If your child has low self-esteem, it may be because you love in the wrong way

A few days ago, a well-known blogger on Weibo initiated a topic discussion – \”What kind of harm did adults do to you when you were a child.\” This topic immediately attracted the attention and heated discussion of a large number of netizens: \”Always say\” I\’m your mother, and if I say no, I can\’t!\” I always tell others my embarrassing things as a joke, and I\’m still there. The sarcasm and ridicule of those who think they are provocative are the most unacceptable to me. We really can’t instill the idea of ​​poverty from childhood. That kind of inferiority complex is difficult to overcome when you grow up, no matter how hard you try. You are a child, what do you know? When you look through the comments, you will be surprised to find that there are many comments like this. Among the hot comments, many people mentioned that the hurt they suffered when they were young often came from their closest parents, and these hurts linger in their memories. Eventually it evolved into the inferior and cowardly part of the character. Poor parents in the world, I believe there is no parent who does not love their children, but if you think about it carefully, when the children are most emotionally sensitive and vulnerable, some unintentional actions or inappropriate methods of the parents have become the consequences of the children. The key factor in character becoming inferior and cowardly. Intentional counter-incentives may destroy children\’s self-confidence. My friend Xiaoyuan likes to draw. In the blank spaces of her notepad, she often has small cartoons that she sketches. Although her writing skills are not as mature as those of cartoonists, she sincerely considers them to be drawings. Not bad. But whenever someone praises her paintings, she always replies: \”It\’s too far behind. No matter how much you practice, it won\’t help. Painting requires talent.\” Xiaoyuan told us about her experience: She was very special when she was a child. I like to draw. Whenever I have time, I will pick up a paintbrush and immerse myself in my own world. Once, she invited two good friends to paint at home. When Xiaoyuan\’s mother came to deliver fruit, she stopped and looked at it for a while, and then said to Xiaoyuan: \”Xiaoyuan, look at her paintings. , why don’t your paintings look alike? Come on and learn from others.” Xiaoyuan immediately lost her composure when she heard her mother denying her painting in front of the children. Of course, Xiaoyuan would still paint secretly when she was alone. However, every time she completed a piece of work, she always felt that the painting did not look like it, or even ugly, so she threw it away angrily. Later, when Xiaoyuan\’s mother was tidying up Xiaoyuan\’s room, she saw a lot of crumpled drawing paper in the wastebasket. She shook her head helplessly and said, \”Drawing requires talent. Since you can\’t draw well, you should draw less in the future.\” Don\’t delay your serious studies.\” Later, Xiaoyuan really didn\’t draw much anymore, although she still likes to draw as always. Xiaoyuan\’s experience made me deeply regretful. I wanted to tell her that one cannot judge whether a person has talent for painting by looking alike. Moreover, the most powerful support for success comes largely from persistence and love. But it\’s useless to say more. From the moment she gave up painting as a child, she was no longer confident in her paintings. We can\’t blame Xiaoyuan\’s mother. She didn\’t mean to ridicule her daughter, nor was she blindly denying her daughter. It can be seen that she just wanted to use reverse motivation to stimulate her daughter\’s painting potential. However, this kind of reverse incentive may not always achieve positive results. Not all children react badly when you say something bad about themI will do a good job for you to see, and you will work hard when you complain that life is not easy. Some children, once they form a negative self-perception, will lack self-confidence when doing anything in the future. Some shortcomings are like scars. They will heal if you don\’t expose them, but they will hurt if you expose them. No one is perfect. Everyone has some shortcomings more or less. Of course, children are not perfect. Angel. A child may have poor math scores, causing his parents to lose face at the parent-teacher meeting, and the parents will criticize angrily: \”This test is so simple, and yet you are stupid enough to only take such a small score. How embarrassing for me!\” So, Every time the parent-teacher conference comes in the future, the child will be extremely nervous, as if facing a powerful enemy, no matter whether his performance is bad or good. A child may stutter, and parents will anxiously say to everyone: \”My child always stutters, what should I do if he continues to stutter in the future?\” Therefore, the more anxious the child is, the harder it becomes to speak fluently, and some children will become more fluent even in the future. I no longer stutter, and I probably don’t dare to say much. The child may have soiled his clothes while playing with other children one day, and the parent will sternly preach: \”You must understand my hard work and stop being so ignorant!