Instead of forcing children to work hard, give them self-control

Colleague Sister Zhao posted on WeChat Moments: \”We have a good role model at home, why can\’t my son imitate it? Does anyone have a good way to improve self-control?\” The picture was of her daughter doing homework and her younger son watching TV. picture of. When asked more carefully, she told her son and daughter that they would do their homework after watching an episode of cartoons. After watching an episode of cartoons, her daughter would go back to study by herself. After watching cartoons, her son would stay in front of the TV even if he was watching commercials. . And similar things have happened too many times. Whether it is homework or eating, the daughter\’s self-control is much better than the son. Sister Zhao said she found it strange that the children were both born and raised by herself, so there was such a big difference. Your attitude affects whether your child is restrained or unbridled. I remembered an incident a year ago when the department had a dinner, and Sister Zhao brought her two children over for dinner. When they were almost done eating, the children began to play. Maybe she was afraid of disturbing other people. Sister Zhao suggested to the two children: \”You two start a competition now. No one says anything. Let\’s see who can last longer and who can win.\” If you persist for a long time, whoever can go to the supermarket to buy a new toy will soon be able to buy a new toy in the supermarket. We will win two out of three games.\” As soon as the two children heard that they could buy a new toy, they both became interested and sat down at the small table behind us to compete seriously. stand up. My sister won the first game. Not surprising. My sister was 8 years old at the time and my brother was just over 6 years old. He must have been slightly worse. During the second game, my brother sat for a while and obviously couldn\’t sit still. It was obvious that he was trying hard to restrain himself. He kept touching his hair and clasping his fingers, and suddenly he started crying. A group of people quickly gathered around and asked what was going on. The younger brother cried and said that he also wanted toys and a car. Sister Zhao quickly comforted: \”Okay, okay, I\’ll buy it for you. Both you and your sister will get rewards. Stop crying.\” From Sister Zhao\’s daily narration, I learned that their husband and wife basically treat their children equally, but the child\’s grandfather Grandma, grandma and grandpa are all a bit patriarchal. In addition, the son himself is smaller, so it is inevitable that he will have to take more care of him and let him act coquettishly and mischievously. From this point of view, it is not surprising that the elder sister has a higher degree of self-control than the younger brother. Self-control itself refers to people\’s ability to consciously control their emotions and actions. Because my brother is young and a boy, he has always been in a state where he can be protected even if he is lazy, naughty, and willful. If the elder sister wants to receive equal praise and favor, she needs to allow herself to make some correct decisions and suppress some of her negative emotions and behaviors. Don\’t think that children really don\’t understand anything when they are young. Human beings have evolved for so long, and it has become children\’s instinct to observe people\’s emotions. They even know better than adults how to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages, so that they can live as comfortably as possible. We always say that children’s self-control is not good enough. Of course, it is related to the age and maturity of the children, but we also need to see if we leave room for bargaining for the children every time, so that the children mistakenly think that they are coquettish, crying, By taking advantage of these little tricks, you can get the same or even better treatment than self-made ones. Help children explain the pros and cons and turn \”passive\” into \”active.\” There is a saying: \”If you don\’t love enough, you will have many excuses.\” Another important reason that affects self-control isIt is the urgency, necessity and importance of this matter in the children\’s hearts. My junior high school classmate\’s grades were always below average, and he later went to a not-so-good high school in the city at his own expense. Her parents often lamented about this, and the biggest encouragement from her junior high school teacher was to hope that she would study hard and strive for a second grade. What everyone didn\’t expect was that after their second year of high school, their deskmate suddenly started studying hard, getting up before 4 a.m. every morning and not going to bed until after 12 p.m. What follows is that the test scores have improved greatly every time. In the late simulation of the third year of high school, I can basically stabilize myself in the top ten in the school. The college entrance examination was also very smooth and I entered a 211 university. I once asked her why she suddenly became so strong. She said that she just didn’t want her parents to worry about her. She was thinking about the best opportunity in her life and wanted to give it a try. Moreover, every bit of progress made her feel a sense of accomplishment. Knowing that she was about to leave The dream has taken another step forward. It was the dream of her deskmate to get into a 211 university. She broke down the dream and knew how many points she needed to get in each subject. She then broke it down into the minimum points needed for each subject and each module, and then started I tried my best to think about how to find points and how to squeeze out more time to make myself more proficient. In the final analysis, the matter of studying and college entrance examinations suddenly has urgency and importance. So no matter what kind of effort