If your child has these 3 signs, it means you are really too lenient.

There is this passage in \”The Courage to Be Disliked\”: \”Basically, all conflicts in interpersonal relationships are caused by interference in other people\’s issues or interference in one\’s own issues by others. As long as issues can be separated, interpersonal relationships will be better. Huge changes have taken place.\” Even if it is a close parent-child relationship, we must consciously separate the subjects. However, in real life, many parents cannot help but interfere or even take on the responsibilities of their children. The problems of their children have not diminished, but have increased in number, and the parents themselves are also living a very hard life in raising them. We often hear many parents complain that their children are not easy to worry about. Several adults are taking care of their children alone, and they are all too busy. In fact, it’s not that the children don’t worry, it’s that we don’t. Under the influence of this kind of \”worry\” mentality, we unknowingly suffer ourselves and cruelly deprive our children of their sense of control over their lives. If your child has these 3 signs, it means that you are really too lenient. Sign 1: Study and life are too dependent on adult supervision. If adults control too much, the most obvious manifestation of the child is: as long as you are not around, the child will be \”unbehaved\”. For example, if you come home from get off work on time and urge your children to do their homework, your children will be able to complete it on time. But as long as you work overtime today and come home late, your child will never consciously sit at the desk and read a book while you are working overtime. Another example: You usually control the time your child spends playing mobile phones very strictly, but if your family is particularly busy today and you have no time to pay attention to what your child is doing, he will hide in the corner and play games secretly, trying not to attract your attention. . These over-controlled children gradually lose their ability to manage themselves. Without parental heterodiscipline, children also lose self-discipline. Originally, children could do something well according to the regulations and feel a sense of self-fulfillment. However, due to adults\’ \”control\”, children feel a sense of pressure and coercion, and they cannot gain any sense of accomplishment from it. When children are under too much control, their subjectivity becomes passive. Finally, the child becomes so dependent on your intervention in his life that he has to take orders from you and has no chance of developing spontaneous, responsible behavior. However, children\’s desires that are suppressed by adults are only temporarily hidden. Once there are no external restrictions, it is easy to gradually lose control. There is a friend around me whose family conditions were quite good when she was a child, but her parents were very strict about their children\’s spending and rarely gave her pocket money. Every day after school, she would be envious when she saw her classmates buying snacks and toys at the stalls. When she grew up and became independent, she began to seek material satisfaction with a vengeance. She often bought a lot of clothes and shoes, so many that she could never wear them all and piled them up in the cabinet. This was a kind of retaliatory compensation in childhood. This phenomenon actually stems from parents controlling too much. Unfortunately, children do not ultimately develop a rational understanding of consumption. In other words, if you control your children too strictly, it may only work for a while, but without your supervision, it will return to the same state. Sign 2: Poor hands-on ability and fragile heart. The book \”How to Make Children Adults and Adults\” writes that cultivating children\’s abilities is divided into the following four steps: ◆ In the first step, we do it for you. ◆ In the second step, we will work with youStart doing it. ◆ Step three, we watch you do it. ◆ Step 4, you complete it independently. But in real life, many parents do not advance from the first step to the second step in time, resulting in their children failing to develop various abilities in life. I once read a story: A junior high school teacher discovered that the eggs in the recycled breakfast boxes were not eaten by the students at all. Only a few children peeled the eggs and ate them. After he handed the eggs back to the students, he found that many of them couldn\’t peel the eggs at all. Why does this happen? Peeling eggs is not easy for children. When a child peels an egg for the first time, the egg will often be peeled into pits, and there may even be a lot of broken eggshells left on the egg. At this time, the adult couldn\’t stand it anymore: \”Stop it, I\’ll peel it for you.\” So, peeling the egg failed for the first time. It may be the same situation the second time. After that, you will find that the children begin to wait for the adults to peel them before eating them, and the knowledge that \”eggs cannot be peeled\” is accepted by the children. Over-parenting by parents is most likely to result in children who can’t do anything. Many parents have a misunderstanding. They always think that if they do more for their children when they are young, the children will naturally do it themselves when they grow up. The fact is, however, that children do not magically acquire all life skills on the day they turn 18. The ability to live needs to be exercised. A child who lacks the ability to live will become increasingly fragile inside. There is a very simple and easily overlooked way to raise a mentally healthy child, and that is: let the child try to solve the problem on his own. In this way, he can develop confidence in his own abilities, and he will not collapse so easily when he faces various difficulties and challenges alone. Don\’t do things for your child that he can try to do so that he can break away from us and grow into an independent adult. The child will leave home one day, and before that, he needs to prepare for his future life. Sign 3: Frequent confrontation with parents There is a saying that goes well: \”Rebellion comes from resistance to restraints and restrictions.\” Excessive \”control\” by parents can also easily lead to confrontational behavior in children. There are many kinds of confrontational behaviors: For example, some children feel too much discipline pressure from their parents. They may not directly express their dissatisfaction with words, but choose to fight against their parents with a behavior that is not easy to detect, such as Drag and grind. This is a stealth attack on parents. On the surface, procrastinating children never dare to disobey their dominant parents\’ demands, not to cry or talk back, but they make repeated mistakes in their behavior without any change. The specific performance is: the more anxious you are, the slower I will be. Let me see what you can do. This is one of the reasons why many parents with impatient personalities have slow-moving children. Some children choose to rebel against their parents in a more violent way. Common reactions include frontal counterattacks, talking back, crying, throwing things, and even violent behaviors such as running away from home. Teacher Zhao Yuping from the \”Hundred Forums\” program told such a story: A boy in the third grade of junior high school walked out of his room to drink water. His mother who was mopping the floor asked casually: \”Son, have you finished your homework?\” When the child heard this, he became furious: \”Ask, ask, what to ask, you will know to ask all day long! AgainIf you ask me if I don’t want to write anymore, please stop worrying about me! \”For a moment, the mother felt very aggrieved. The next day, Zhao Yuping talked to the boy and found out that the mother would urge the child to study every day, and even asked him several times a day. There is no such question about whether the homework is finished: If the child answers: It is finished. A Complete Collection of Parenting Communication Skills Allows \”Stupid\” Children to Go to Prestigious Schools Electronic Version Download Mom would say: \”Sit on the sofa in a daze after finishing writing?\” Wouldn\’t you like to study a few more exercises and memorize a few words? Every time I push you and you move, are you trying to learn from me? \”If the answer is \”I haven\’t finished writing,\” my mother will still say: \”If you haven\’t finished writing, just hurry up and write. With such a bad attitude towards learning, who can you deserve? \”Every child hopes to have more choices. If parents always do what the child wants to do, his heart will be full of oppression and resistance, and he will start to use Violent action to resist. Many parents often complain: Why does the more I control my child, he does not change, but I become more and more tired. Because most of the child\’s time is spent on how to resist their parents. When you express calmly and decisively When it comes to opinions and attitudes, appropriately empower your child to make him feel good about himself, and your child will be more likely to listen to you. Patience, understanding and respect should be the tone of communication between parents and children. The growth of your child requires both management and To let go, I hope every parent can grasp the degree of control.