\” Therefore, every time the child goes out to play, he does not dare to behave like other children. Children are having fun like that, but they are cautious, falling behind, and slowly becoming less gregarious. Some children may be born into families that are not wealthy, and their parents often instill in their children the concepts of \”we are poor\” and \”poor people have short ambitions\”. As a result, children have been bound by this innate view of poverty since they were young, thinking that I am destined to be inferior to others. On the contrary, if your child does not do well in math, then praise your child\’s perfect composition and work together to find ways to solve math problems; if your child stutters, then tell more stories and practice reading aloud with him. When he says no, When you speak and become anxious, encourage him to take his time; if your child is naughty and soils his clothes, take the opportunity to teach your child to clean the clothes and make him independent; if your family is in a difficult situation, work with your child to face up to poverty and change it. Wouldn\’t it be better to do this? There is no need for parents to infinitely magnify their children\’s shortcomings and mention them repeatedly to cover up other shining areas of their children. What parents need to do is to guide them gently and not let these shortcomings hinder their children\’s future, and not let the inferiority complex caused by these shortcomings trouble their children\’s life. Opinions and opinions that are ignored will evolve into the illusion that \”my thoughts and feelings are not important.\” I once watched a TV show. The guests participating in the show were a group of people with different identities and ages. They formed several groups. Different, cooperate with each other to complete each link of the game. There is a question and answer session where you answer designated questions after watching a short video. The video introduces the Swiss \”national treasure\” Saint Bernard dogs. They are the most capable assistants to lifeguards in the Swiss Alps. They have rescued many victims in the snowy mountains and are called \”animal rescue heroes.\” The St. Bernard dog in the video is tall but has a naive face. A small wooden barrel with a red cross logo is hung around its neck all year round. After the video was played, the host asked each group of guests to answer a question. The question was what was in the small barrel under the neck of the Saint Bernard dog. The time to answer the question was a little bit.As time went by, each group of guests held a small discussion internally, and finally gave what they thought was the correct answer. Some groups said it was water, some said it was food, and some said it was first aid medicine. However, the answer announced by the host was – strong liquor, and explained that the reason for pretending to be strong liquor was to let the frozen victims on the snowy mountains drink it, so as to use the alcohol to ward off the cold. Unfortunately, no group got the correct answer. At this time, a member of one of the groups explained that a teenage girl in the group once said during the discussion that the small wooden barrel contained spirits, but the group members did not pay attention to the child. opinions, and I never thought of using her opinions as the correct answer as a reference. It has been a long time since I watched this show. I can no longer remember the name of the show. I have even completely forgotten other scenes in the show, but the scene that happened in this segment is still fresh in my memory. Perhaps many parents often say things like this intentionally or unintentionally: \”Children should not interrupt when adults are talking!\”, \”This is an adult\’s business, what do children know?\” It is true that adults and children are like two worlds. One has rich experience and the other is unfamiliar with the world, but this does not mean that the child\’s opinions or emotions about things have no effect and can be ignored. In life, there are many people who seem to be easy-going and non-competitive, and they always play the role of \”you decide\” in the crowd. However, such people are destined not to be the protagonists of life. They accept the situation and go with the flow. The self-esteem and opinions that should be part of their character have been suppressed by their inner inferiority. It’s not that they don’t have their own opinions. Maybe they have novel ideas and beautiful blueprints in their minds, and a giant ship of 10,000 tons sails by. But in the eyes of others, they are always followers of decisions, as silent as a sailboat, no matter which way the wind blows. Blow, and that\’s where they go. A large part of the formation of this kind of character stems from the fact that when they were young, their emotions were not taken seriously, their opinions on things were not recognized, and their inner cries were drowned in the noisy worldview of adults. Gradually, They themselves will say: \”My opinions and feelings are not important. You are all right. I just listen.\” Once a person\’s inferiority complex is formed, it is very likely that they will never be able to get rid of it for the rest of their lives. They are often good at pretending. , seems to be walking with head held high, but the road under his feet is full of humble dust. As a parent who loves your children, what you can do is to clearly see and value your children\’s spiritual bottom line. If you want to make your children confident and strong, please carefully protect their inner softness.