I\’m divorced, should I tell my children?

A mother asked me: \”My husband and I are divorced. Should I tell my children?\” \”Of course you should tell your children! He is an important member of the family and he has the right to know.\” I said. \”But he is still a child, and I am afraid of hurting him.\” The mother said awkwardly. \”Just because he is a child, what he needs most is trust. If you hide it from him, he will know it sooner or later. When he learns from others that his parents have divorced, and that his father has not gone abroad, but has broken up with his mother, His feeling will be: Mom cheated on me, Mom doesn’t trust me. Only then did you really hurt him, and his reaction will be strong, and he will even hate you.\” \”If you tell him calmly, Mom and Dad The relationship was not good and living together was very painful, so we broke up. Legally speaking, it is called divorce. Although you are awarded to your mother, your father is still your father. He will give you monthly alimony. You can still go to your father during holidays. Play at home, so you have two homes.\” \”When the child understands the truth, he will feel relaxed. He lives at his mother\’s house on weekdays and at his father\’s house on Saturdays and Sundays. He finds it fun and is not harmed.\” The woman said \”yes\” in succession. Finally, I told her: \”Don\’t say anything bad about his father in front of his children. Remember: Those who sow hatred will reap hatred.\” When Obama was a child, his parents divorced. His father is an alcoholic, but his mother has always maintained his father\’s image and told Obama that his father was a great black hero. In Obama\’s heart, he admires his father very much and thinks that his father is a hero. It is the seed of this \”hero\” that cultivated the contemporary black president of the United States. In today\’s real society, there are more and more divorced families. I have been to some schools and found that 30% of children have divorced parents. This fact must be faced by our children and cannot be avoided. If you have a positive attitude, this is no big deal. Once, I went to a middle school to give a lecture to the second grade students. I told them: Life will not be calm or smooth sailing. There will definitely be storms, changes, and even misfortunes. We must face it positively. Pain is a part of life. This is an unquestionable fact. It is inevitable. Only by accepting it will it not cause harm to you. Just worrying won\’t help, so don\’t get worried. There are two worlds in the human heart, one is \”too good\” and the other is \”too bad\”. If you follow \”too good\”, you will enter a bright world; if you follow \”too bad\”, you will You will go into an abyss of pain. I told them a story: There was a woman named Siluman who went to the desert to find her husband. Her husband was ordered to a military base near the desert. While her husband went off to the desert for drills, she was left alone in the cabin. It was very hot there. Although there were cacti to shade the heat, the temperature was still around 50℃, and there was not even a single person talking. The scene was almost miserable. Unable to bear it, she wrote a letter to her parents explaining her intention to go back. Her father wrote back to her, but there were only two lines of words. These two lines of words made her change her attitude towards life: When two prisoners looked out of the bars, one of them looked at the letter.What one sees is the mud on the ground, while one sees the stars in the sky. Siluman said: \”I read these two sentences over and over again and felt very sorry for myself, so I decided to find a good way for myself to gaze at the stars. First of all, I became good friends with the indigenous people in the area. When I paid attention to them, they gave me knitting and pottery as gifts, and taught me the characteristics of plants such as cacti and yuccas. It is even said that shells from millions of years ago can be found here.” What was the force that made Siluman change? The desert here has not changed, and the personality of the Indians has not changed. What has changed is Siluman\’s mentality. She regards her miserable life experience as a surprising adventure. Through the stimulation of the new world, her attitude towards life becomes serious. Later, she wrote a novel about her experience, titled \”The Happy Castle\”, and the content was about her search for the starry sky. After telling this story, I said to my classmates: \”Changing your mood changes the world. No matter what misfortune happens, you must face it positively and treat it as a challenge in life. Whenever worries come, you shout loudly Say \’Great\’ and bear it. In this way, you will learn how to live with worries and no longer worry about the facts you cannot change.\” After the meeting, I found a dozen junior high school classmates to talk. The topic mainly revolves around how people have a \”too good\” mentality. There was a quiet girl who never spoke. In the end she became a hit. She said: My parents are getting divorced, and I want to say, \”It\’s great.\” The classmates looked at her with surprise. \”Tell me the reason.\” I said calmly, looking at her with gentle eyes. \”My parents have been at odds with each other for several years. Although they rarely quarreled in front of me, I could tell that they were both suffering. Recently, they finally divorced. I thought, \’That\’s great.\’ Both of them were relieved. I told them, as long as you feel happy, I will be happy. Now I feel relaxed.\” The classmates applauded her sincerity. I held her tightly in my arms. \”You are a happy angel, you are awesome!\” I said gently into her ear. Parental divorce and family changes are realities that some children must face. Now that it has happened, face it positively! Any experience is the wealth of life. The key is to have a positive attitude.