In this way, there are rules and disciplines, and children will not resist them.

Mothers often leave messages asking what to do if their children don’t obey. \”No matter what I say, he just won\’t listen. I have to lose my temper and yell.\” We often say that we want to be a peaceful mother, but when we turn around, we get angry. The most liked comment on the article \”Many Parents Are Spoiled by Their Children\” posted some time ago is, \”The key is that some children challenge your emotions and make you unable to calm down. One thing, tell them well. If you don\’t listen, he will get angry at you and look at you with provocative eyes. I calmly talked to him for half an hour but it didn\’t work and he didn\’t listen to me. That\’s why he got angry. If it were my colleague, he would have slapped him in the face. I went up. I think I have a good temper. But my child feels like he takes the tough and refuses to accept the soft. He won’t listen until he gets angry and yells at him.” This represents many parents. voice. In fact, I didn\’t want to yell at my child, but I told him to be disobedient and challenge my temper. Then I have to give him some color. It seems like everything is the child\’s fault. In fact, when you look at it from another angle. You will be surprised to find that in this emotional war. Not only do parents misunderstand their children too much, but they also act as judges in their own right. Instead of relying on losing your temper to force your children to obey, it is better to make these three changes. Because a bad temper will only breed bad-tempered children. To understand the child, please consider the child\’s behavior from the child\’s perspective. Let’s start with the child’s troubles. A mother posted on WeChat Moments: \”I slept in and woke up for dozens of minutes in the morning, and couldn\’t finish my meal in half an hour. I kept dragging my feet! I told him that he could play after eating, but he didn\’t listen at all! I was distressed and miserable! Angry! But there is no way, it seems that he has been used to this! After beating him, he returned to his original state for a while, what should I do?\” In fact, there are often reasons for children\’s dillydallying, and they need to be understood by their parents. I used to think that the child\’s dilly-dallying was intentional. But one day my son said to me: \”Dad, don\’t rush me, because my butt is a little fat and my pants are too small. I have to put on my pants more slowly. Can you give me a little more time?\” \”Okay, I\’ll wait for you.\” One day he said to me again, \”Dad, don\’t rush me, because I am so slow.\” Indeed, his little fingers were not flexible enough. You see, he was struggling because the zipper was difficult to insert. Sometimes, he is in a daze over the left and right sides of his shoes. But fearing that the parents would lose their temper or to prove themselves, the child kept holding on until his little face turned red. Without knowing what\’s going on, we just count the time and rush, and if we don\’t hurry up, we lose our temper. And many times, parents\’ urging often comes from inner anxiety. A dilly-dallying child can make parents uncomfortable and even frightened. Because if you are slow, it will be too late. If you are behind, it will be too late. This is a worry that many parents have. We have to consider the child\’s height and strength. You cannot use your own standards to dictate what your children should be. This is not respect, but arrogance. Of course, what is more difficult to consider is the child\’s thoughts. In fact, children have their own ideas, but many parents only want their children to follow their own arrangements. For example, a mother said that her child was procrastinating in doing things and eating slowly. Have you ever thought about whether children like to do this? The meal isIsn’t it what children like to eat? Every time I say I want to take my son to a movie, he does things twice as fast as usual. And once he makes a dish he likes to eat. Basically, he doesn’t need you to call him, just go over and eat a lot and quickly. So sometimes the meals I cook in a hurry are not delicious. The little guy really couldn\’t eat anymore. It\’s definitely useless to get angry at this time. I can only put some effort into the food. This is not because the child is a picky eater, but because I really don’t do it carefully. When there is such empathy. You will no longer lose your temper because your child is dilly-dallying. Because you understand the reasons behind his behavior. For children, this is very precious. And why do children lose their temper? This tests the parents\’ patience and observation skills. Once the cause is figured out, the solution can often be solved. The best way to figure out the reason is to let go of your arrogant parental authority. Squat down and accept your child\’s emotions first. Then put yourself in his shoes. Communicate patiently with your children. When your children feel your sincerity and acceptance. They are also often willing to talk their emotions out. This is a crucial step for them to learn to manage their emotions. Please meet your child\’s reasonable needs immediately without any conditions. Children always ask us for their needs. What are reasonable needs? Take the matter of a child sitting on the floor and playing. Many parents worry about this. As soon as he saw the child sitting on the floor, he immediately shouted: \”Get up, the floor is dirty!\” The child ignored it and continued to play with himself. At this time, the adult rushed over angrily and picked it up. Then he gave a lot of reasons why he couldn\’t sit on the ground. Of course, it is definitely not appropriate for children to sit down anywhere they want outdoors. You wouldn\’t let your child sit and play alone on the floor of a large square. If the child wants this at this time, it is an unfair demand. We can tell the child the reason and find a place to sit. But at home, many parents do not allow their babies to sit on the floor. Even worried about this matter. I don\’t think you need to worry about this at all. Because when the environment permits, the child\’s needs are legitimate. Now that my son comes back from kindergarten, he often likes to sit on the floor and play. Those who are obviously on the sofa will be sitting on the floor in the blink of an eye, or kneeling on the floor or lying on the table to play. At first we talked about him and said the ground was cold. Remind him as soon as you see him sitting. One day, I saw my wife’s yoga mat that she hadn’t used for a long time. It is better to put it on the floor in front of the sofa for him to use, so that he can sit on the floor and play freely. After that, I never had to worry about it again. No more yelling, no need to worry about reminders. The kids had a great time playing there. This is a normal requirement. Children all like to sit on the floor and play, it’s natural. Parents can make a small change to meet their children\’s needs. If you think about it carefully, there are many such situations in life. It is often adults who set some rules forcefully and authoritarianly. Let some of the children\’s legitimate needs be oppressed. It\’s a pity that when your children are young, they don\’t know how to tell you: \”Mom, Dad, I need a big cushion.\” Last but not least, cultivate intimacy. When we raise children, we definitely do not want to raise a child who is submissive and has no independent opinions. So, rely on losing your temperTo force children to obey is a mistake parents cannot make. in all parent-child relationships. Trusting and intimate relationships are very rare. Because of trust, children will listen to what parents say. In the beginning, parents can easily gain their children\’s trust. For example, a baby will dare to cross the visual cliff because of his mother\’s smile. Because the mother\’s smile makes the child feel safe. They put everything they have, including their lives, into their mother\’s hands. But when children grow up, they will find that their parents often lie to them. What was promised changes again and again, and even changes. They may find that their ideas are not recognized. If parents don\’t notice this. There is no consideration for the child\’s psychological development and the child is handed over to the elderly. Work hard for a better material life for your children. But trust and intimacy are slowly disappearing. One day, you suddenly find that your child has changed. When you become completely like a stranger, no matter what you say, the child will think you are looking for trouble. And whatever the child says, you find it irritating. I want my children to be obedient. Also remember to protect the trust and intimacy between parents and children. After doing these three things, I think the children will be happy to obey the rules. What\’s more, children themselves also have a desire to seek order. It just depends on whether the parents have done a good enough job.