In the eyes of children, what is more terrifying than sexual assault is…

These days, I feel so sad that I don’t want to talk. After taking off the coat of a male-sized dog, I am just a mother. I repeatedly searched for news and related information on \”child sexual abuse\” on the Internet, and my heart ached when I looked at it. Even as a bystander, what exactly are the parents involved suffering? I stared at my little daughter lying peacefully in my arms, sucking milk, and moaning when she felt comfortable. I couldn\’t help but kiss her. Kiss repeatedly. As I kissed, I couldn\’t help but burst into tears. Suddenly, I remembered what an old woman said in the movie \”Twenty-Two\”: This world is so good, and you have to save your life to see wild things. (Picture from the movie \”Twenty-Two\”) Yes, this world is so cruel and yet so beautiful! my child. We carry great pain in our hearts, but we still have to bear the burden and move forward. \”We fight all the way, not to change the world, but to prevent the world from changing us. The weather has become colder and hotter, so that we can understand how precious the warmth and coolness of the people around us are.\” \”The Melting Pot\” ends with this. explain. \”When you sit in darkness, be patient. The dawn is coming.\” The poet Rumi wrote. Tell your children: Respect behavior, not age. In life, there are always some parents who stay in their parents\’ position and refuse to step down. Using their status as parents to directly or indirectly force their children, some parents even resort to violence habitually. For example, if a child is disobedient, he will be beaten; if a child makes a mistake, he will be beaten. In fact, listen to the \”why\” behind the child\’s behavior, point out the consequences of the child\’s behavior, and ask the child to bear the consequences. This effect is much better than force. Violence is not discipline, it is harm. This will only seal the child\’s mouth and make the child not only \”afraid\” of his parents, but also of those \”powerful\” elders. What do parents who only beat their children when they encounter problems teach their children? Making mistakes is terrible, and if anything happens, it is best not to let your parents know. What else will children who are used to living under authority learn? All authorities are right. Whatever the authority says is what it says, and what the authority does is what it endures. A girl remained silent for years after being sexually assaulted by a relative. Because that relative is a good person in the eyes of the family, an elder worthy of respect and trust. If his whole person is good, then his actions are reasonable. Therefore, it was not until she grew up that the girl realized what had happened to her. Psychoanalyst Dr. Rajit Mitra said: \”A child asked me, should we respect our elders? I told the child to respect behavior, not age.\” (Picture taken from \”Truth Interview\” ) Stop blindly asking children to be good and obedient. This is what criminals do when they threaten children. When a child does not do what you want, or says \”no\” to you, you give him a black face or say something. Raise your voice an octave. Only when the child is obedient and the job is done satisfactorily can you praise: You are awesome/You are so good? This is what abusers and sexual predators say when they threaten children. Parents always ask their children to be obedient, and the children learn to obey. In these children\’s world, all creative and dynamic content will be suppressed, leaving only right and wrong.. In order to become good children who do not make mistakes, they will instinctively give up many opportunities to explore. Nothing else is important, the important thing is that it must be \”right\” and \”good\”. They will try to stay \”right\” and well-behaved, even in front of criminals. As Lin Yihan, who committed suicide a few months ago, wrote in her autobiographical novel \”Fang Siqi\’s First Love Paradise\”. Those heartbreaking words nakedly reveal this girl\’s obedience, well-behavedness, anxiety, and fear that she is wrong or not good. \”I went downstairs to get the composition for Teacher Li to correct. He took it out and I was forced to the wall. The teacher said 9 words: If it doesn\’t work, you can use your mouth. I said 5 words: No, I can\’t. He Just stuff it in. It felt like drowning. After I could speak, I said to the teacher: I\’m sorry. I feel like I didn\’t do my homework well.\” Seeing such a sentence, my whole heart convulsed. Facing the violation, her first feeling was not anger or hatred, but worry, self-attack, and \”not good.\” There are also some children whose situation seems to be better and who will resist when faced with pressure from their parents. However, the scary thing is that when parents talk about unimportant things all day long, when the critical moment comes, when the important things are really mentioned, the children will not listen. So, please don’t give your children too many rules. Just set some very important bottom lines that cannot be touched. There are two principles: The first is that things that involve personal safety and life safety must never be done. The second is that you cannot do anything that may harm others, including other people\’s belongings. Of course there is one exception, that is: bad guys can be beaten, deceived and hurt. Trust is very important for children. When I was a kid, my dad insisted that I was the one who stole the last apple in the basket. I shook my head, suppressing my blush, and kept saying no, no. But he didn\’t listen or believe it. I still remember the aggrieved feeling and the loneliness and powerlessness that no matter how much I struggled, it was useless. Later, I saw more of this sense of powerlessness caused by mistrust. Aamir Khan, known as the conscience of India, interviewed such a man in his \”Truth Interview\”. He was sexually abused as a child and continued into adolescence. When he finally plucked up the courage to ask his mother for help, he couldn\’t find the words to describe it. After finally telling the whole story, my mother denied it. She decided that none of these things had happened. Just like those adults said, \”That\’s just a child\’s fantasy.\” The sexual predator also knew about this and threatened the boy: Look, no one believes you. And a warning: If you tell anyone else, I will kill you. He still tried to ask for help, but more cryptically. He told his mother that I was bleeding. Mom said: You ate too many mangoes and got angry. It wasn\’t until the victim grew up that the mother believed her son\’s words, but it was too late. What do children who are not trusted by their parents suffer? It was so difficult for him to muster up the courage to share that terrible secret. His parents\’ rejection, denial, and even accusations only made him feel rejected and abandoned by the entire world. They can easily end up in dead ends. Just like Lin Yihan, like Linkin Park frontman Chester Bennington. If a child tells his parents: I was sexually assaulted? What should parents do? The answer is, trust your children. A child would never lie about something like this. Not only must you believe it, but you must also say to your child: You were right to tell me; I’m sorry for causing you such harm. Then take action again. Finally, share a poem by American poet Nick Miller: I left the window open today. I heard two old ladies on their morning walks say how much they loved cuddling with their dogs at night, and what they really meant was, \”I miss my husband.\” I heard two shy neighbors talk about the weather, and Weekend plans, what they really meant was: \”I think I\’m in love with you.\” I left the window open today and I heard a couple say that everything is going to be okay, and what they really meant was: \” Things never get better.\” I heard two screenwriters say their new story was going to change the world, and what they really meant was, \”I hope I can pay my rent this month.\” I left the window open today . I heard one little boy say to another: \”Let\’s run around the neighborhood and see who can run faster.\” What he really meant was: \”Let\’s run around the neighborhood and see who can run faster.\” Please always respect human nature. The dark side remains cautious, but always stands by the child.