she puts in, it is acceptable in her opinion. The reason why many children and even us adults lack self-control is because they do not feel that what they are doing is really important. I also want to learn when others are learning, and I also want to practice when others are practicing. Why? I can\’t scold others when they scold them, and I can\’t run around when others are running around in the library. Why? Only by turning the vague principles that children cannot understand into small goals that children can understand and are willing to practice can children turn passivity into initiative and control their own behavior and emotions from the heart. Here\’s what you can do about self-control. When children\’s self-discipline and self-control are not yet strong enough, heteronomy is particularly important. When children gradually become self-disciplined as a habit, good self-control is developed. ☞Establish your own authority and reward children for their self-control. There is a famous \”marshmallow\” experiment abroad. A researcher gave a candy to a child and told the child that he could eat it immediately, but if he waited until the researcher came back to eat it, Another candy can be awarded. Experiments show that children who have self-control and wait for the researchers to return are generally more successful than children who do not have self-control. Later, experts repeated the experiment and added conditions for researchers to keep their word. Experiments have shown that researchers who keep their word significantly increase the chance that children will be willing to wait. As for researchers who do not keep their word, many children give up waiting and eat candy directly. This experiment also enlightens us that if we want our children to have a higher degree of self-control, we need to be an adult who walks the talk and is trusted by the children. Keeping your word includes providing correct guidance every time for children\’s bad and uncontrollable behaviors. Don\’t change them day and night, let alone give up when your children are tired of crying and acting shamelessly. And good for children,Behaviors that show self-control need to be rewarded. It can be a book that your child likes to read, or it can be an opportunity to go to an amusement park, or it can even simply tell your child that I see your efforts and you are doing a great job. ☞Respect the child\’s time planning and allow the child to relax appropriately. I once saw a mother who got angry at the child when she came home and saw her child watching TV, accusing the child of not studying. The child said that I had finished my homework, done all the review and preview, and the TV had just been turned on. Then the mother yelled at the child: After finishing the homework, won’t you read the extracurricular books? Will you definitely get a hundred percent score in the next exam? If you say you can get 100 points, just watch TV. If you don’t dare to say it, don’t be lazy. Then I found two sets of exercises for the children and asked them to do them. In fact, research shows that people\’s self-control is limited, and the brain will look for a balance between drudgery and looking for simple rewards. Therefore, if people complete two things in a row, each of which requires strong self-control, then The second thing is often done even worse. Therefore, instead of letting children exhaust their interest in learning in the problem-solving tactic, you might as well allow children to arrange their own time. As long as they have done what they should do well, you can allow children to relax appropriately, so that children can enjoy high self-control and high efficiency. The sweetness comes. ☞Give your children timely reminders and make them responsible for their actions. I saw this sentence on Weibo: \”You can watch TV dramas all night long, as long as you can hand in your papers on time. You can have a rich nightlife, as long as you You can still do your job with full energy the next day. Whether indulgence is wrong or not depends on whether you can take responsibility for your indulgence. Again, people without self-control are not enough to talk about life.\” Sometimes, children In fact, he does not regard himself as a child. He longs to be treated like an adult. Regarding self-control, if adults always think that children are still young and can be forgiven for anything they do, then it may be really difficult for the child to form a habit of self-discipline. You might as well just give your children a timely reminder and let them take responsibility for their own actions. For example, if a child likes to grab things randomly in the supermarket, you can tell the child before entering the supermarket what we need to buy today. If there is something you like, you can go back and discuss it with your parents and buy it next time. But if you take things randomly or lose your temper, your parents will take you out of the supermarket immediately. Or if your child is obsessed with watching TV and playing games, you can also remind your child fifteen minutes in advance, and then he will have to do the next thing after a while. If he does not abide by the agreement, he will lose the opportunity to watch TV and play games tomorrow. Parents can be gentle in their tone, but their attitude needs to be firm. When you can take responsibility for your own actions, self-control becomes a thing of the past. Children are often more greedy for the comfort of the present, and are rarely willing to sacrifice immediate happiness and comfort in exchange for future success and happiness. But when children can look to the future and bravely assume current responsibilities, they will know that that high degree of self-discipline brings high efficiency and high self-confidence. It will also give them a sense of control over their lives and greater freedom. One day children will understand that self-control is happier than indulgence.