If your child is beaten, please tell him to \”hit him back\”

I once saw a news: A child named Xiao Yao kicked a little boy in the head twice while playing games in an English training class. The teacher did not stop him in time, and the boy\’s mother happened to see him. It is said that this was not the first time that the boy was beaten by Xiao Yao, and the mother mentioned it to the teacher more than once, but the teacher always thought that \”it is normal for children to fight and fight\” and did not take it seriously. So this time, the boy\’s mother chose to hold his hand and hit Xiao Yao, teaching the child to \”hit him back.\” Xiao Yao\’s father said that the child was just playing around and had no ill intentions. He accused the mother of why she didn\’t communicate with adults and had to beat her child back in public? Image source: \”Minions with Big Eyes\” This incident sparked a heated discussion on the Internet, and netizens almost unanimously supported the mother. It is indeed inappropriate to pull a child to hit another child in public, but there is nothing wrong with telling the child \”learn to protect yourself when necessary.\” We always think that it is normal for children to have small frictions and conflicts. It is their unique way of interacting and is something that children will inevitably experience as they grow up. There is no need for parents to get too involved. Image source: \”The Legend of Mi Yue\” So we always tell our children that \”hitting is wrong.\” But for the child who is being bullied, we should also tell him: If someone bullies you, tell him loudly \”no\”. If he continues to attack, then put on your armor and \”fight back\” bravely. Don\’t be too cold to frostbite others, and don\’t be too warm to burn yourself. Image source: \”Sunny\” When we were young, our parents always taught us that suffering is blessing and that we should endure everything. However, some things will really leave a shadow of childhood if you don\’t fight back at the time. Writer Bo Bonnie once shared her experience of being bullied as a child. She said that when she was in elementary school, during a physical education class, a boy hit her on the head with a basketball in front of the whole class, but she did not fight back bravely. From that day on, the boy and his clique bullied her in every gym class. She once again weakly chose not to attend gym class to escape. Image source: \”Stars on Earth\” The \”Matthew Effect\” also exists in children\’s world, that is, the strong become stronger and the weak become weaker. The more forbearing and silent you are, the more you will become the target of bullying. Later, the situation became so serious that she did not even dare to attend physical education classes in middle school or college, and she would feel ashamed if she did exercise in front of others. Years later, when others accidentally mentioned this past incident, she still burst into tears. She said: What’s more terrifying than the temporary physical pain and spiritual humiliation is that I will continue to live with this humiliating memory until I become a truly weak person and become a person who will always be in a new environment. People who carry the stigma of \”I\’m easy to bully\”. Image source: \”Alice in Wonderland 2\” If you could turn back time, you must tell your little self: Go back! Prove to the boy who bullied me, and prove to my little self: I am not a weak person. Not hurting others is a kind of education, and protecting yourself from harm is a kind of aura. We need education, and more importantly, the aura of \”I won\’t offend others unless they offend me, and I will offend others if they offend me.\” In the movie \”American Sniper\”,When the male protagonist was young, he saw his younger brother being bullied and unceremoniously chose to fight back. His father told him: People in the world can be divided into three categories: sheep, wolves and shepherd dogs. Some people believe that evil does not exist. When evil comes, they do not know how to protect themselves. These people are sheep. Then the predators appeared, they used violence and preyed on the weak, these people were wolves. There is also a type of people who have strong attack power and the instinct to protect sheep. They are rare people who can fight against wolves. This type of people are sheepdogs. Image source: \”Zootopia\” We don\’t need sheep in our house. If you turn into a wolf, I will beat you to pieces. I hope you are sheepdogs and protect yourselves. If someone wants to hit you, or bully your brother, I give you permission to do your best to solve it! Psychologist Li Xue wrote in \”When I Meet Someone\”: Childhood is a process of experiencing various spontaneous experiences, including warm support and understanding, as well as fierce verbal conflicts. Laughter and curses constitute all aspects of childhood. Conflict is one of the inevitable experiences in the course of life and a manifestation of the tension in a child\’s life. In conflicts, children will learn to regulate their emotions, express themselves, and learn to get along better with others and the world. Image source: \”Sunny\” Fighting back is a way of survival for children. When actor Liao Fan was once asked, \”Do you want to hit your child back if he was beaten?