In families where these three things are often done, it is really difficult for children to become self-conscious…

Procrastination is something everyone has. Even if we are parents, there will be a few moments in our lives where we want to \”dispose of them\”: we will wash the dishes later; we put off work until all night; we put off our weight loss plan again and again… and put it on the children. , we call this phenomenon \”grinding\”. Children\’s dillydallying is the biggest headache for parents. Some children get up and yell for 20 minutes but still don\’t get up; they are about to be late, but they still move slowly when going out; when they come home from school to do homework, they look around and sway here and there. No matter how anxious the adults are, the children still don\’t get up. Don\’t be in a hurry, be calm and relaxed. This issue has been discussed many times in previous articles. A child who is dawdling may be \”born\”. Some children have a relatively slow growth rhythm and are born \”half a beat\”; some children have insufficient understanding of time because of their young age, and their subjective time does not match the objective time. Because of gender differences, boys may have less self-control than girls… In other words, a child\’s troubles are not entirely his fault, and are often determined by their growth patterns. But there are also some external reasons, such as inappropriate behavior of parents, which may also cause children to procrastinate and dilly-dally, especially the following three things. 01 Parents pay too much attention to their children’s mistakes, which makes their children less confident and creates a fear of difficulties. If a child always procrastinates, it may be due to fear of difficulties. Why does fear of difficulty affect procrastination? When a child thinks something is difficult, his first reaction is \”I can\’t do it.\” Then he worries that he will be criticized and beaten if he fails, so escaping becomes his trump card. \”Escape is shameful but useful.\” When he avoided this matter, the unpleasant memories related to it were also avoided. I know a mother who has longed to learn piano as a child. She very much hopes that her children can fulfill their childhood dreams. She spent a lot of money to send her daughter to learn piano, and even bought a piano for her daughter with a few months\’ salary. However, after learning for a period of time, my daughter has made almost no progress. Especially when it comes to learning new songs, the child is always reluctant to start. She gradually lost her patience and often criticized her daughter: \”What did you do? You still played such a simple part wrong?\” Her daughter became more and more repelled by piano practice, and she became more and more impatient. Almost every day before practice, her daughter would ask After waiting for a long time, he urged me three times and invited him four times. One day, when she saw her daughter sitting in front of the piano and absently playing with her hands, she couldn\’t help but hit her daughter. The daughter cried aggrievedly: \”I really can\’t learn…\” Then the mother realized that the child had a fear of practicing piano. When it comes to piano practice, my daughter\’s emotions are associated with the \”frustration of not being able to practice well.\” Her fear and anxiety about failure rise up in her heart, and she refuses to devote herself to it and would rather do something else. When a child cannot control the negative emotions associated with starting or completing a task, procrastination becomes a defense. The generation of this emotion is related to the child\’s own ability, and also to the excessive blows and denials from parents in their daily education. The same is true for a child who procrastinates when doing homework. If he always encounters questions that he cannot do or has too many homeworks to finish, and his parents give him too many negative comments, he will not be willing to take the initiative to do homework. Over time, it takes shapeIt has become a problem of dilly-dallying and procrastination. If a child thinks he is not capable of doing something well, how can he take the initiative to do it? In other words, the more negative emotions there are in facing something, the more reluctant the child will be to start. 02 Too much arranging makes children lose their sense of responsibility for taking the initiative. Some children do things unconsciously because they think that the responsibility for this matter does not lie with them. There is a video on the Internet, in which a mother uses a trick to \”treat the other person the way he wants\” when her daughter is getting ready to go to school. She imitated her daughter\’s usual dilly-dallying way and slowly put on her clothes. Her daughter cried anxiously at the door and kept urging her to hurry up. After the children dawdled and dragged, and the adults had no choice but to \”lie down\”, they became more proactive. When the parents withdraw, the children realize that it is their own business to go to school on time, and if they fail to do so, they will be responsible for the consequences. Looking back at the behavior of many children in life, they seem not to be afraid of any consequences of dawdling, because they know that there are parents who are hiding behind them. Psychologist Alfred Adler pointed out in \”Children\’s Personality Education\”: \”Behind a child who has the habit of procrastinating, there is always a person who organizes everything for him in detail.