If your child has no motivation to learn, it’s really because you are too busy!

I have found that behind too many middle school students who are unmotivated in their studies, there is a mother who is desperately worried about their studies. The child in the first grade of junior high school only took one monthly test, and his math score dropped a lot. The mother hired a tutor for the child without consulting the child. Children in the third grade of junior high school have to take art and music examinations, and their mothers are constantly reminding their children of the dates and times of the examinations and preparing preparation materials for them. The child in the second year of high school is a little depressed because he failed in the mid-term exam. Even though he has made it clear that he does not want his mother to take care of him, his mother is still impatient to do ideological work for his child, looking for teachers and counselors to help him. …These mothers will basically say to me: I am anxious, but the child is not anxious at all, does not seem to feel the need to solve this problem, has no motivation at all, and the child will shrink back when encountering something. Of course they will shrink back, because the child\’s internal drive has been exhausted by the parents who \”crossed the line\”. Think about it, if a child originally needs to do something, he also has the ability to do it, or is about to acquire some ability through this thing. At this time, the parents suddenly appear, cut through the mess quickly, and get the matter done. . What\’s more, after some parents take over their duties, they will blame their children: Look at you, why can\’t you do this, and you still have to do it? The impulse that was about to burn in the children\’s hearts suddenly has nowhere to go, and they will be confused: Is this what parents want to do? Doesn’t it turn out that I don’t need to take the initiative to complete it? Growth comes from every little impulse in life. When you invade your child\’s growth space, you are extinguishing these impulses. If a child has been depressed because he failed in a certain exam and was criticized by the teacher, he will have an impulse in his heart: I don’t want to be criticized, I want to adjust my learning methods, work harder, and pay attention next time. Do well in the exam. However, when you see that your child has not done well in the exam, you quickly help him analyze the problem, quickly find a teacher to make up lessons, and arrange everything for the child. The child will be numb in this process, and there will be no ripples in his heart. . Because all the mental journeys have been taken away by parents and experienced on their behalf. He won\’t think that failing to do well in the exam is anything worth worrying about, because his parents can always take care of things perfectly. Parents have no sense of boundaries, frequently cross the boundaries, and treat their children\’s affairs as their own affairs to arrange, manage or plan, which will weaken their children\’s enthusiasm. From the child\’s perspective, this matter is not his own business, but his parents\’ business. Since it\’s not his business, why is he anxious? Mom and dad will naturally be anxious, and the result is that if the parents push, the child will move, but if they don\’t push, the child won\’t move. This situation of overtaking starts from the first grade of elementary school until the child enters middle school. Do you think such a child can still have a strong motivation to learn? Only when a child feels even a slight conflict, contradiction and pain in his heart about something, and he takes the initiative to face the problem, will he be able to grow through the process of solving the problem. If parents take the initiative to solve and settle any problems as soon as they arise, then everything will beChildren have no inspiration, education, or growth. Many mothers said to me: They are always anxious, but their children are not anxious and like to retreat. Because he had no choice but to retreat. He may have longed for the wind, but his mother had closed all the windows and said: It\’s better now, he won\’t catch a cold anymore. Gradually, he stopped looking outside at all. He had a mother anyway. At this point, the boundaries have been completely destroyed. Do you understand this process? Mom is too proactive and frequently crosses the line, so symbiosis is the norm. Mothers often use their own ideas as their children\’s ideas and replace their children\’s will with their own will. As time goes by, the child\’s own spiritual life continues to suffer, and the internal drive is gone. When a person\’s inner drive is gone, he will procrastinate, be inactive, habitually shrink from things, and may even \”regress\” after experiencing major events. Many of the middle school students I take care of have dropped out of school and gone home to lie down after encountering some setbacks. I can find that behind them there is a mother who habitually \”crosses the line.\” Human beings are born with autonomy and internal motivation, which, like hunger and thirst, are human instincts. However, not everyone is lucky enough to have enough rights to growth, experience, and space to allow autonomy and internal drive to grow naturally. If parents have no sense of boundaries and \”reside\” in the space that belongs to their children, they will infringe and deprive their children of their right to experience and grow, and their innate autonomy and internal drive will be slowly erased. Therefore, for parents, they should often remind themselves – don\’t cross the boundary again, just keep the boundary.