I\’m just a mother, not a god

Miaomiao (pseudonym) is a neighbor\’s child. He is 5 and a half years old and attends kindergarten. She is considered older in the class, and she is also tall. She looks more than half a head taller than the younger children in the class. At noon the day before yesterday, Miaomiao\’s mother suddenly received a call from the teacher in charge, saying that during outdoor activities, Miaomiao pushed a child in the class down. The child fell on the steps of the slide, with a big bloody mark on his forehead. Not only did he bully the children, he was extremely resistant when the teacher asked him to apologize to the children. On the way home, Miaomiao pursed her lips and refused to answer when her mother asked her anything. Within a few minutes, his mother\’s patience ran out, and she impatiently lectured him not to push, while dragging him to move faster – the house was still cooking porridge on a low fire, and she was afraid of burning the pot. Unexpectedly, Miaomiao, who had always been gentle, started screaming: \”Hit me again! You don\’t have to apologize for hitting a child anyway!\” Miaomiao\’s mother suddenly remembered that she lost her temper last night because the child\’s father drank. When the couple was having a cold war, Miaomiao came up to her mother and told her that she wanted to watch two episodes of cartoons – he originally watched cartoons every night, and the time period was correct. He didn\’t expect that his mother suddenly slapped him twice, and said while spanking : \”When you watch cartoons, you will know that you are watching cartoons! Just like your shapeless father, he does not do his job all day long!\” Miaomiao was so frightened that he cried. While crying, he asked his mother to hug him, but in the end, his mother did not apologize. , and didn\’t hug him… Thinking of this, Miaomiao\’s mother was worried that her child felt bullied at home, so she would treat other children in the class in the same way. Knowing that I am a public account for parenting and have some research on children’s psychology, they asked me on WeChat how to solve this matter. Miaomiao\’s mother is right to worry. When it comes to emotional processing, children are just like adults. All bad emotions need an outlet. When they are wronged or treated roughly without corresponding psychological compensation, they will find other outlets, such as throwing things, yelling, ignoring others, or using the same method to \”resist violence with violence.\” Miaomiao adopted the last method – he could not fight against his mother, who had a huge disparity in strength, and could only choose to bully children who were similar in strength to himself to vent his inner dissatisfaction and grievances. In the adult world, this is typical of expressing anger at others. As the New Year approaches, I have a lot to do at work and my home needs a thorough cleaning. You can ask part-time workers to clean the room, but it takes a lot of energy to decide whether to throw away old items such as wardrobes and kitchen utensils, and where to buy new ones. The baby\’s father is also very busy at the end of the year, so it is inevitable that two very busy people will bump into each other. He spoke in a bad tone and quarreled more frequently. For example, on Sunday, I had agreed that he would come back early to take care of the children after get off work, and I went to meet a friend to talk about something. As it turned out, he also had an impromptu appointment and didn\’t come back until almost 7:30, causing my appointment to be delayed by at least an hour. After returning home, I naturally spoke in a bad tone with him, and we started to quarrel every time we went back and forth. The super active classmate Zhe was riding the scooter very fast in the room. Zhe\’s father couldn\’t control his temper. He grabbed the child and the scooter and yelled at him. He also said that if he caused trouble again, he would put the scooter away and never let him ride it again. Okay… every mother who has ever yelled at her child might have expected the next scene.Obtained: The child was scolded and cried for no reason, and the adult was already in a bad mood, and now he became even more depressed. In fact, the child is originally in this state! It\’s just that when we adults are in a bad mood, we take out our anger on our children. Some parents will beat their children when they are angry. That night, the child cried himself to sleep. When he woke up the next morning and got dressed, his father was about to send him to kindergarten. The child twisted his face and said, \”I don\’t like dad, and I want my mother to send me to kindergarten. Dad knows how to be cruel to me, and after being cruel to my mother, he will be cruel to me.\” , I don’t like dad anymore…\” The 3 and a half year old child has clearly understood logically that the fault is not his. Fortunately, our family has developed the habit of apologizing to our children. After the father apologized to his children sincerely, the children quickly got along with him. A friend of mine was not so lucky. She lives in a rural area, and her father loves to drink and is very chauvinistic. At home, his mother would fight if he didn\’t follow his wishes. In that era, divorce was a very shameful thing. The mother could not beat the father and had nowhere to escape. She could only become a resentful wife while returning the anger she suffered from her husband to her daughter and son. This friend had been estranged from his mother since adolescence and vowed not to expose his children to the same kind of domestic violence. But when she got married and had children, whenever she had a conflict with her husband, she couldn\’t help but take her anger out on the children. Every time she talks about yelling at her children, she regrets it to death, but the next time, she still repeats the original family pattern – transferring the pain to others, which has become her subconscious habit. Regarding raising children, it is difficult to achieve absolutely no hitting or scolding. No matter how good-tempered a person is, there will be times when he is in a bad mood and needs to vent his inner frustrations. So if you are emotionally agitated and are a \”naughty child\” who doesn\’t know what to do and gets into trouble, you can try the following points: – Face the matter of losing your temper. There is a saying in our hometown that rabbits bite when they are angry! It\’s not quite appropriate to use it here, but it\’s similar in principle. If you want to control your temper, you must first face it, reconcile with bad emotions, and admit that everyone loses their temper instead of suppressing it blindly. Where there is oppression, there is resistance; the boredom accumulated in the heart will always disappear if there is no guidance. Will find an outlet to explode. So acknowledging its existence is the first step to stabilize your emotions. ——Tell the child directly that he is in a bad mood and let him play by himself for a while. This will help the child understand that the mother is not a god. The mother will also be sad, depressed, and shed tears. This is not shameful. The sooner you let the child know the ups and downs of life, the sooner Knowing the various flavors of life makes it easier to have empathy. ——After the mood is stable, it is important to take the initiative to show closeness to the child, otherwise the child will not be able to judge whether the unhappiness of the parents is related to them. If the quarrel between two people has something to do with the child, use a suitable way to tell him to correct it; if the bad mood has nothing to do with the child, be sure to tell them clearly: the quarrel between mom and dad has nothing to do with them. If a child lives in anxiety all the time, he will be timid and cautious when he grows up, and will depend on other people\’s opinions in everything he does. ——If you lose your temper with your child for no reason, you must apologize. Although the child is young, he also desires to be treated equally. when they make mistakes, we often ask them to apologize, and when we make a mistake, we should also apologize to our children generously. Children are particularly easy to forgive adults for their mistakes. This kind of calmness and responsibility of adults also sets a good example for children to dare to do things and take responsibility.