\” After becoming parents, almost everyone cannot escape the fate of busying themselves with their children. When they are busy, they unconsciously take over the responsibilities of their children. Many children are lazy and dilly-dally because they do not realize that these things are their own responsibilities. When everything is arranged for him, his ability to realize himself disappears. In a family, if parents do too much, or if they see their children moving slowly and feel anxious, they will rush to help their children do it in three or five times. They have not given their children the opportunity to do things independently since they were young. When the time comes when the children need to do it on their own, the problem will arise. will show up. In this way, the child develops psychological inertia, thinking that even if he does not do well, his parents will come to help. The final result is: \”As long as you don\’t push me, I won\’t move.\” Just like going to school. , what parents can do is to prepare breakfast and send him to school. Give timely reminders, guidance and help along the way. You have done what you should do, and the children should take on the remaining responsibilities themselves. If adults are at the helm of everything, children can wait to be arranged with peace of mind. If you want your children to be more conscious in doing things, parents and children must establish a clear sense of boundaries and return the child\’s responsibilities to him. Otherwise, all-pervasive \”care\” will easily develop children\’s dependence and laziness. 03 Too much urging causes children to begin to resist passively. Grinding becomes a kind of invisible attack. We often find that the more anxious the parents are, the slower the children will be. In fact, both adults and children hate being ordered around. Take homework as an example. When we urge children to study over and over again, this thing that should have been something the children should take the initiative to do becomes completely \”passive\”. The children\’s initiative is lost in the long-term urging. Wasted away. \”Why haven\’t you started doing your homework?\” \”What time is it?\” \”Didn\’t you say that you will do your homework on time in the future?\” Some children will think: I obviously know how to do it.If you push me to do it, I won’t be happy. In psychology, people have \”intrinsic motivation\” and \”extrinsic motivation\”. Intrinsic motivation means that we do something spontaneously because of our own will; extrinsic motivation means that we do a certain behavior because of an external reason. Urging unknowingly changes the child\’s \”intrinsic motivation\” into \”extrinsic motivation\”. In the end, the child shows reluctance to do things. The most worrying thing is that parents\’ urging is not always calm, but very harsh. Many parents urge and yell angrily at the same time, as if they are forcing their children to \”submit.\” When parents are angry, children will also feel angry inside. They often do not directly conflict with their parents, but choose an invisible way of resistance – dillydallying and procrastinating. When children feel that they are not respected, cannot feel the warmth of their parents, and do not have the right to make their own decisions, they will use dilly-dallying to passively resist, express their dissatisfaction, and strive for their own autonomy. This is why parents who push more and more anxiously are more likely to raise children who love to be dilatory. Through procrastination and inaction, children\’s sense of autonomy is strengthened. Procrastination is a way for them to gain a sense of control. There is this passage in the book \”The Psychology of Procrastination\”: \”Procrastination is often a person\’s declaration of independence. A person tries to tell people through procrastination that I am an autonomous person and I act according to my own choices.\” Therefore, behind children\’s dilly-dallying, there may also be a psychological problem. They try to use dilly-dallying to express their dissatisfaction and remind parents to change their education methods. Instead of blindly \”requiring\”, \”urging\” and \”preaching\”, adults need to change ways to communicate with children. Especially as children grow older, they must pay more attention to the adjustment of methods. Children who dawdle are not bad children, they just need more patience and help from their parents for a short period of time. Parents who know more about the reasons are the best cure for the problem. If you can understand him, you can help him. Raising a \”dilly-dallying child\” is like taking a snail for a walk. We both need to \”slow down\”.