\”, he chose to let the child hit him back. He bluntly said that in the world of children, choosing to fight back is a way of survival and a solution. My husband once told me a story from when he was a child. When my husband was a little fat boy, he was always laughed at and bullied by three or four boys in the class. He had extremely low self-esteem and often had nightmares at night. He looked forward to having Doraemon help him like Nobita, but he has never been so lucky. He told his parents, who said it was normal for boys to fight and fight, and they could just tolerate everything. He told the teacher that the teacher asked the boys to apologize to him, but the matter did not resolve and instead intensified. Picture source: \”Forrest Gump\” Then one day, the boy sitting in the back row took away the stool while he was not paying attention, causing him to sit on the ground and fall painfully. Just when the whole class was laughing as usual, he decided to fight back and rushed up to fight with the boy. From then on, no one in the class bullied him anymore. He began to become more confident, and his relationship with his classmates became friendly. He also became good buddies with the classmates who once bullied him. Nowadays, my husband often teaches his daughter to get along well with her classmates, but not to tolerate bullying all the time, to learn to ask for help, and to learn to \”fight back\” to protect herself when necessary. Image source: \”Yangtze River No. 7\” is not about winning, but about showing one\’s attitude. Tell others: Just because I don\’t like to take action doesn\’t mean that I can be bullied at will, nor does it mean that I don\’t have the ability to protect myself. Tell yourself: I am not a weak person. We believe that children have the wisdom to fight back. We often worry that if we tell our children to fight back, will they lose their sense of proportion? Will it inadvertently teach children the solution of \”fighting violence with violence\”? Children\’s world is like a microcosm of the adult world. They will learn how to communicate with others through interaction., in the face of some small conflicts, they are far wiser and more tolerant than we think. Is the other person joking with me, trying to get close to me, or really trying to bully me? Children have their own judgment. If you are really bullied, should you seek help from your parents or fight back yourself? Where and how hard you should fight? Children also have their own wisdom. Once I took my daughter to play in the playground and had a lot of fun. Suddenly a little boy ran over and snatched the little duck toy in her hand. When his daughter refused to give it to him, he slapped her on the face. Seeing that the daughter he held in his hands had suffered so much, the anger in his heart rose up. Unexpectedly, my daughter got ahead of me and kicked the boy decisively back. The child has her own wisdom and did not hit the boy\’s face, head or other easily injured places because I had told her before: You can fight back when necessary, but don\’t intentionally hurt others. Your fight back is telling him, \”I\’m not someone to be bullied.\” In recent years, incidents of \”school violence\” and \”sexual assault\” have been exposed, and I was worried that my daughter would not be able to protect herself. But that day, I was really happy to see her, who is usually weak, being able to fight back decisively and wisely after being bullied. Parents provide appropriate guidance and do not need to worry about everything. The book \”Accepting Children\” writes: \”Conflict\” is a valuable opportunity for children to learn social rules. Parents can use these opportunities to let their children practice their abilities to express themselves, be considerate of each other, solve problems, express gratitude and apology, and get along well with each other through demonstration and guidance. At this moment, parents should focus on their children\’s feelings and not worry about whether their children are \”bullied\”, let alone get serious with the other parent. In April 2017, in the children\’s play area of ​​AEON Mall in Hangzhou, a little girl about 4 years old accidentally stepped on a little boy over 1 year old while playing on the slide. The boy himself didn’t have much reaction, but the boy’s mother emotionally asked the little girl to apologize to her son. The little girl was so frightened that she crawled into her mother’s arms. The boy standing nearby was also frightened by his mother\’s roaring look and cried loudly. Mother\’s strong intervention only amplified the conflict and made things worse. Teacher Yin Jianli wrote in \”A Good Mother is Better than a Good Teacher\”: If parents do not worry about interpersonal interactions, children will naturally learn to be open-minded; if parents step forward at critical moments and resolve disputes bravely and appropriately, children can also learn this. aspects of wisdom. Tell your children: Know how to protect yourself and stay kind. In the picture book \”Coward Willy\”, Willy is a kind but a little timid and inferior gorilla. He habitually says \”I\’m sorry\” to others, even if it is not his. wrong. When gangsters bullied him on the street, he would say \”I\’m sorry\” to them while being beaten, and was ridiculed as a \”coward.\” Picture source: Picture book \”Coward Willy\” Willy was in great pain inside and looked forward to becoming stronger. Later, Willy ate nutritious meals, jogged, learned boxing, and exercised, and gradually became stronger and stronger. When he saw gangsters bullying his companions on the street, Willy would stand up. Picture source: Picture book \”Coward Willy\” Willy, who has become stronger, protects himself and others, and likes himself more and more. But inWhen he accidentally bumps into a street light, he will still say \”I\’m sorry\” in a cute way, and he is still kind at heart. My child, even if you become stronger, remember to remain kind. As a line from the movie \”Wonder Boys\” reads: If you have to choose between being right and being kind, you must choose kindness. Image source: \”Miracle Boy\” Children, if someone hits you, please fight back bravely in your own way, protect yourself, and tell yourself and the other person: \”I am not a weak person.\” Facing this imperfect world, I hope you can be a shepherd dog with a \”soft and principled heart, armor and warmth\”. Protect yourself, don\’t gain an inch, and don\’t lose a hair.