I have certain actions, and I have an unfocused goal. Although the goal is clear and blurred sometimes, and it is not very firm, it doesn\’t matter! I still think his life has endless possibilities. Anyway, I will accept whatever you do in the future, as long as it is legal. Back to the beginning of this article, let’s look at it now. Isn’t this just an ordinary child with good physical and mental health and good development? He does not have strong and clear learning goals and life goals like a top student. He is a bit playful, often lazy, has poor self-control, and is susceptible to various temptations. But don’t forget, he keeps making mistakes, and he will keep correcting them! Children hope that we can truly treat them as independent \”people\” and that their feelings, thoughts and needs can be seen, understood and respected by parents and teachers. But unfortunately, parents and teachers often hope that they will become \”machines\” that obey, study hard, and get high scores. Everything revolves around scores and admission to higher schools, and they always forget that they are real people. As a result, educational problems always arise. Thinking about our own growth process, is it true that only a very small number of people understand what kind of person they are when they are teenagers? Is it true that only a very small number of people have their own life goals in their teens and continue to work hard for them? Most of us gradually awaken from a state of chaos and gradually recognize our own direction. Believe me, as long as our education route is generally good and there are no major deviations, I think every ordinary child will gradually know himself! Don\’t be anxious. The more anxious you are, the more you care about other people\’s children, and you will be prone to anxiety. Anxiety will make it easier to go astray.